Compassion Fatigue & Carer Burnout

[mumof9]

Good evening everyone, 

I don't know where to post and I don't know what to expect. 

I am a mother of 9 children. 6 older children who are gainfully employed and moving on with their lives.

However I then have; 1 child who is 34 suffered an ABI after being struck by a motor vehicle when he was 21, then having a stroke 12 months later. Despite making an amazing recovery, he now runs his own business however I do have to provide a lot of support to him still in terms of managing finances and ensuring his legal obligations (BAS, TAX returns, Worksafe, etc) and all paid for and submitted on time. 

I also have a 19 year old with ASD and anxiety, who has just completed year 12 🙂 

And a 17 year old daughter who has ASD, ID, Non verbal, ABI & non verbal. Almost 2 years ago she had a meltdown and banged her head so badly that she caused bleeding to the brain. She also had severe behaviours of concern in that there is not a week that goes by where I am not suffering from bruises, sprains, broken bones, black eyes, concussions.

I thought I was coping until my daughters phycologist wrote a report in which he outlined that I am suffering from compassion fatigue and carers burnout - now I can't stop crying. 

He quite possibly is right - I do feel down in the dumps, boredom/stress eat, smoke to much at times, break down crying as I just can't seem to make my daughter happy - I can't fix her anxiety, fears. Her behaviours then lead to my son becoming dysregulated. 

But I put on the happy face because I feel like I am failing inside, and there is no way I am telling my other kids how I really feel. They recently lost their dad and I have been trying to help them through it. 

I don't know why I am writing all this, maybe because it is easier to reach out to strangers who won't judge.....

[MISSMEOW]

Hi There, wow firstly id like to say well done for reaching out, it can be so hard making that first step. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and can completely understand the feeling of burnout. As much as i read this and think wow that would burn me out emotionally as well , i cant help but notice what a super parent you are! Showing up and being there for your family is always second nature especially when youre a mum, but of course you are a human too and it can surely run you thin as you mention suffering from compassion fatigue. Its funny, compassion fatigue can almost be seen as a compliment and testament to your dedication but it comes with an unfortunate tole on yourself. I can understand as well on putting on the mask for others to show a happy face and be brave, and i can guarantee your children see you as an amazing mother for them and you should not feel a failure. You should be proud of how strong, compassionate and caring you are. A little you time may help you find some relief, this could be anything from a massage, mediation, reading, listening to music, anything that makes you feel good! a little self care can make you feel grounded and clear your head so you can process your thoughts and emotions as well as speaking to a professional, taking care of yourself will help you recharge and continue to be the great mother you are 😊