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Disillusioned
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30-04-2019
12:06 PM
Hello
Just joined this forum because I realised that I have a negative outlook on life and don't really know who I am anymore.
I am a guy in late 40s, married with 2 beautiful, healthy and intelligent daughters. We live in a large regional town where we all grew up. I probably appear to be doing OK in life, and I have always tried to be a well-rounded person who strives to continue learning new things and develop myself.
I have always struggled with finding suitable work and don't seem to be able to network at all.
I tried to resolve this situation a few years ago by committing to a new career and university study in a female-dominated field. I completed my degree with distinction and expected that this would provide me with the pathway I needed in life to perform a useful function in society and obtain stable employment near our home town.
It has not worked out well, I had to move away for a year for my first job around 4hrs from home.
I was stressed with the challenges of my new job physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted.
My wife did not seem to miss me, never called and rarely responded to texts. When I messaged her the responses were factual and contained no expression of affection. Our relationship has deteriorated to the point where it seems to me she concerns herself only with her own blood family, our kids and her obsession with social media.
After the end of that year I was so homesick and managed to find a job back home with a small private organisation. I thought this would be the break I needed to mend my relationship. That hasn't worked out either as I found the organisation to be unethical and I was being asked to break the law in a regular basis. In addition, I suffered an extremely traumatic event at work which was just awful and received no support from the employer. I took leave after 6mths and later was told I wasn't "a good fit" and not to return.
Now I have no job, no motivation to find work in my chosen field, the bills are piling up and I feel worthless, useless and fearful. I regret entering the field of work, I am in debt for my studies and not prepared to relocate again, not is my wife. She isn't open to talking about things and chooses to be of the "get over it and do what you have to do" viewpoint. I don't feel that medication would help me and have seen the results of people expecting that it would solve their problems.
Just joined this forum because I realised that I have a negative outlook on life and don't really know who I am anymore.
I am a guy in late 40s, married with 2 beautiful, healthy and intelligent daughters. We live in a large regional town where we all grew up. I probably appear to be doing OK in life, and I have always tried to be a well-rounded person who strives to continue learning new things and develop myself.
I have always struggled with finding suitable work and don't seem to be able to network at all.
I tried to resolve this situation a few years ago by committing to a new career and university study in a female-dominated field. I completed my degree with distinction and expected that this would provide me with the pathway I needed in life to perform a useful function in society and obtain stable employment near our home town.
It has not worked out well, I had to move away for a year for my first job around 4hrs from home.
I was stressed with the challenges of my new job physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted.
My wife did not seem to miss me, never called and rarely responded to texts. When I messaged her the responses were factual and contained no expression of affection. Our relationship has deteriorated to the point where it seems to me she concerns herself only with her own blood family, our kids and her obsession with social media.
After the end of that year I was so homesick and managed to find a job back home with a small private organisation. I thought this would be the break I needed to mend my relationship. That hasn't worked out either as I found the organisation to be unethical and I was being asked to break the law in a regular basis. In addition, I suffered an extremely traumatic event at work which was just awful and received no support from the employer. I took leave after 6mths and later was told I wasn't "a good fit" and not to return.
Now I have no job, no motivation to find work in my chosen field, the bills are piling up and I feel worthless, useless and fearful. I regret entering the field of work, I am in debt for my studies and not prepared to relocate again, not is my wife. She isn't open to talking about things and chooses to be of the "get over it and do what you have to do" viewpoint. I don't feel that medication would help me and have seen the results of people expecting that it would solve their problems.
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02-05-2019
05:33 PM
Hey there Jeh,
That's rough, I can relate to the stress of student debt, studies, and difficulty finding work, but I can only imagine how much worse those would be at your age.
Is there anybody else in your life, close enough that you can talk to them about what's going on?
It sounds like you've got a lot to worry about, job, relationship, and bills - don't let yourself drown in it all, keep your chin up and take it all one day at a time.
