2nd Time Back here - Stuffed up BIG this time

THP71 · ‎12-06-2020

Don't really know where to start but need to get some of this out so here I go.

I haven't been on BB for around 6 years that was the last time I had depression. I have been off antidepressants for around 2 years (things going well) In reality I have been on a downward slope for the last 18 months and should have got help before now.

In the last 18 months I have been made redundant twice, 2nd time at end of March start of Covid. I won't go into detail but the last 18 months of work has been extremely degrading for me as well as reductions in pay, in hindsight I should have got help. I have always held a good job and worked all my life I am 48 years old.

My partner was on disability pension because she has 3 damaged vertebrae in her neck which are too far gone for surgery. She lives in constant pain, it is just a matter of how bad is it today. Money has been one of our biggest issues so despite the pain she has tried to go back to work because money was tight. This has caused her to nearly have a breakdown, the pain is unbearable and she has not been able to function normally.

So with all this going on in my head I was approached to do something Illegal which I thought would make me some good money (solve some of my problems). I know it was not right but I was at my whits end and desperate. I take full responsibility for my actions and can not blame anyone but myself anyway I got caught by the police, now I am facing criminal charges.

This has sent my anxiety / depression into overdrive. I have been to my doctor and am back on antidepressants and waiting to see a psychologist. This event has shattered me I don't want to face anyone, I am struggling. I have wrecked my reputation, my future prospects for work, I have not told my parents because I am too ashamed. I am now scared of losing everything, my house and the little I do have left.

My partner is supportive with me but she is going through her own issues with pain and depression so this weighs on my mind heavily also. I just feel so helpless and lost at the moment and like my whole life has been one big mess-up.

Anyway thanks for reading, I know I am a bit all over the place but just wanted to get some of it out.

blondguy · ‎18-06-2020

Hey THP

Thanks heaps for your super kind post above

Headspace is good value..Can I ask if your day was okay?

my kind thoughts always

Paul

THP71 · ‎19-06-2020

Hey Paul

My day was OK until I found out my psychologist has NOT yet received my referral, it has been 15 days since my DR was suppose to send it.

I was trying to be proactive and rang the psychologist to see if I could speed things up a bit and found out they have not received my referral. I think I have it sorted now after many frustrating phone calls.

Just very frustrating I wanted to speak to someone ASAP and it seems like they can't even get that right, has delayed me at least 2 weeks, now maybe a month or more to see someone. The system is NOT good.

Anyway I have it sorted now I think so feel a little better and as I said the meditation seems to be helping, 1 day at a time, today will be a good day.

Thanks for listening Paul

Sandonz · ‎28-06-2020

Hi, Firstly let me say I really feel for your situation, and hopefully it is your first time straying from ther path and things might pan out less dauntingly than you expect. I hope you have good legal advice. I have also Stuffed up something so badly that meant a lot to me, and although it is not an illegal matter, it has led me to severe anxiety, depression, feelings of hopelessness and at times contemplating suicide. The torment that the mind goes through, I can relate to that. Hopefully your partner can support you and be your soulmate to guide you through. I dont know your age, but hoping you are young enough to have a great 2nd chance. My situation must be dealt with silently in my own headspace. It partly involves my husband, so I cannot talk to him about it. I wish you well, and please keep visiting the forum..

THP71 · ‎01-07-2020

Thanks for the kind words Sandonz,

Yes my partner is very supportive which helps greatly although she is going through her own issues which add to my worry.

I am 48 years old and worry about finding work again especially after I go through court, I will end up with a criminal record and yes this is my first time in trouble with the law.

I don't know if it will help you, it must be hard not being able to talk to your partner but I found the meditation on headspace great, I believe it has helped me greatly.

Anyway thanks for posting and good luck with your journey, remember there are a lot of good people on this site that can help, give them a call if you need to, I have, they are great it helps.

hob2 · ‎05-07-2020

[delayed me at least 2 weeks, now maybe a month or more to see someone. The system is NOT good.."

same here; delayed 6 months By Centrelink ! driving me around the bend; so they send Police..

meebee Julia can have their "listen" RULES changes to "show some EMPATHY"

hob2 · ‎05-07-2020

meebee it helps u knowing u saved one from that slippery slope;

i was way past Begging & Borrowing . only St..... left, till i read yur post.

So tks mate, your doing good already!

THP71 · ‎09-07-2020

Hey hob2 glad my post helped you.

Crime definitely Does NOT pay.

Yes some empathy does go along way.

I jumped onto the website mindspot you can do their course straight away 6 months + is too long to wait. I am on the 3rd week and have found it to be helpful as I still haven't seen my psychologist.

Anyway good luck on your journey