Trust BROKEN

[TheBigBlue]

I have been seeing my current psychologist for about 2 years now. We had a good relationship. She knows I struggle with opening up to people & this has been a topic of discussion between us for a long time.

Earlier this week, I was really struggling, to the point of ******** ideation, so I sent her text message explaining how I was feeling & that I thought someone should know.

She did not reply, but today she has sent a text to my partner requesting my parents contact details. She has “threatened” to contact my parents previously & I asked her to not go down that path as 1 of my parents is involved in my childhood trauma & I don’t want them involved at all. I also told her that the thought of my parents knowing makes the situation worse as I would do anything to keep my issues private from them.

i feel so upset & riddled with anxiety right now. I’m ok with her reaching out to my boyfriend & understand her reasons why, but using that threat of the parents makes me scared & annoyed. I even took my sister to a session one time. She could ask for my sisters contact details, why my parents???!!?! I’m a middle aged woman, I don’t see how my parents should be involved when I have previously asked them NOT to be.

Anyway, feeling so scared & alone right now, I didn’t know where else to reach out 😥

[Ggrand]

Hello TheBigBlue,

I am sorry that your psychologist done that to you..In my mind I think that is so wrong...

If you have your partner as your emergency contact..that is who she should have contacted...to tell him of your SI....and no one else...She has to contact someone due to you being suicidal and her duty of care...

A couple of months ago..I disclosed to my counsellor my SI...she immediately contacted my Dr...and I ended up in hospital...My 2 sons are my emergency contacts...My Dr asked if I wanted them to know..I said no....so they didn’t....Your psychologist..imo should have contacted your Dr. first....then your partner...but not ask him for your parents number....Maybe she panicked because of the care she has for you..but that still doesn’t make what she done right...

Maybe send her another email..stating that one of your parents are the cause of your trauma and under no circumstances do you want them contacted...Or tell her on your next visit..again....Let her know that you feel she has broken your trust in her....and you’re now to afraid to open up to her because of this....

My kindest thoughts Dear TheNigBlue..

Grandy

[romantic_thi3f]

Hello TheBigBlue,

I'm really glad that you reached out -

I'm honestly confused too about why your therapist asked for your parents contact details. I can't seem to rationalise why that would be a good idea.

Like you, I have childhood trauma as well so I know that if they knew my own struggles it would make things worse and not better. What's important is that you do have a contact person - and you do; so I'm not sure what was going through your therapists mind. I've had this discussion with my own therapist and she's happy for my partner to only be my safety contact.

Have you had another session with her yet? I would really encourage you to share these thoughts with her and ask about why she felt the need to do that. Maybe her reaction will make sense to you - and hopefully she can make things right.

I hope to hear how things go.

rt

[TheBigBlue]

Thanks Ggrand & RT.

My next appointment is in just over a weeks time. I plan to go, but I’m feeling so bewildered. It just seems like a boundary has been crossed.

My boyfriend knows the situation with my childhood trauma & my parents, & I trust him to use his discretion if she asks for their details again.

I had this discussion with the psychologist the first time this happened. I told her it makes me more traumatised to think they would know. I’m going to check with her who my emergency contact is (I’m pretty sure it’s only my partner) & if it is I shall remind her again not to try & reach them specifically.

I really felt comfortable with this woman, but I don’t feel safe anymore, when will she again try to get my parents details? And once she has those details, will she use them?

Is it too rash to consider parting ways with her? I guess I’ll have to ask her all this stuff.

aaargggh, nothing is ever simple! 🤯

[Learn to Fly]

Hi TheBigBlue

I'm sorry to hear about your experience.

Was this the second time she tried to contact your parents, even though you specifically asked her not to?

It's no surprise you feel confused and upset in this situation.

Definitely ask her the next time you see her what were her motives. I understand she might have been concerned about your well being but if you specifically asked her not to contact your parents as this would make things worse for you - that's something I struggle to understand, too.

Take care there.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi TheBigBlue,

Gosh I hear you- whatever her reasons, she has broken your trust and it makes sense you are feeling all the things!

I think the biggest thing next week is to understand why she did this to you. Of course it's important to share how you feel, but I'm not sure how you would rebuild your trust if you don't see her thoughts behind it all.

It's not rash to consider parting ways- you need someone to feel safe with. I imagine I would feel the same with my psychologist if she did this to me, and more importantly didn't try to rebuild the trust that she broke. Honesty and transparency is really key.

rt

[romantic_thi3f]

P.S.

I just thought that I'd add I saw your question on Coach Craig's thread and your psychologist hasn't crossed any legal/ethical boundaries by asking for this information. This is because she's asked them under 'duty of care' which allows her to break confidentiality for your safety.

While you didn't give her permission to contact these people, she's permitted to do so anyway under these guidelines.

rt

[TheBigBlue]

So I emailed the psychologist last week to explain how I was feeling & that I did NOT want my parents contacted etc etc & she replied over the weekend with her explanation.

I accept what she wrote & understand her side. I was meant to have an appointment today with her but thanks to Covid that was changed to a zoom call.

I feel things went badly.
She seemed quite angry that my boyfriend never replied to her message last week. The message asking him for the contact details of parents. She basically told me he was unreliable as my emergency contact because he never responded. I should clarify her message did not explicitly ask him to contact her. I also told her that I may have inadvertently caused that as I had begged him not to give her that information. Today she said he basically chose to let me die rather than take action.

so now I have an ultimatum, Tell (not ask, she specifically pointed out I need tell him) for him to contact her. She has given him until Thurs. She said on Thursday she will contact me & depending on his response she may be asking for my parents number again. She said my choice is to give her the number or cease working with her.

Wow.

I strongly suspect she is going to ask for that information anyway, no matter what is discussed with my boyfriend.

So I’m more confused than ever. There is absolutely no way I have the strength to start over with a new psychologist & go through explaining all the trauma all over again. So if we cease contact, I’m on my own. I can’t see any good outcome coming of that…..

We then discussed how I felt good after helping others yesterday & she was real pushy to get me to volunteer somewhere. I can see how it would help but I told her it was too scarey. I have severe anxiety & not only do I not want to interact with people, the thought of approaching any group or charity is terrifying too.

So I basically feel like the psychologist is done with me. Just like the first psychologist & the Acute care team at the hospital, I’m going to get passed on & somehow magically fend for myself.

Im hurting so much & feel so worthless

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi TheBigBlue,

Thank you for the update. I'm kind of fuming a little bit over here because this is not at all what I wanted to hear, and I can imagine all the feelings that you have after having that Zoom call.

This sounds like a big red flag for me with her discussion about your safety. Why is your boyfriend not sufficient as a safety contact?

Is that something that you asked her specifically?

I do have lots of other thoughts here but I just wanted to wait to see if you asked her that and what her response was or would be. I'm so sorry that you've had this experience.

rt

[TheBigBlue]

The only reason she gave for him not being reliable was because he didn’t reply to the message last week.

I really would love to say goodbye to her & walk out the door, but my rational brain is telling me to take it slow & see what happens in Thurs.

Anyway, place your bets now. I think she will still demand the contact details for my parents & I still don’t want to give it.
I know I could give it & just not ever give her any indication if I am feeling suicidal so she never contacts them. But then that’s not a safe relationship to be in either in case I am in danger 😢