I am new too....

[Bertabee]

Hi Everyone,

I am new to the forums but not so new to the depression anxiety battle.

I have had anxiety for most of my adult life and have been managing ok with intermittent support and using a variety of tools. My teenage daughter was diagnosed early last year with depression and was put on medication immediately, but it took a good 9 months and a few changes for her to get well, as well as a few difficult experiences with psychologist. We finally settled with an amazing psychiatrist and she is doing well - but now I am not doing very well.

I have had really negative thoughts about myself and my life and I am angry I am not coping, and I know I should go and see someone but after meeting many psychologists who were not helpful to my daughter, I am really scared of going to see someone who might make this all worse for me, as I don’t have the energy to fight for what I need right now, or worse make me feel that I am just lazy or being dramatic. I am now at a point where it is becoming really necessary for me to see someone and the more I need it the more scared I become?

I wonder if anyone here has had a similar experience with lack of trust for psychologists and how you got through it??

thanks guys

[Croix]

Dear Bertabee~

Welcome. I think the first thing to say is that you have dealt wiht the hassles in getting your daughter competent treatment, which of course is good for her, but also lets you know that such treatment is possible and that it is possible for you to find it.

Having depression, as you know, will sap your energy and hope, and under such circumstances the idea of going though all the same battles on your own behalf may seem just too hard. I don't think it actually has to be a repeat of what went before.

While you might be worried that some might do more harm than good I would think you would be able to see which way things were heading before they went too far.

If you had other family members, perhaps a partner, who helped get your daughter to that particular psychiatrist then I'd expect they can help you too. Have you discussed this problem with anyone?

My wife was a major factor in my seeking medical help. In addition she was a good gauge of my state, and could offer perspective as to how I was going and what was advisable.

The psychiatrist, while probably not wanting to treat two members of the same family (there are exceptions), may have suggestions.

I do notice you talked of lack of trust for psychologists, not surprising under the circumstances. Would you consider a psychiatrist instead? While my interactions with psychologists have been mixed I've found psychiatrists excellent.

Please feel free to come back and say what you think

Croix

[Bertabee]

Hi Croix,

thank you for your reply and support. I was the main support person for my daughter and advocated strongly for her so I agree that I am exhausted from this and scared of not being strong enough to fight for myself.

My husband while supportive and loving, regards me as “strong and tough” and seems to think I just need to push through it. I have been able to do this in the past but this time it is too much for me to manage on my own, and I feel additional guilt that I can’t be strong for everyone. I also feel guilty that I need help from them and I don’t want to worry them.

I also realise “pushing through” has actually meant isolating myself from things that might trigger my anxiety, which has affected my ability to enjoy life (eg not going overseas with my husband and daughter for my brother in laws wedding because I had to keep my business running).

I am a bit off topic now - I guess just the thought of going through the process of finding a psych, talking about it all to the GP etc is just massively exhausting like everything else at the moment.

[Scout28]

Hi Bertabee

Welcome to the forum. I too have had a mixed bag of luck with psychiatrists and psychologists. I have spent a lot of money and time in search of the right one for me. After 12 years I did find a psychiatrist who was great and helped me a lot. I eventually lost touch (because I got my life back on track and then moved interstate). My depression and anxiety have come back and it is now no longer feasible to see my old psychiatrist, nor have I had any success getting a recommendation from him. It's likely he has retired. And so my search has started again and in a couple of weeks I have my first appointment with someone new. The sixth person I have tried in 5 years. I have no idea how it will go. I am only hopeful. I will say this, I am nervous, resentful to be going through this again and sick at the ongoing financial outlay. I too feel distrustful and frankly I am scared to try again. But I am going to because I know enough about how it feels to not have someone professional in my corner. This process is daunting but it gives me hope and that means a lot. Just know that when you are ready to make that next appointment you are not alone. We just have to keep trying because we already know how it feels to not be and there is nothing new to be learned in doing nothing for ourselves. You sound so resilient and have done so well to recognize and support your daughter's depression treatment. Now its time for you to take care of you. Good luck.

[Bertabee]

Thanks Scout,

thank you for sharing your experiences with me on this, and good luck with your search, I hope you find someone amazing!

The thing I am most scared about is that I am losing my will to fight for myself, I am always great at fighting for others but so much harder for me. I desperately need someone to take the responsibility for me - which sounds incredibly selfish of me.

Thanks again x

[Croix]

Dear Bertabee~

You are not off topic. A couple of things -

Repeating yourself or even explaining to a GP or whoever is daunting and there is a temptation either to do nothing or only make some sort of minimal effort. I've found it has been a lot easier, less wearing and more accurate to write everything down first at my leisure, taking as many days to edit it as necessary, then sharing a copy in the consultation. I used point form and it worked well. It could then be easily rehashed for the next person I was talking with.

Feeling guilty because there is a limit to your strength and abilities is so very common, and a huge trap. I can relate exactly. After a long time of being the fixer everyone starts to expect it (including you). You said your partner was not off-side, just had an unrealistic view of you. May I suggest you speak frankly with him and tell him exactly what you said here - you need someone else to take responsibility this time.

That's not being selfish or letting anyone down, it is being part of a partnership. hopefully he will rise to the occasion. You may also be surprised how much help a teenage daughter can be.

Croix

[Bertabee]

Hi Croix,

thank you for your thoughts, I will definitely write it all down.

I will keep you all posted x

[Scout28]

Hi there

I hope you are going ok. I did see my new psych. It's early days yet but its better than not seeing anyone. Your last sentence the other day caught my eye. That you need someone to take the responsibility for you and you feel selfish about it. Please dont, I get where you are coming from 100%. If we break an arm we see someone who knows how to set it and gives us a time frame of when it will heal. There is little chance that if we have an arguement or a bad day at work that the arm will re-break of its own accord. Mental health has no guarentees or infallible step by step ways to heal. Rather it can be like getting caught at the edge if the sea and being hit over and over by dumper waves with no life guards in sight. We do get breaks from time to time, we know it's not all bad and my main point (yes nearly there) is to never feel guilty for wishing it was easier, or that someone could sweep in and take over the responsibility for us. Its a fair thing to ask, particularly by someone who is doing so much of that already for their child. Keep searching, keep seeking help and be gentle on yourself and lose the guilt. I give you premission to competely bin it. It serves no purpose other than to weigh you down more and you have no need of that. Sending you my best.

Scout.