What were your red flags and green flags when finding a therapist?

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi everyone,

I have an appointment with my therapist soon and I was thinking about how hard it has been to really find someone that I can connect with, and I thought it might be a cool discussion to have - especially since it can be hard finding a therapist in the first place, let alone one you like- and if it's someones first time, we're not always sure what to expect!

Some of my red flags from older therapists have been telling me that things (abuse) was all my fault, telling me either I don't need therapy or I should be in therapy for a long time and cancelling and rescheduling all the time.

Some of the green flags for me have been letting me share how I feel about therapy, talking about our relationship without being scared by it, feeling validated and feeling safe.

I think I'd known that I'd found my (long-term) therapist in the first session because I felt really comfortable and safe with her, although sometimes it can take a little while.

What about you? Have you had any red flags or green flags you want to share?

rt

[tryingmybes7]

Thank you so much for your response Lillylane. This has definitely provided me with some guidance.

I will find a moment to ask him a few more questions about the approach of his therapist and if it's not working we will make an appointment to go back to the GP.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi tryingmybes7,

Welcome, and thank you for your great question. I'm glad that you're here, although I will give you a little nudge to start your own thread if that's ok, just so that we (and other members) can support you. Plus you may find that you get more support if people can read and relate to the title.

I agree, it does sound like it's a bad fit with your husband and his therapist. Every therapist has different approaches and different styles, and it might not be a red flag, but just not what they need at the time.

One option of course, is for your husband to share how he's feeling with the therapist. The therapist probably doesn't know, and if validating isn't enough, it's totally ok to ask for more. Maybe the therapist can provide more but thought the validating was helpful. There's been lots of time where I've had conversations like this with my own therapist, and I'm so glad that I did.

I hope this helps! Best of luck to your husband.

rt

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi david'n'goliath

Thank you for your post, and I'm so glad 🙂 Reading every sentence through lens of the ethics sounds incredibly complex! Have you studied psychology/counselling?

I would love to hear more about what that looks like when you see a therapist, or if even if you are seeing your own, it sounds like you've done some major work.

rt

[Elizabeth CP]

I was feeling a bit frusteated by a new therapist as we seemed to be getting caught up with unrelevent discussions. Rather than giving up I spent time writing down what had happened to me and its impact. Then a list of things I needed addressing. Next session I gave the note to the therapist. Green flag _ He spent the time reading through it thouroughly. Then questionioned me on a few points to ensure he was really clear what i wanted or meant. This let me know he really wanted to work with me on what mattered to me. He asked permission to copy the note into my file so it was recorded properly.... My privacy and wishes were respected. Subsequent sessions showed he kept those things in mind even after other things came up changing the course of sessions. Years ago i saw someone who showed a red flag when he kept comparing my actions to his actions implyi g I was stupid getting into the situation I was in. Needless to say i stopped seeing him

Green flag is when therapist says have you thought about trying..... When their suggestion shows they really understand what is important to you but aren't trying to force you. Another time we decided to have a joint session with hsb. Prior to session the therapist clarified exactly what I was happy for him to share so my privacy was maintained but session could be effective. He then spome privately to my hsb so he could get his perspective. Then we met together to discuss the issues which really impacted me and the therapist helped us find a workable solution. Showing respect and understanding is imperitive

[Guest9337]

Yeh the ethics lens, I like that idea thanks.

It's about knowing the ethics mandated, at least reading them once. Then noticing ones reactions to perceived breaches, considering rationally the noticed reaction, then taking action.

So if professional diminishes something I've said, then I'll note that "denigration" is clearly defined in the psych's ethics as a breach. How I notice is to notice the emotional rush I experienced about their act/speech.

Sometimes the rush is anger, sometimes sadness or frustration, whatever emotion it is, is reason enough to begin a more rational examination of the potential breach. That emotional rush does not permit me/us to conclude such a feeling is sufficient of itself as evidence for the breach, instead the erush is just enough to have a look and think.

So it all starts just by noticing.

[LJpd81]

I haven't even seen my psychologist yet. But so far my red flag is when the psychologist promises to call you to give you an appointment and more than a week later, I have heard nothing. So not wasting my time and my vulnerabilities and emotions on someone who can't be bothered to get back to me.

Green flag. I contacted a new psychologist who deals with my issues and she responds. And was interested in what my issues were. I now have 6 appointments.

I think if someone doesn't respond, I would not use them. Somonone who returns your emails and cares, then definitely.

[Guest9337]

Another way at looking at poor contact from a professional is, if they are so busy they are unable to call, then maybe that's an indication they are really popular and likely to be a quality service.

[LJpd81]

Yes possible I guess. My gut feeling says she is slack and unprofessional though.

[Guest9337]

Seek to more clearly define the possiblities of your guess.

Your gut feeling is one source of information about the situation, what are your other sources?

[LJpd81]

I don't have any. But it's strange I never heard back. No point chasing. I have a new psychologist now.