Hello, sad and new to the site.

[Nonny]

A bad day and just want to feel connected to someone.

I know in so many ways that I am lucky I hate feeling sorry for myself. A life time (30 plus years) of depression and medications have kept me here ... I have severe chronic health issues (though a new medication may help). My children are adults and have their own lives, I had to resign my job because my illness makes it difficult to work. My partner of 7 years, is lovely but very anxious and doesn't understand. His children don't see me as part of the family. I'm lost and struggle to keep my perspective.

[Nonny]

Thank you again Mary,

I obviously have to claim my share responsibility for any issues. I think we have very different families. Me and mine have a more inclusive style, and have a different way of thinking about the world in general, probably because it was just the three of us for so long and we didn't have family to lean on. Whereas their family seems to be closer so have less need to include others, I know I am not the only person to have met with this resistance, my husbands stepdad wasn't well received either.

It has been great to let this out, thank you so much.

I hope you are feeling better and the symptoms are in remission.

I thought I would be a grandma that would sew etc, but it's hard for me, my hands swell up to much and get too painful. I used to love my garden but am now restricted in what I can do. Thanks for your suggestion, I'll give it a go. Time to stop complaining! Wish I could give you a hug, please accept a virtual hug instead. xx

PS Planning on going for a short walk for a hot chocolate with my little dog.

[White_Rose]

Hello Nonny

I no longer have that condition I am happy to say. It would be about ten years ago, but I remember how I felt.

I am so pleased this forum has been helpful to you. This is why it was set up, to let people talk about their health difficulties and swop stories, advice, helpful hints and any other way that contributes to our feeling of wellness. And judging by the responses, this is exactly what happens.

I think when we have a disability, intermittent, temporary or permanent, it's a good idea to think about the activities we once enjoyed or would like to enjoy, and working out ways to be able to enjoy them again. For example,if you enjoy reading but find holding a book too heavy, then put a cushion on your lap and rest the book on that, or buy a Kindle or similar and download your books.

Your walk and hot chocolate as a reward sounds lovely. I am going to bed.

Goodnight.

Mary

[Nonny]

Hi Mary,

Just an update to tell someone, thanks for listening.

The walk (hobble, limp) for a hot chocolate was good to do.

My partner visited his family. It was not too bad during the time he was away but I was at a loss when he returned home any conversation/question was tricky for both of us. I just tried hanging in there waiting for time to pass. Time has passed but I don't have a long term solution.

I have managed over the last few years to develop some amazing panic attacks around hospitals so was carefully managing my anxiety over the upcoming infusion. A couple of years ago I had an operation as I was climbing into the lovely white hospital gown and my panic attack started, I tried my best to bring it under control, counting 1,2,3,4, and so on. Eventually they just put me out. However, when I woke in the recovery room the panic attack started up again as though I hadn't just been anesthetised for an hour or so. Bodies are amazing!

Anyway I had the first of my new infusion medication yesterday, fingers crossed my autoimmune system responds to this treatment. I'm a bit knocked around today but that's par for the course.

N, x

[White_Rose]

Hello Nonny

Good to know you have started on your new meds. Most meds need several doses before they start to kick in. ADs are notorious for this. Has your doctor said when you can expect some relief?

I know it's not funny but I had a little chuckle about your panic attack in the hospital. How unfair to have to pick up where you left off. You would think a reasonable time under an anaesthetic would allow your body to recuperate. Don't you just love the designer gowns you get to wear? It's well said there is no dignity in hospital.

I am impressed that you can manage your panic attacks. I used to have some good ones, although perhaps good is not the right word. I learned some ways of coping with them but really I think it was taking antidepressants and therapy that caused them to fade away. I often recommend people to read a book called Living with IT by Bev Aisbett. IT is anxiety and the author writes from her experience. It's funny in parts and has some great line drawings. The message is good and practical. A small paperback, easy read, not expensive.

It must be hard to talk to your partner when both families are on the banned list. Do you have interests in common? Have you brought him up to speed on your new meds?

Hot chocolate is a good reward. Glad you were able to limp far enough to get it. What did your dog get?

Mary

[Nonny]

Hi Mary,

I aways chuckle about the op anxiety attack, luckily the nurse had something fabulous that brought me back under control in the recovery room that day. I'll look up the book you mentioned. My AD's don't make a dent if I decide (unconsciously) to have panic attack. Luckily these days they seem mostly to be around hospitals and I understand why. I did have rather good one where I walked 5 kilometres in no time flat, talking the entire way with my poor partner running behind me, (well I could walk better then).

My next infusion is in 2 weeks and hopefully I should see some results between the 2nd and 3rd infusion. Other wise I will be taken of the government list and back to morphine and cortisone! I see my specialist after the 2nd infusion and will get some more info then. One step at a time.

I have talked with my partner about my new meds. With his high levels of anxiety I don't like to overload him, which in turn adds to my depression/anxiety. What a pair we make. We do love each other. I ask about the grand babies and try not to say anything that could be misconstrued about anyone else, those dam eggshells break easily though. My partner is on a internet group with my interstate daughter and her family, I'm not sure how up-to-date he is, I do raise them and comment funny photos.

My ex RSPCA little (under 4 kilo) doggy loves the local cafe he knows that there is special treat waiting (as in one he approves of), lots of pats and attention from people walking past.He owns the shopping strip and knows which shops to go to. After coffee we used to go and visit the op shop for a new toy, more pats and attention. Sadly doggies are now banned and he is too much of an anxious woofer (oh that makes three of us) to be tied up outside shops, so we op shop there no more. Being so small I/he/ we get away with a lot, most people don't realise I am (rather cheekily and not in food places) carrying him around. Those that notice though always want cuddle.

x