friendly chat & sharing

[moodyblue16]

Hello

I'm a mature aged female (late fifties) and divorced for over 15 years. I have 2 adult children and currently live with my daughter. Since 2001 I was diagnosed with depression and have been on medication since then. When I was first diagnosed I was told that I was depressed and anxious because I was handling too much in my personal life on my own (my kids were little then), I'm sure a lot of you can relate to this. At the start I experienced panic attacks, claustrophobia, sleeplessness and often felt like my nerves were frayed and at screaming pitch. Even the slightest sound would make me jump e.g, if someone came into the room and closed a door I would startle as if the door slammed, or if something dropped on the floor in another room it would seem like a really loud noise.

I work full time in an office and can function normally (seemingly to my colleagues) even when I experience mild anxiety like I have over the past few days however I get so tired of the symptoms, the constant pall of gloom, the rapid heartbeats and feelings of fear, extreme body aches and pains, the feeling of isolation even in the midst of family and friends, inability to enjoy things I usually enjoy, feeling on the verge of crying uncontrollably if someone casually asks "how are you doing?" or "is something bothering you? You don't look like your usual self".

This is the first time EVER that I've shared some of what I feel on a public forum and would just like to hear from others experiencing similar feelings so I won't feel so alone. Whenever I try to talk to well meaning family and friends they tell me to 'go out more' or 'cheer up'. If I seem like I'm rambling forgive me, my thoughts are all over the place at the moment.

Thanks for the chance to share some of my feelings and thoughts with you all.

[Billyc]

Hi Moody blue,

I like your rambles..

welcome! And welldone for sharing,

My contract to an amazing job was recently terminated because I could cope with the anxiety. I would hide in the bathroom for 15 minutes at a time because I felt everyone could see my trembling body! I’d get the sweats and feared for my safety every time I’d open my mouth and talk.

The saddest part of this is that I was the most experienced of my craft in the firm and just found out yesterday that they wished I could come back because people were looking up to me and enjoyed my company... so we’ve come to an agreement that once I’m in a better place they want to talk to me again so all is not lost!

Im glad you live with your daughter and that you have company.

I never thought I’d say that as I had problems living with my ex and her mum.. turns out then problem was I’m my head,

thanks for sharing