Got a question related to mental health? ASK DR KIM

[Chris_B]

Hi everyone,

This is a thread for asking questions of our resident GP and counsellor, Dr Kim, who pops into the forums regularly.

PLEASE NOTE as per our community rules, Dr Kim won't be able to answer questions about medications, these are best discussed offline directly with your mental health professional.

UPDATE - 01/03/2018
BEFORE YOU ASK DR.KIM PLEASE CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING POINTS:

• Dr Kim's time is limited! We cannot provide an ongoing dialogue with Dr Kim in this thread - one post/question per person please
•  We'd recommend you have a look through the forums before posting here to see if your question has already been answered by Dr Kim, our other members, or if there's information about it already on the beyondblue website. If a question pops up that has already been answered previously, or if alternate resources are available, one of our moderators will reply and direct you to the link.
• When writing your question, imagine you are speaking to someone in person i.e. provide a clear and detailed post with enough information that outlines how Dr.Kim can help you.

Background

After 20 years of experience working as a GP, Dr Kim realised in 2003 the aspect of her work she enjoyed most was talking to people and understanding the way they think and behave – and so she underwent training in counselling and therapy, where she now solely works.

Her experience includes working with a wide range of mental health issues including anxiety, depression and adolescent mental health.

“Given my training I also see couples, siblings, parents with their children and entire family groups,” she says. “In this work I hope to give families the skills to understand one another and have the strategies to communicate and manage relationships that are distressing them. I believe strongly that best therapy is achieved when there is trust in the therapist's ability but also their genuine desire to understand and help.”

[GillyOm]

When should I seek help beyond a helpline/counsellor/GP? 37yo dealing with depression & anxiety since forever. Lots of stuff on my plate. Childhood abuse & residual emotional trauma from that. 3 kids. Stay at home Mum. Marital problems. Child problems (undiagnosed ADHD & anxiety & god knows what else. Hoped to be referred to CAMHS this week but got the call today saying she didn’t meet their “criteria” & it has broken me). Feel like I just can’t deal with everything anymore. Joked with hubs about checking myself into “nut house” earlier this week so I could have a break but seriously don’t think it’s far from the truth. Feel like my depression is more than just depression & can’t cope.Have arthritis in lower back so daily pain which hard to manage which added to stress levels. Can’t do things with kids because of it. Feel like I’m failing. Alone. Broken. Guilty. Lost. And these feelings are daily. Am wondering just how far I need to sink before some divine intervention will occur because honestly I need it. Feel like I don’t want to burden everyone around me so try to keep it together but am struggling. A lot! Have been through counselling for anxiety/depression & childhood abuse which helped to an extent. Then my counsellor who I had a great report with left & I was alone to deal again by myself.

Worse thing is I now find myself today, drinking scotch at 2pm with 3 kids at home. Balling my eyes out to scotch to calm myself. Have asked my husband to catch train home from work but now have more massive guilt about that. Kids are safe but feel like I’m letting them down and. That I’m putting the burden on them when they see me fall apart like this.

just don’t know what to do and I need help but don’t know how or where to get it right at this crappy moment.

[Keba71]

When I start to feel ok... and recognise I feel ok...
I think back and
remember the stupid perceptions and thoughts of when I was down (remember the anxiety) .... and that remembering triggers another bout of anxiety.
Thats how i create the cycle.
Like im trying to control the depression when Im well. ?
Like remembering the morning struggle when the afternoon seems ok. Then I flare it up.

whats a better way and whats going on there? Why would I do this.

[Sophie_M]

Keba71 said:

When I start to feel ok... and recognise I feel ok...
I think back and
remember the stupid perceptions and thoughts of when I was down (remember the anxiety) .... and that remembering triggers another bout of anxiety.
Thats how i create the cycle.
Like im trying to control the depression when Im well. ?
Like remembering the morning struggle when the afternoon seems ok. Then I flare it up.

whats a better way and whats going on there? Why would I do this.

Hi Keba71, thanks for posting. This thread is for asking specific questions to Dr Kim, our resident GP and counsellor. Unfortunately there's not enough information in your post for Dr Kim to provide an answer. We would suggest you start a new thread in the Anxiety section and provide more information so our community can provide you with some support.

[Dr_Kim]

GillyOm said:

When should I seek help beyond a helpline/counsellor/GP? 37yo dealing with depression & anxiety since forever. Lots of stuff on my plate.

Hi There,

Your post is so full of things to respond to that i almost dont know where to start , and then it struck me that its might be a little how you feel too!

So i’m going to simplify things by sorting them into a couple of baskets :
 
Basket 1 was things that i noticed in your post that i thought were your strengths 
- your ability to be aware and mindful of your situation. You can see yourself as someone who is trying hard but comes from a difficult past and has a lot on her plate, so i like that you can be a little bit kind to yourself there.
- your ability to still joke around with your husband , even when things are really tough ( a sense of humour is always so helpful )
- that you had tried to get your child seen at CAMHS. Even though it wasn’t successful , the fact you tried shows that you are advocating for your child and that means you are trying to be a really good mum. 
- You have been able to settle into a therapy relationship at some point and develop rapport and it did help at the time.
- You recognise that you are struggling and you are not blaming everyone else but looking to find ways to be YOUR best self.
- You are able to ask for help 
- You can identify that your drinking is unhealthy 
- You prioritise your kid’s safety and you don't want to burden or upset them

Basket 2  was things that i noticed in your post that i think you could give some more attention to
- your blaming yourself and labelling yourself as failing when you are clearly doing your best
- your drinking needs some attention and definite boundaries 
- you feel like you are a failure if you are unwell but it is not something to feel ashamed about. ( If this was a physical complaint would you feel the same sense of shame / guilt?) I dont believe you want to be anxious or depressed and need support so maybe you might want to think about the amount of blame you take on for having these conditions.

So what to do from here…

Think back to times that you were better at being stable . What was different then ? 
Was it the regular counselling support ? Was it regular exercise ? Was it better control of your back pain ? Was it more time out from the kids to spend on your own hobbies / friendships? 

I suggest you dont be ashamed to get help, help and more help. You may have been somehow made to believe through your childhood experiences that you are not worthy of it, but you ARE.

Get to your GP and get yourself another helpful supportive counsellor to guide you & hear you on this part of your journey . Ask your GP to help you with your kids too. Maybe if CAMHS isn’t right , is Headspace right ? or another service ? 

Dont be ashamed to take your husband along on your journey to best health if he is willing to come with you. 

It sounds like you have been resourceful in the past and you can be in the future . This is a low point but is likely to pass with SUPPORT. Go find it .. use your GP or try helplines like SANE or Beyond Blue if you are stuck.

[ALICEH111]

Hi um im not too sure why I'm writing this but I'm sad really sad and not sometimes all the time and I don't want to assume anything or seem attention seeking but I don't know what to do about anything, I've been diagnosed with mild chronic fatigue but I'm not even sure if that is the reason I have no motivation to do anything. I'm young I'm 15 and I don't think I should feel this way. I look at my friends who have everything... guys swarming , the most amazing bodys and I'm over here fat and the duff ( designated ugly fat friend) or as someone called me the black sheep... I'm not happy with life and my home situation isn't too great and I'm angry because these girls complain about being ugly or fat and then I think well if they are that then I must be even worse than I thought. and I know where this seems like it may be going, like I want to end my life... and I'm not sure maybe I do maybe I don't but my greatest fear is death so I dont know what to do. I'm not sure what I'm expecting from this maybe some thought or even just a place for me to be able to pour my emotions everywhere because there is no one I can talk to properly. I go to talk to mum but always down play how I feel... sorry for any inconvenience

ALICE

[Croix]

Dear Aliceh111~

I'd like to welcome you here to the bb Forum, which is a good choice, lots of understanding people.

While you are waiting to see if Dr Kim can reply (she is not here every day) would you like to make your own thread? That's normally ta pretty good way to have people talk with you. It's easy to do, just go to a section - perhaps Young People and hit the NEW THREAD button.

There are lots of people here of all ages and I'm sure many will relate to your experiences - it is definitely not good to feel so alone and unhappy. When it reaches the stage you are at now you really should be reaching out to others. Getting advice from those that have been there can be a real help and comfort.

If you do make another thread don't forget to check back to this one from time to time

We'll be looking out for you

Croix

[Dr_Kim]

Hi Alice,

Its really hard to untangle all that we feel and all the thoughts and feelings that we have at any age , but at 15 its even harder. You see , at 15 , we haven’t yet developed a strong sense of self . We struggle to really know whether we are “ok” , so we keep checking with external sources to try and work it out. The problem with this method is that those external sources can sometimes be inaccurate and unreliable.

For example, if you are trying to work out if you are a lovable person and you are not sure … you then check in with those around you. If the friends around think that what makes a person loveable is being really skinny , then maybe you will look down , see you are not skinny and assume you are not loveable.

However , if the friends around you think that what makes a person loveable is their loyalty , their kindness, their generosity , their empathy ,their ability to listen, their humour … then maybe you look at yourself and think , “hey, i have some of those things, maybe I can be lovable”

So, when we rely on the EXTERNAL world, we can be led off on the wrong path at times and at 15 , we sometimes dont have the INTERNAL resources to correct the external messages that might be wrong. We sometimes just need to say to those external messages ” Hey, wait a minute, I hear what you are saying but thats WRONG for ME. I know what I VALUE about MYSELF whether YOU can see it or not”. Now it takes a long time to get to that point and most of us are not there yet at 15 !!!

Dont let your friends or yourself "designate" you anything that makes you feel sad. You can be on a journey to find the things about you that can admire and be proud of . You may need help on this path and if you do , do not hesitate to email or call a Headspace or go to your local GP and explain how you are feeling.

If at anytime the feeling about not wanting to be around get more intense call kidshelpline on 1800 551800
https://kidshelpline.com.au/teens

PS If you feel you can , share this with your mum. You know, they were 15 once too!

[Sophie_M]

Hi Everyone, 

This thread is now open and Dr.Kim is awaiting your questions :). 

 

[Moonstruck]

Dear Dr Kim

I've just "retired" (don't even like the word) from a long-time part-time job which had for some time been causing great stress. anxiety and giving no pleasure any more at all. I do not regret my decision, which I gave a lot of thought over a long time.....but rather than feeling relieved and relaxed at the removal of the stressful situation....just around Christmas.....I have been really low, depressed and floundering in limbo.

Was wondering if for all these years the job was causing more stress and anxiety than I thought...and this sudden removal of a major stressor can actually cause as strong a reaction in a person, as the actual situation itself...which I guess I had "learned to live with".

I now have more time, obviously to devote to leisure pursuits and interests, of which I have a couple I am eager to get involved in....but rather than delighting in this new found freedom of choice.....I find myself with no energy, just wanting to stay at home, avoid people, and doing not much of anything at all!!! I seem quite disorganised whereas I should be the opposite with no demands on my time, shouldn't I?

Will I be OK in time do you think? Is this transition period of difficulty and depression to be expected upon retirement, change of lifestyle etc, even when it's of one's own choice and free will?...thanks for your time...

[Nood]

"409 posts 0 replies" this is at the starting point of this thread. I find this alarming. Why invite folks to use an online forum, ask questions, when the response seems to be a thudding nothing?