Feeling like I'm drowning

[Claref30]

Hello Everyone, I don't really know where to start so I guess I'm just going to start at the being - so I'm 32 and I've been suffering with anxiety and depression since I was 13. For the last 6 Years of my life I've been a full time carer for my mum who is physically disabled and my intellectual disabled brother. Last year I also began caring for another of my siblings after he suffered a stroke. When my brother had his stroke I had to give up my personal space for him because he became unable to continue with his previous living arrangements, I've been sleeping on the lounge room floor on an air mattress for the last 9 months. I don't get any support from my other family members and the last couple of weeks I haven't been dealing well - I've tried to talk to them but they just brush me off. I feel like I'm at my braking point - like I'm under water and no one's there to pull me up. I don't know what to do anymore.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Gee, what a wonderful person you are!!

I'm limited as to how to answer your post. I've put out the smoke signals to my fellow champions to see if they have any ideas.

Respite- can you apply for this? Try your community support people, your GP or local council. Can you put direct pressure to your relatives to give you a break- eg "I need help can you take care of my responsibilities for 3 days?" A direct question requires a direct answer, no ummm, arghhh, ...yes or no.

Can you have a review done of the family's financials eg if your home is a purchase can you ask family to sell it and purchase something more appropriate so you have your own room?

TonyWK

[Croix]

Dear Claref30~
Welcome here, I’m glad Tony has already greeted you and like him think you are one of those wonderful people that see to the welfare of others, the 'glue' if you like that holds everything together. And of course, the world does need such people - it also needs them to last and not become ill.

With people you feel responsible for there is a great and very human tendency to regard oneself as a bottomless well of care, strength and adaptability. It's a myth of course. You have limits - and you have over-reached yours to the extent that things have become serious.

To put it bluntly if you end up in hospital the whole pack of cards falls over, all your juggling to keep things going will be to no avail.

Look, I'm not telling you anything you do not already know. Each decision you make, like giving up your bed, is made for what seems like good and sufficient reasons at the time. These all add up until they total too much. - So you are here.

You need support, and you know this. However you have not been able to find it yet - you will. You are obviously a very capable person, all the care you do proves this.

Please use that capability on your behalf, start with your GP in an extended consultation, both about your anxiety and depression, but also about your situation and the care needed for those three other people.

I'd also start at the same time with our own 24/7 Help Line on 1300 22 4636 which may be able to advise you what is in your area.

You need at the least respite, and with determination you will get it. You also need permanent help with your family.

If none of that helps then contact the social organizations , St Vincent's', Anglicare and so on, even Centerlink. Those organizations that represent your mother and two brothers’ disabilities. Whatever Social Welfare Agency is in your state, and so on. Don't give up.
Also
https://www.carergateway.gov.au/emergency-respite

Even if you find no instant fix straight away, this problem you face is not an uncommon one and there are solutions.

Please let us know how you go

Croix

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Claref30,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for your post. I'm so sorry that you're struggling with this; caring for one person can take it's toll on you, let alone caring for three! It's no wonder that you're feeling like you're drowning.

You mentioned in your post that family brush you off, how about other friends, people? Do you have any support around you? This could be a respite worker, or even just a friend, neighbour or therapist.

You are more than welcome to continue to chat here; rest assured we won't brush you off (especially since Croix and TonyWK welcomed you!).

One resource you might want to try is Carers Australia on 1800 242 636, or finding your state here - https://www.carersaustralia.com.au/about-us/contact/ That way they can redirect you to different resources that can help you out.

Hope this helps,

[White_Rose]

Dear Clare

Welcome to the forum. You are doing a magnificent job which is taking all the pressure off the rest of your family. I am worried about you as without support you can easily work yourself into the ground. Your first priority needs to be yourself. It's not selfish, it's very practical. Unless you are well you are unable to help anyone else. Dragging yourself to the various tasks only works for so long. At this point everyone suffers.

Your other replies have given a list of organisations to contact and ask for help so I suggest you do this. Keep asking. I am disappointed with the attitude of your family. Letting you shoulder the whole burden is a poor response. May I ask if your mother and brothers have signed Enduring Powers of Attorney and Health Directives. If not I suggest you arrange this. No need to ask your family, simply organise it through your state Public Trustee. You are the person doing the caring and need authority to manage any financial matters that may arise.

I also feel you need some legal advice as families will suddenly decide to make changes to various routines without consultation. Again talk to your state Public Trustee which will be free of charge. If you are the carer you need to have all these matters in your hands without the need to ask others and wait until someone else makes decisions that affect you. This just does not work.

Does the NDIS provisions affect your family? I am not well up on this but suggest you look into it. What do you live on? Do you get a carers pension from CentreLink? This is important as being the official carer gives you more rights and the ability to make decisions. Make sure they know you are caring for three people not just mom.

You are a very loving person to take on this role and I take my hat off to you. Perhaps you can buy a bed and set it up in your lounge room instead of sleeping on an air mattress.

Mary