Hi guys

[Greyhound123]

Hi guys,

I am new here, (obviously). I have had OCD and seen a psychiatrist for as long as i can remember. I do not really do the rituals any more, however i really obsess over things sometimes. About 9 months ago my wife convinced me to stop taking my SSRI's so after discussion with my psychiatrist i stopped. However the pressure of university, my wedding and work built up and i decided to start taking them again after a few months. Fast forward to 3 months ago and I decided to stop again, because i really want to know what life is like not on medication. Everything was not too bad but i do tend to obsess, first it was over moving house and changing careers, which i got over, then it was uni results. But worst is over the last few days it has been over weather i am a good person and a good husband and good enough for my wife. I obsess over mistakes i have made in the past, like being rude etc. Over weather i am to grumpy with her. Over many things, i will dissect things over and over and over again in my head, all day and all night, the same thing, until i can't think of anything else, and want to cry. Over the last few days i felt suicidal. I will never do it, but i just felt like i have no worth, that if i died the repetition would stop and that i would be better off dead.I have thought about the same mistakes in the past and when in a sound frame of mind laughed to myself that why i would get upset over such trivial things. But at times like this it feels like the end of the world. I could talk to my wife but she doesn't understand. I have an appointment for my doctor in two weeks so hopefully I will calm down before then.

Many years ago i was active on an online anxiety support forum and found it a rewarding experience, hopefully i can get that from here too. I am also keen to hear from people who have stopped their medication for an extended period to see if it does make a difference in their lives.

[blondguy]

Hi Greyhound123

Im Paul and have been reading your thread. I was really anti-meds back in 1997 when my female GP kicked me so hard I went on them and still am. I do respect what you have said about 'what it would be like to be off them'.

You have had some excellent advice above from so many big hearted people from Marcsa's help about 'Mindfulness' and Geoff's learned experience that 'with any type of pressure the feelings will return'

If I may quote White Rose exactly ;

"Your comment about wanting to see what life was like without meds really
resonated with me. That was my idea and I still think it is valid. Now I
know I do not function really well without them. I really think I can
manage my life without ADs because I know so much more about me, my
triggers etc. Taking medication does not cure me. It help to keep me on a
more even balance. In many ways I believe I was mildly depressed for
much of my adult life, and this was exacerbated by my difficult
marriage. I think I will need to take this AD for the rest of my life,
but I no longer fight against this."

White Rose's comment has also just helped me a great deal tonight with my own AD's. Mary has a kind heart which she speaks from...I hope you can see what I have through her advice...Its Gold

Great to talk to you again Greyhound 🙂 Thankyou for writing back 🙂

Kind Thoughts for You

Paul