cant stop crying

shellseeker · ‎14-06-2016

Hi, I am new here. I have spent all weekend crying...cant seem to stop,,,,not unusual for me as I have done this in the past and I know it will eventually pass and I will come out the other end and get on with it....just wish stuff would stop hijacking me and holding me prisoner for days on end...sorry sounds overly dramatic but honestly I get so tired of this stuff and then pulling myself together and being the person everyone expects me to be. I am sure that people here will understand what I am saying (after reading some of the posts I feel safe expressing myself and I thank you all for the support that you give to others) it has encouraged me to speak. I have experienced anxiety and depression since my childhood and I am now 62. I remember as a child withdrawing and waiting, watching and trying to understand why I felt so upset and so alone and trying so hard to "fit". My story is sometimes hard for me to comprehend and understand and I was there, I feel others would probably see it as some sort of "soap opera" type thing...it has been one event after another...I really can not go there right now...I just have to rise above this overwhelming sadness. I have had counselling since my mid twenties, been on and off medication, read everything I could, done courses, asked questions, have a diploma in counselling and I consider myself intelligent and logical but that doesnt stop the dark times from creeping up on me and consuming me. I do understand I will always have this and I will always have to cope .....It isnt logical it just is. My family label me as over emotional and I withdraw and hide until I am in control again and can deal with "stuff". As I get older I have found it harder to cope as my life is not as busy and I am not needed....I had to give up work about 3 years ago due to an injury and that took structure away from me...working made me "pull myself together"....I volunteer now but have not been able to do anything for that last two months as I had a fall...but I am due to go back soon....not sure what triggered me this weekend, probably lots of things and once I started the familiar cycle had a life of its own. Well thanks for listening....deep breath...have a warm shower and put on my happy face and try to climb out of this pit...I can do it...been doing it all my life. Thanks again for this safe place.

Kimberley-Fay · ‎14-06-2016

Shell seeker..... big hug. I hope the warm shower helped even little bit. Right now thats what you need to focus on. Doing the little things that put warmth back into your body. You are loved, you are special and you are needed in this world. Deep breaths over and over again....you will march down to that tunnel and light it yourself when you are ready too, in the mean time, warm showers, deep breaths and lots of love.

pipsy · ‎14-06-2016

Hi shellseeker. If it's any consolation, a couple of years ago, I was where you are now. I felt there was no reason to 'go on'. I felt no-one would care if I wasn't here. That is so not true. I am 65 and through finding BB and the happiness of venting and being heard, I felt the sun come back. I hear in your post, the same 'snap out of it' from your family as I experienced. Not easy? Where do you start. You've climbed the first rung of that endless ladder, posting here. The first step, the hardest, reaching out. The second step, slightly easier, someone's there reaching out their hand to grab yours. We're here, reaching out our hands ready to help pull you the rest of the way up. Staying up, better, someone is encouraging you to stay on top. Set-backs depends on you, there will be, the amount is your ability to overcome (with help) those set-backs. Counselling ready, available, again, your choice. Unsure if you are female or male, alone or in a relationship. If the relationship is not an emotionally supportive one, all the more reason to stay here with us, till you are strong enough to make whatever decisions you have to. Everyone here has been right where you are now, we help, support, guide, give hugs where necessary. Our 'family' atmosphere is our strength. You are welcome to share as often as needed.

Lynda.

Lost_Girl · ‎14-06-2016

Hi Shellseeker,

I just want to say hello and let you know you're not alone in this.

I am 41 and my journey has not been as long as yours but months ago I was crying everyday and unable to pull my self together. I couldn't speak for the first 20mins of my GP appointment.

Lynda has given you all the advice there on options of where to go. I found my GP and the meds a saviour at the time.

I still have my moments and they are largely around me feeling "useless", as I am unable to work at the moment and not being at work or out and about lends itself to a type of loneliness (even though I love my hubby and 3 kids).

I wonder if it's the absence of your volunteer work and the social aspects for you?

There are wonderful people here to support you.

Kind thoughts,

Carol

pipsy · ‎14-06-2016

Hi Carol. You are a beautiful person who is in a bit of a 'funk' right now. Hopefully soon you will be able to return to work and this will restore your faith. I have found since starting volunteer work it has been a Godsend. The clients we deal with are very warm and have amazing senses of humour. Often the people I volunteer with are reduced to tears of laughter through the comradeship we share. These forums have the same warmth and this is what it's all about. People who suffer debilitating depression are often extremely lonely and misunderstood. Because of this, they often lack motivation. Coming on these forums often is all they need, the knowledge they're not alone. The AD's do help, but the need for the AD's is also often misunderstood and for this reason the person often refuses to take them. My darkness has completely lifted, although sometimes the clouds try to shield the sun. When this happens my happy memories from here and my volunteer work bring the sun back. Hoping the sun will also shine again soon for you.

Lynda

white knight · ‎14-06-2016

Hi,

I can't add to the beaut responses thus far except to offer you my support and recommend reading the following threads. Use google

Topic: is crying good or bad for you- beyondblue

Topic: 30 minutes can change your life- beyondblue

Topic: be radical- beyondblue

Topic: they just won't understand,why- beyondblue

Tony WK

shellseeker · ‎16-06-2016

Hi, Thanks everyone for your responses and suggestions. Kimberley-Fay your words were like a lovely warm blanket that wrapped around me thank you so much I appreciate your care and time.

Lynda thanks for your words of encouragement and suggestions, reading them helped clear the clouds for me to see. I am female and live alone. Life is full of hurdles for everyone and that is how it is but when the hurdles are too close together and you don't get to put your feet on the ground and catch your breath for the next one it is hard to have the strength to deal with the challenges and can be overwhelming, and I guess that is where I am at the moment.

My depression kicks in and I dont seem to be able to find the energy to deal with it all, I cry, I sleep, I procrastinate, even simple things are huge. I grew up with a narcassist mother and have only recently realised and accepted that I am co-dependent some days I have a clear understanding of what this means other days I am confused. My mother passed two years ago and my brother ( have one sibling) wanted to build a relationship with me, we were not close, we tried but it is toxic for me (he is mum in another body) but it has taken me the last year or so to see and realise it. Yes he has helped me with somewhere to live (I was living with my son and daughter-in-law in another State as I couldnt afford to live on newstart benefit) I now have some money from my mother's estate to use to supplement me. On the surface and to others he looks the caring protective brother (dont get me wrong I appreciate what he has done) BUT he bullies, manipulates, yells , calls me names and invalidates me, accusses me of being the cause of our family's dysfunction growing up...told me I drove my father to lose his temper and drink...me! probably between 8 - 10 years old....which is what my mother would say...I was a nervous child and mealtimes were hell...if I didnt eat everything on my plate dad would get angry slam his fist on the table and yell and then storm out of the house to the pub...mum would say "hope your happy with yourself young lady". I never realised that 50 years later he holds me responsible for the decision and actions of an adult. I have realised that there is no hope of ever having a "normal" relationship with him and that there is no point in talking to anyone about it as he is the charismatic, successful and in control one. Not playing that game anymore.

LG and WK thanks for your support.

pipsy · ‎16-06-2016

hi shellseeker. It's so sad that the damage done by existing/being raised in a dysfunctional family can have long lasting effects on us. Children from these families often grow up believing they're responsible for all the trouble in the family. Dad or mum loses their jobs, our fault. Parents drink, our fault, the list goes on. Children are often the innocent, forgotten victims and grow up believing they should never have been born. Often children become victims of PTSD as a result of narc parents, or alcohol abuse. Are you seeing a counsellor/therapist to help get you through the dark times? Also perhaps a course of short term AD-'s for relaxation would help you. If you're not, it might be helpful to talk to your Dr about seeing someone who can guide you. We have trained counsellors ready to listen, guide, offer emotional support, but perhaps face to face counselling may also be beneficial.

Lynda