Hi Mike, welcome
We are lived experienced community champions plus members here that try to answer your questions. Your question is one that I've never seen here in my 11 years. However, I have been on the receiving end of my family with their narcissistic ways so I'm hoping with that experience I can help you. The fact that you are asking is a very good sign for you because generally those with narcissistic tendencies never do!
Let's start with the meaning of the word- Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others.
Do you think you fit into that description?
So my mother unfortunately would seek so much attention she resembled a little girl crying all the time and on one occasion when I was about 15yo she stomped her feet as she yelled and cried all because I needed to do my homework and she wanted to talk about the neighbours. She was jealous of us in that the few hours a week we'd see our father she'd pull him away with endless cups of tea and demand we leave them alone while they talked... and talked...and talked.
I've been estranged from her for 14 years now and the situation is complex in that I believe she has BPD (in denial) so it was the only way it would end.
My sister and I split 18 months ago also. She is very much like our mother. When ever she had a conflict with someone she'd rally up all her friends and family and convince them to break contact with me rather than leave it to the two of us. This is emotional triangulation, it is a gamble on her part that if I lose my 2 nieces and her and others that I'll buckle under the pressure and make up with her. She would never make the courageous effort to apologise of organise a meeting as I've done many times in the past. The result? I lost her and my adult nieces in one hit because emotional blackmail (the action of emotional triangulation) is not something I'll ever cave in to. The relationship will never be fixed because that deplorable action is cruel and I couldnt trust her again.
Narcissism in term of wanting to be liked is a situation of insecurity along with what could be seen as arrogance. So is narcissism learned or are you born with it (genetics)?
"If you know someone narcissistic, you may wonder if this is a learned behavior or if genetics plays a role. The answer is that narcissism can be genetic and environmental. Additionally, society may play a significant role."
So you can see the study of narcissism is usually complex and while I've given a few examples of what I've tolerated, you will only get an accurate understanding of it when and if you are diagnosed with it. There is many mental health issues that can overlap each other, bit of this or a bit of that and you might not have narcissism as you main issue at all, this is why psychiatrists do their work and I'd highly recommend you seek a referral from your GP.
I hope I've made sense and helped a bit. Repost anytime.
TonyWK
