Advice please :)

[Jem_]

Hi! My story is probably the least eventful so feel free to move along.

I started secretly dieting from the age of 11, constantly dropping the pounds and gaining it all back. Though, my weight was never a significant part of my life. My parents divorced when I was 15. I felt alone and neglected by my mother and sisters, while trying to take care of my dad and other siblings. I felt as though I had no control over any aspect of my life anymore. Jogging was new to me, but I liked it because it relieved the stress of the feud between my only family. Running pushed me past my comfort zone and made me feel proud of something. Then I stopped eating the easy greasy foods my dad cooked us and opted for dry salads instead. Watching the weight drop was a whole new feeling.

For a while after my parents got back together I got a job and cut out my habit of running till i passed out, and ate normally. I never really told anyone about it, but I started having digestive issues early this year. I'm now borderline to being underweight for my age (16). My parents keep trying to get me to gain weight but the more they do the more i desire to stay thin. Food gets scary if i cant count the calories. It's a hard feeling to explain. Like it's your self worth. Like the compliments I get are everything to me. The perfect child, my mum called me. It's also hard to talk to her because I have other siblings with mental illnesses and I don't want to be another burden, but I feel like I'm losing myself and I don't know what to do. Can past events trigger something like this?

Advice or support would be appreciated

Thank you 🙂

[blondguy]

Hello Jem_

Welcome to the forums and good on you for having the courage to post too!

I have bumped your thread up as this an important topic you have written and there are many gentle people on the forums that can be here for you. My experience is with anxiety and depression yet I noticed your last paragraph.

Like yourself I have siblings with various levels of mental illness. I really think your mum would appreciate if you spoke to her about your feelings....even if you copy this page and give it to her...No one is perfect...and never a burden!

Past events can sometimes cause us think or act in ways we are not used to Jem_ including our eating patterns yet thats for your GP or counselor to determine....(I see my GP for advice when I feel my anxiety coming on)

you are an amazing person for being so proactive and being a part of the forums 🙂

There is no judgement on the forums Jem_ I do you hope you can post back if you wish to that is

my kind thoughts

Paul

[therising]

Hi Jem

Wow, you are an incredibly powerful person regarding the way you've helped other and taken control of your life over a period of time where the stress must have felt pretty overwhelming. To also knock back food that you know isn't so good for you is to be admired.

So, what happens when self-discipline takes a turn and becomes something altogether different? I suppose the question becomes 'What would you really like to discipline your self in now?'

• Not caring so much about what others think of your appearance
• Looking at alternative diets with lots of healthy energy generating calories (vegetarian, vegan, pescatarian or something else)
• Committing to seeing a dietician, so as to gain greater understanding regarding how your body ticks and how all your chemistry works together (mind and body)
• Committing to seeing someone in the field of mental health or even someone in the field of spiritual well being. By the way, naturopaths focus holistically on the mind, body, spirit (natural self) combination. Might trigger some excitement in you if you look up exactly what they do

Just a handful of suggestions.

Is it possible that you know what you don't want in your life but you're not exactly sure what you do want? It might feel a little like being stuck in unknown territory without knowing which way to turn next. Whether you choose the avenue of mental health, dietician or naturopath for example, to be able to go to your mum and say 'Mum, I know what I want to do and it's this...' perhaps that may have some positive impact. If she questions your choice, you can always say 'Mum, I spent a lot of time helping others, it's time the favor was returned. It's time to help me.' You deserve this Jem.

May sound a bit strange but perhaps you body loves de-stressing and being healthy, it just can't clearly communicate to you exactly the best way to go about this. Once you find direction, it will love you. When this happens, approval from others often becomes insignificant because you're on your own high, loving your body and what it can do for you, without relying on other's comments.

Discovering new ways in which to balance our incredibly powerful natural energy can be a liberating experience. Needing someone expert to help us is key to such an education and journey. By the way, it's important to remain aware of those around us who can be draining us, as opposed to empowering us. Insist on empowerment from others, you have every right to ask this of them.

🙂

[Jem_]

Thank you:) I feel like seeing my gp would be a good alternative to a nutritionist and more affordable. I really appreciate the advice and feel very welcome here

[smallwolf]

Hi Jem,

Welcome.

It takes courage to be able to write a post on the forums - you don't really know if or when someone will reply or what they might say. The people here are all supportive and non-judgemental.

Our cases/situations/issues are all unique brought about our experiences of our lives and how we reacted to these which bring us to the NOW.

therising is correct about not caring too much about what other things, however if you have been doing this for sometime it can be hard to let go, and if you try this and do care about what other think, that is normal - it will take time. Brene Browne said once she has a small piece of paper, and she only cares for the opinion of the names on that paper, everyone else thoughts do not matter to her.

Looking back on events - when did you start counting food calories? What happened then? Is there a need to control what you eat?

You could do a similar exercise on your need for compliments. (For me, a compliment was that I did not screw up something, as opposed to doing a good job or congratulation.)

What does being the perfect child mean to you?

Admittedly when I spoke to mum about mental health problems, I was more than twice your age and she was the first person I spoke to. You are nearly an adult and while I don't ages of any your brothers or sisters, you can talk to her as an adult, and I am sure she would listen to you. You are no more or less a person for doing this - you are only human.

headspace and kids helpline have a lot of good resources you might want to have a look at. for example see

https://headspace.org.au/friends-and-family/understanding-body-image-issues-in-children/

https://kidshelpline.com.au/teens

Your story does matter and is worth listening to. I will listen...

Tim

[blondguy]

Hey Jem__

Its wonderful that you feel comfortable here 🙂

any questions are always welcome Jem_

I hope your week is good to you!

Paul