Hi, I'm new and don't know what to do anymore.

[emmiemem]

Hi, my name's Emily and I'm from Perth.

Honestly, I think I'm here due to the fact that I don't know what to do. I'm at a stage of my life where I'm supposed to be taking responsibility for my actions and grow up. The whole thing is I don't know how and it's taking its toll on my family. I'm scared of the future and it's gotten to the point that I keep running further away from it. This has caused many arguments in my family and it's not every once in a while it's every day. From the past into the present its become a habit to dodge it all, especially growing up at the moment. I feel like its some iron wall that I can't scale over and it is looming over me with malicious intent.

I want to change but on some subconscious level, I won't allow myself to. If that's the way to put it. I've never been motivated to do anything in my life either and have just scraped by, by the skin of my teeth. I feel like I cannot change. I look at myself in the mirror and just see someone who's a disappointment, who is unable to do a thing, a fountain of negativity and broken dreams that I haven't even thought due to the fact that - I know I can't.

I hate my personality and my physical being. It's even worse when your family points it out you every week. It's either "Emily! Can't you do something for once in your life?!" or "Emily, you need to lose weight!" I keep on saying "I know, I know!" But what I say and do are two entirely different things. I wish for once that I could and would stand by my words. Especially because my weight needs to be lost due to hereditary medical problems and I have the symptoms for it.

I know I've just spouted a whole lot of stupid things and maybe it's not as bad as I think it is, but what I will say it's my fault for all of this.

But thank you for reading this and this is my desperate plea (of sorts).

Anyways thank you so much,

Emily

[geoff]

Hello Emily, and a warm welcome to the forums.

When someone isn't mentally feeling well, then the worse you will be when other people criticise you and know this may have happened to many other people suffering from some sort of depression.

We're so sorry that you have to cope with these negative comments because it's so awkward to be able to walk away with your mind intact and gain any positivity unless you can reduce your own criticism or prejudice and be able to overcome and then try and find alternatives.

If you agree with these comments, this will only reinforce them and may tend to increase what they say to you, so I hope you can gain some confidence by talking with a counsellor.

Take care.

Geoff.

[therising]

Hi Emily

First, you're far from 'stupid'. You're in a state of consciously questioning both who you are and your direction in life. There are folk out there who don't question enough. You're at an incredibly significant point (the questioning of self). Also, you mention it's your fault. Now, I want to reassure you many people hold faults and some of these faults or flaws make it seriously difficult for young people who are trying to seek their most natural self. I'll ask you a question and the answer may perhaps surprise you when you really get thinking about it - 'Where are all the life skills that have been taught to you?'

I believe we begin life with many natural skills. Sadly, a lot of them are either removed from our backpack as we travel life's path or they're just not constructively added to. Some of these skills:

• The ability to wonder our way into taking action without letting thinking get in the way (inspiration). It's good to receive the skills of grounding but it's also incredibly important to maintain the art of wondering. Eg: 'I wonder what will happen if I post on the BB forum here?' You did it and here you are. The grounding aspect stops us from wondering about things that do not serve us well
• The ability to love unconditionally. How many times did you look in the mirror when you were 3 and think 'Oh, I look terrible!'? Chances are you unconditionally accepted yourself and got on with life. You didn't question a person's gender or the colour of their skin, you just loved life and everyone in it
• The natural intelligence to question 'Why?' to just about everything. We're typically told to stop questioning when we're little. Personally, I say question everything (within reason) that doesn't sit right
• The ability to maintain high energy levels. The amount of times we're brought down into low energy is staggering. We're not often taught how to manage our own energy, how to raise it or how to lower it when need be (eg: meditation)

The list of our natural abilities is a long one; it goes on. Where did all these abilities or skills disappear to? What are we left to raise our self with? These are a couple of questions to be asking when we're feeling unsure of how to live or when we're wrongly seeing faults in our self.The fault of not incorporating our natural skills into life goes back over many generations.

By the way, I'm a 49yo mum and am in the amazing process of regaining a lot of my natural abilities with the help of my 2 teenage kids.

🙂

[worldsuck]

Hi Emily Im kat 🙂

first of all you are not stupid. i need to make changes in my life but its hard when all you hear is negative feedback on everything.

You have a really great way with words, it read like a book passage 🙂 have you thought about doing writing at all? its a bit off topic but i can tell you arent stupid from the way this read. Our personality and physical being are changeable, but we all deserve good things no matter how they are. i think a support group would be good, are there any hobbies you have, perhaps you could find a local meetup group and work from there. whenever ive hit a brick wall in my life i find something like that is great way to boost confidence, and kinda get out of your own brain a bit you know? and people are generally pretty nice and welcoming. then some choices might be easier to make once you do self improvement.

ill see you around the forums 🙂 Kat