EMPTINESS???

[eukaryote]

Hello all!

I am new to this forum, in fact I am new to even opening up about pretty much anything so I look forward to talking with you all. To be honest I don't even know where to begin, so I'll keep it short and simple -

Almost a decade ago, I was having the time of my life. And by that I mean that I was feeling good about myself - I was achieving, I was being praised (admitted something you should definitely not solely rely on) and overall had a very secure sense of self and purpose. However, after this things just seemed to gradually go down hill, year after year. While I still felt the need to achieve, it was as though my 'mojo' had just evaporated into thin air! Those around me started to achieve more than myself, which at the time significantly bothered me (unfortunately at the time I was competitive, perhaps from an inflated ego from the previous years). While I eventually I got what needed to be done (not to the best of my abilities) my self esteem or motivation never quite returned.

Now in the past year or two, my motivation, self esteem and sense of purpose feels like it has just completely deflated. While I have something I am working towards in life, everything seems pointless. I'm not sure if I have depressive symptoms, considering that I never consulted a mental health professional. However, lately it has got to the point where I don't feel like getting out of bed purely because I don't see the point, I don't want to sleep at night because for some odd reason it seems like a chore (I look at my phone instead), I feel heavy and often procrastinate because of feeling overwhelmed, even with simple tasks.

Those close to me have started to become frustrated with my recent lack of achievements or motivation, I can understand that I may just come across to them as 'lazy'. One of my loved ones constantly refers to me as a "loser" when she is worried and frustrated with me. Mental health as a whole is a very taboo subject with those close to me. I had once tried to open up to them but they claimed that depression is just an escape route or a mask for my naturally lazy nature.

Guess I am just writing this to get it off my chest and also connect with anyone experiencing something remotely similar. I apologise that this is so long! But I do hope talk with everyone 🙂

[Billyc]

Hi Eukaryote,

welcome to the forum, it’s a good place to share your thoughts and experiences, I’m recently new and have found it very helpful.

Im sorry you are going through this.

i can sort of relate to the impact your feeling it’s having around you,

Do you know where this is stemming from?

Has their been any significant changes in your life? I was very ambitious when I started out, and did well, 20 years later I feel like I was meant to do something else... which makes it hard to stay motivated with what I’ve spent so much time investing in.

You mentioned you don’t know what it relates too mentally as you have not had a check up, is that correct?

Typically A GP would be reccomended as a starting point, but there are others on this forum with more knowledge than me that can help further.

if you don’t hear from them shortly, try reading through some other threads that you can relate too. You will find some good advice.

Keep me posted