Hi from an angry person

[Gipsy85]

Hi, this is my first time here. I'm 38 and suffering from outbursts, angry explosions. I think people are talking about me, they do not like me or not invite me to anything... I lost the trust of my colleagues at work and just received a warning and now I cannot work until I behave myself. They are giving me a chance because next time will be termination. Its pretty hard, I feel lonely most of the times, and most of the times I want to be by myself, but its heartbreaking having no one to hold your hand. For me its hard making and preserving friendship. As I have depression and anxiety, I tried going to GP, taking some pills, hypnotherapy, meditation, people say to exercise, to eat healthy, but for me I just cannot find peace. I just think I'm a lost case. I know I still have a chance, but Im so tired of being in this hole, crying all the time and upsetting people all the time. What else I can do? Here is my last resource really... Im from overseas, have a 5 year old boy, no medicare...

[Sophie_M]

Hi Gipsy85,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for your bravery and openness in sharing here. It’s a really good place to have come to hear from others, many will understand some of what you’re going through.

It sounds like you’ve taken some really good steps in getting some support. It’s incredibly difficult when treatment doesn’t have any quick answers, and it can be a really tough journey. We encourage you to keep your prescribing doctor updated on what’s going on for you and seek a second opinion from a differing doctor if are looking for additional perspectives. It can be really frustating, but it can take a few different treatments and professionals before you find one that feels is helping you. It is a very normal part of keeping ourselves well and does not mean that you are a 'lost case' at all. 

If you want to talk through what you’re feeling at any time, the Beyond Blue Support Line is here for you 24/7 on 1300 22 4636. You can also reach them via Online Chat here.  

Thanks again for sharing. We’re here to listen and offer support, and you never know how your story might help someone else. 

Kind regards, 

Sophie M 

[snazzypretzel5]

Hi Gipsy85,

I am sorry you that things are challenging for you. I hear where you are when you feel that you are doing all the right things but it's not enough. Sophie_M is right to perhaps seek a second opinion if you can. I also wonder if you have had a good health check work up- because angry outbursts and uncontrolled tempers can be associated with blood sugar problems. So can low moods. If you have not had a blood test is there a way to get that done?

Do you have a partner or are you doing this on your own? What support do you have in your neighbourhood/community? I have lived overseas and in a few locations as a single parent and can identify with your isolation. I found play groups or churches were a great way to meet people. I am not religious, I just used to go to church to meet people. I found that a good resource . They also had a Sunday School so my daughter could have a nice social time. (I always went late to avoid all the God stuff 😜) There was always morning tea after and I could get to know folks from my local community and move around the different cliques. I still have some of those friends 20 years later.

It takes a while and some effort to make new friends and community, but it is worth putting yourself out there. I wish you the best and hope that things improve for you.

I hope that you let us know your progress!

[Magus]

Hello Gipsy 85,

You are responsible for a child, on your own, isolated in an alien culture and struggling with angry outbursts.  Yet you have the self-awareness and courage to stand back, take a good look at yourself, see yourself as others see you and ask for help.  That alone is worth a gold medal for proactive mental health self-care!  Well done!  I'll say it again, WELL DONE!!!

And now I'll stop SHOUTING....

Depression and anxiety are a perfectly natural response to the culturally and socially isolated state in which you find yourself; there is nothing wrong with you. Again, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!!!

You can help yourself with some of the techniques you have mentioned: breathing, meditation, exercise - they are all mood boosters. As are self-validations, daily gratitude mantras, singing (especially with others) and being in nature....

I have had 4 major bouts of depression in my life, each lasting between 10 and 15 months. Anti-depressants stopped me spiralling into suicidality but beyond that we're of little use....

Always here to help you turn those angry feelings into fuel for positive living.

Z