Hi

[Jaymey]

Hey peep's, I thought I'll introduce myself since I'm new to the forums.

Well, I'm transgender and gay, still in the closet and will be until I move out of my home, I'm currently suffering from depression and anxiety, I get massive panic attacks, massive mood swings, I've been to beyond blue a while back, but decided to stop going as I lost the energy and motivation to get out of bed.

I've decided I'm going back to my doctor eventually, as I've gone down hill, and have been feeling miserable hopefully, I'll be put on medication, to help me, if not than I don't know how I'll cope. I feel as I'm at my lowest point right now, hopeless, sad, isolated and everything I do results in my hating myself and feeling like I'm worthless.

Been feeling very isolated, soulless and lonely lately, haven't had the motivation to do much, my depression got really bad around 15 when I discovered I was gay and transgender roughly the same time, I kept telling myself, no I'm not and denying it, but I've accepted it now and feel very guilty about it still.

Although my depression is unrelated to my sexuality and gender, It did go downhill once I discovered it.

[geoff]

hi Jaymey, welcome to the forum and thanks for posting your comment.
I can see that you say EVENTUALLY about going back to see your doctor, a bit of hesitation here, but the sooner you go and ask for help in regards to your depression it will only get worse, because it won't go away by itself and while you feel depressed there are so many other issues that jump on board which normally wouldn't make you feeling this way, but when you're down they all make it worse.
Whether or not this is because of your sexuality is not for me to determine, but everything compounds on you at once, so I hope you can make an appointment soon.
There will be others who will also reply back to you. Geoff.

[Gruffudd]

Hi Jaymey,

I can say me too on trans and gay and have a bit of experience in what it is like living at home and not feeling like I can just be who I am. So I say welcome to you as a member of our LGBTI family, I'm glad you are here.

Remember to visit the gender and sexuality forum if you need to talk with others like you, but feel free to post everywhere else too because we are not that different in a lot of ways.

Whilst you say your depression is not related to sexuality and gender, I wonder of the isolation related to not being able to be open about it isn't a contributing factor. Happy to listen even if you just need to complain.

Do you have preferred pronouns that you would like us to use?

What little things do you enjoy doing? Do you have a happy place that you could tell us about?

Anyway, welcome...

Rob.

[Jaymey]

Thanks 🙂

Well, I prefer she, as I'm a girl but I'm still in the acceptance stage, (born male) It makes me happy when people refer me to a female, but I don't mind people who don't know I'm trans to call me male, although I dislike it, doesn't bother me too much, but drives me crazy that I'm still closeted.

I don't really have a happy place, but I enjoy anything that is mentally stimulating for some reason, such as programming, reading or problem solving, however due to my depression I've found it a bit harder to do as I lack the motivation to do anything.

@geoff I am going to see my doctor once I get settled into my new life, as I plan to get myself a home eventually. Thanks 🙂

[Gruffudd]

Jaymey, the internet is a bit of a happy place for me in some ways, I can get lost in youtube with videos that range from ted talks, through documentaries and short films to those personal talk to the camera things.

Are you out anywhere in life? I suspect different people are aware of sexuality and gender. Sexuality seems a little easier for people to handle and understand. Do you have trouble with others acknowledging or taking onboard that you are a girl? That can be challenging, but at the same time I'm not sure that other peoples opinions on it matter so much, your reality does matter though.

So what about meeting up with others and breaking the isolation? I am painfully shy but have found it is worth it. How easy it is going to be depends a bit on where you live. There is the meet up app on the phone, the Facebook groups, places like the gender centre in Sydney which have their equivalents in the big cities.

Rob.