Mental health and eating disorder

[Guest_2350]

 Hello,

I have developed a pattern where a mood slump triggers my old eating disorder to resurface. The last slump I had freightened me but it also jerked me out of the feeling, that someone can help me without me being my usual proactive self. I am a fighter and I need a partner in this battle. A coach, a person who can guide me and sometimes catch me, but also someone who can push me. I also now know that I need to address my eating disorder - I cannot afford ED to lash out at me when I am supposed to cope with other mental health issues. It makes me weak and prone to sickness.

All I ever wanted is to make everybody, who is not in this world anymore, proud of the life I live, that I have embraced the chance on this planet and that I am grateful for the time I am allowed to spend here. So many people have not been blessed with suffcient time here, or even the location where I was born, or with my talents, and I would just like to know that I did not waste this life. My eating disorder has always been in stark contrast to my believes and I still do not understand why I cannot control it. I have channelled it into being obsessive about healthy food and looking after my health, but since starting therapy the bad side is coming out again and again and gaining momentum every time.

Are there people here who battle an eating disorder or is this the wrong support network?

[Zeal]

Hi,

I love your display photo, by the way! This forum is a great place for you to come. Eating disorders are discussed regularly here, as are Anxiety Disorders, Depression, Bipolar, Schizophrenia, trauma, abuse, PTSD, and so on.

It's great that you are trying your best to fight your eating disorder. I had an eating disorder several years ago, which was a huge wake-up call, as well as disrupting my life in every way. I've recovered now, thanks to support from family and friends, social workers, and also the refusal I mustered to not give up on myself. I was 19 when I was diagnosed. 

I would recommend seeing a psychologist or counsellor, so that you can work through your issues around eating, and other mental health concerns. If you want to talk to someone immediately as well, feel free to phone Beyond blue's support service on 1300 22 4636.

The great thing about this forum is that you can be yourself. I don't reveal my name or where I live, but I am happy to share details about my past experiences with mental health, my age, interests, what I'm studying, and what I want for the future. There is absolutely no pressure to share more about yourself if you don't want to, but you are welcome to do so 🙂

If you have any questions or have more to say, you can post back here 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

[Guest_2350]

Hi SM,

thanks for your post. I was looking for other posts and could not find anything, so I was wondering if ED is not discussed in beyondblue - I still don't understand differences or connections between mental illnesses. I've only been on this journey a few months.

I have never been diagnosed with bulimia or any other ED, as I have never told anyone until recently. It's been 25 years and I feel like this should be a kids problem, not a grown adults... The first 10 years with bulimia were the worst, gradually building up and then I reasoned myself out of it - most of the time. I lose weight, I gain weight, I get obsessive with healthy eating and exercise and lose weight, it is a viscious cycle, now I am gaining again. People comment on my weight, but they just think it is due to my exercise regime, or my freaky eating - I have IBS as well, so it is easy to hide.

Lately my old friend bulimia has been back more regularly, I have started seeing a psychologist for other issues (depression, PTSD), but it seems I am coping in between sessions by reverting into old habits. Mostly it is not about losing weight when I have a relapse, I am worried about that. Often I feel overwhelmed, as so much has surfaced and there are so many fires to put out, sometimes I wish I never opened that can of worms. I just don't know where to start.

I have a GP that I am fairly happy with, but I am not sure about my psychologist. That worries me too, and I talk to my GP about this. At the moment I am doing my best to stuff all my feelings into the garbage can in my gut and cover it with a lot of old rags - then I will shut the lid tightly and hope it will stay in for a few weeks.

I like the forum here, there are people here who understand and also like the positive topics in "Staying well".