Got a question related to mental health? ASK DR KIM

[Chris_B]

Hi everyone,

This is a thread for asking questions of our resident GP and counsellor, Dr Kim, who pops into the forums regularly.

PLEASE NOTE as per our community rules, Dr Kim won't be able to answer questions about medications, these are best discussed offline directly with your mental health professional.

UPDATE - 01/03/2018
BEFORE YOU ASK DR.KIM PLEASE CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING POINTS:

• Dr Kim's time is limited! We cannot provide an ongoing dialogue with Dr Kim in this thread - one post/question per person please
•  We'd recommend you have a look through the forums before posting here to see if your question has already been answered by Dr Kim, our other members, or if there's information about it already on the beyondblue website. If a question pops up that has already been answered previously, or if alternate resources are available, one of our moderators will reply and direct you to the link.
• When writing your question, imagine you are speaking to someone in person i.e. provide a clear and detailed post with enough information that outlines how Dr.Kim can help you.

Background

After 20 years of experience working as a GP, Dr Kim realised in 2003 the aspect of her work she enjoyed most was talking to people and understanding the way they think and behave – and so she underwent training in counselling and therapy, where she now solely works.

Her experience includes working with a wide range of mental health issues including anxiety, depression and adolescent mental health.

“Given my training I also see couples, siblings, parents with their children and entire family groups,” she says. “In this work I hope to give families the skills to understand one another and have the strategies to communicate and manage relationships that are distressing them. I believe strongly that best therapy is achieved when there is trust in the therapist's ability but also their genuine desire to understand and help.”

[quirkywords]

Nood,

welcome to the forum. This is a friendly,caring and sharing place.

At the top of every post I have seen on the forum it says 0 answered, it does not mean 0 have neen answered as this thread has 410 posts that is 410 answers.

I have answered you and you will notice it will say 0.

Thanks for asking this question.

Quirky.

[Bethie]

😲😲😲so my relies have gone missing 😲😲😲wher is that Bermuda triangle

[Sophie_M]

Hi Nood, the "0 answered" is an unfortunate quirk of our forum software, the number doesn't refer to anything.  The vast majority of new threads on this forum receive answers within 24 hours at the latest, many of them from our community champion volunteers.  If you happen to see any threads on the forum without answers, feel free to jump in and provide support - that's the essence of what our community is about, helping each other out.

If you have any further questions about how the forum works, please browse the pinned threads in the Welcome section - this thread is for questions to Dr Kim.

[Dr_Kim]

Moonstruck said:

Dear Dr Kim

I've just "retired" (don't even like the word) from a long-time part-time job which had for some time been causing great stress. anxiety and giving no pleasure any more at all.

Hi there,

I am absolutely not surprised that you are having emotional turmoil around retirement and probably even mores if you have chosen it as that comes with some element of questioning yourself. Retirement  is known to be one of the super tricky times in a persons life - alongside things like immigration or losing a spouse.

It is often a time where people stop and take stock of things. 

That may mean having to develop  new daily routines which can seem like a relief in the abstract but  in reality can be quite a challenge for many. Just how to fill your days, weeks, weekends in a way that feels balanced and right for you is actually more challenging than it sounds.

It may also mean having to work out what makes one happy or interested. If one has been working for many years ,often our work place has filled in for our interests and for many our social interactions and sense of purpose. So on retirement , there can be lots of rethinking of how to do these same things OUT of a work place.

For some , the thought of retirement even brings up a feeling of being at the “end” of life ..closer to death the birth. Well, I totally understand how there can be some deeper negative existential feelings about this ( and we may have to consider what beliefs we hold about ageing & retirement and what role models we had) , however in this day and age people often do live healthily well into old age and there may be many years of fun and interests to be had in the “third age”!

Firstly, I am not sure how severe your depression is, so the first thing is to go to your GP for a proper assessment . Book a double appointment and tell them what you have told me - the lack of energy , difficulty in getting out etc. The thing is, if you are depressed it going to be super hard to make changes and get your head in the right frame of mind to get on top of the new awesome retirement you! 

Once your depression is better controlled  I would suggest starting with two things 

1. You just try to take on one small change at a time. Dont try to sort it ALL out at once . eg just start with walking a couple times a week , or a new cooking course, or a craft group.  

2. Find your gang ! there is likely to be a number of people out there who are going through the same thing and it will be so much easier to go through it all with company! 

I strongly advise you to see your GP as you may need extra guidance and help with your depression.

Good luck and enjoy this new age … after that trip to your GP !

[ethel1636]

I am 56 female..no fruends no partner. Always been an outcast .help please

[Sophie_M]

Hi ethel, welcome to the forums and sorry to hear you're struggling. This thread is for asking questions of Dr Kim, our resident GP and counsellor.  She really doesn't have enough information to go on from your post, unfortunately.  We would suggest starting a new thread in the Relationships and family issues section, and give our community an idea of how they can help and support you by providing some more information about what you'd like to get out of being on the forums.

[Yokomo]

Hi Dr. Kim,

I will go straight to the point, how do we go about protecting our kids from picking up our anxiety and depression traits? are there any resources you could recommend?

Both my wife and I have depression and anxiety. Mine are milder but I actively treat them with medication and some strategies I picked up from the medical professionals who helped me in the past. I am now totally under control.

My wife's is in a more serious situation as she also has very significant hormonal issues, PCOS, OCD, drinking problems and some left-over issues from a time when she had an eating disorder problem. She also treats these problems actively with her psychiatrist and is quite stable.

We have a 5 years old girl and a 2 years old boy. They both are physically and emotionally perfect. I worry about us passing our mental health issues to them.

Thanks a lot.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Yokomo, 

Just wanted to let you know that your question is with Dr.Kim and she has advised us she will have a response to you by tomorrow! 

 

[Dr_Kim]

Thank you for your question.
You sound like a lovely concerned dad and I think that the fact that you are thinking about this issue and being aware of it probably means that you are giving your kids the best opportunity of coping with it if they do in fact develop mental health issues .

It is true that anxiety and depression can run in families but we can’t pick our genes !

However I also think that given that you and your wife have experienced these things you are in a great position use that experience to guide your children .
You both could help them to identify & understand without judgement any potential feelings of anxiety or low mood and then hopefully guide them into help .

My advice would be to start early by just simply keeping good communication going early - don’t wait until they are 14 or 15 yrs old and then try and connect with them .
Take time to really get to know your children and ensure that they feel that you are genuinely interested in their thoughts and feelings. That you won’t judge and that even if you don’t have the immediate answers you will be alongside them on any journey they need to take to feel better . ( I feel you already may be that sort of dad ! )

Helping to teach them skills to manage negative or anxious thoughts would be such a gift.
If you are ever worried about any thing that they say or any behaviors they display and can’t work out what’s going on , you could ring Parentline https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents/issues/how-parentline-can-help-you
Or go to your GP for advice .

Again , thanks for that great question from a dad that clearly wants the best for his kids

[tdpat]

hi Dr kim. ive been struggling a fair bit lately with stress and anxiety and i would say derpession as well. i have been in my relationship for years, i proposed last spetember. She has 2 sons from 2 marraiges. I love the youngest to bits, hes was 1 when i first meet his mum. the eldest, who is now fourteen, i think i might hate. I have clashed with him and his mum for the last five years. She has always blamed me for the fights till the last six months when i fought back cause i had had enough of being blamed for standing up to a child. I know i dont want a child with her, the youngest has cystic fiborisis and the eldest is like raising 4 kids and she lets the kids sometimes run the house when im not home,the kids said they wanted to, the kids started to cry. I know this has annoyed me to no end. I had a panic attack 2 years ago after i ask the eldest to not wreck his sleeping bag, which turned into a fight, and his mum got mad at me for arguing on boxing day. I ended up in hospital for 12 hours ( i didnt realise it was a panic attack, i thought it was a heart attack). i love most thing about her but everything seems to be getting me down, i have contemplated leaving a few times over the years but i always felt that would be the wrong thing to do. The pros always outweighed the cons. They still do but i feel like shit and nearly every issue is getting me down or causing mini panic attacks. my gp prescribed an anti depressant that i have tried and makes me feel worse (have panic attacks) and im seeing a pychologist. I just dont know what to do anymore, I dont want the shit anymore but i dont want to leave either. Sorry for the long post. Thank you