Hi. Im new here

[Tessica]

Hi everyone,

Im here because i have been feeling really down, teary and distressed for a long time. It has come about, i think, because of holding my teenage daughter through about 1.5 years of fairly severe depression. I have been the primary person supporting her through this time and i feel that i have picked up some trauma through this experience. My daughter is now taking medication and although not out of the woods, she is coping and living much better than she has been. i feel like all this time i have spent supporting her and being hyper-vigilant around her wellbeing and safety has left me with some vicarious stuff. While i feel like i can relax some now she is somewhat better, i now am not ok. I am getting up with her and gently nudging her to keep going to school each day and then i sit in my car and cry at the thought of going to work. I am spontaneously crying and feel exhausted but unable to know what will soothe me. i am a social worker as a profession but working in a role which is administratively heavy which is good as client contact would be hard for me at the moment. I dont feel ok. and i am about to go to a gp and get support i think. i am just exhausted, frazzled and i want to withdraw from everything but i am challenging myself to stay connected but it is so hard and i know people are noticing. 😞

[smallwolf]

Tessica,

Hi. Welcome to beyond blue.

Firstly, I noticed that you mentioned you were thinking of going to see a GP. This is a good start and proactive. I do not think that you are making any of this up, and unfortunately (in my opinion) it is only when we are close to the bottom that we look for help. We think our feeling are normal. As for other people noticing.... Possibly. Possibly not. Many of us are good at hiding what happens in our heads. Outwardly we are fine. On the inside can be different. Depends on what mask we choose to wear. In addition to working, I also study part time. In the last few years, only 2 people knew something was up - a hospital manager and volunteer (?) who took calls are lifeline.

My thought is that you are almost being a social worker 24/7. After your work, you have to help your daughter out, etc.My wife was acting as a support person for another individual (friend) earlier this year. That stressed her out. So cannot imagine what it would be like when it is your own daughter. Some of the stuff I will write here you might already know, but worth remembering. Also, if you just want to vent or journal here, feel free. You should find the community here helpful and non-judgemental.

On the beyond blue web site you should be able to find resources for supporting someone with depression. It may contain stuff that you already know? I think however that you also need to ensure you are healthy enough in order to look after your daughter.

Does anyone else know about what you or your daughter have or are going through? Is there anyone that you can talk to for support? Knowing that you can talk to someone IRL is helpful. Or someone that can call you to make sure you are OK.

As you wander about the forums here, you will find threads like 3 things to be grateful, there is also the BB cafe (in the social area), and other little games to the distract you.

My only suggestion at the moment which works for me is a word search game that is part of virtual hope box phone app. It only uses positive words. They are hard to solve, but provide a means of making your brain think of positive rather than negative words. Words like love, empower, embrace, yes etc. You could even see it as a grounding activity or meditation. And there are also threads on grounding here also.

Hope your day is OK,

Tim