Got a question related to mental health? ASK DR KIM

[Chris_B]

Hi everyone,

This is a thread for asking questions of our resident GP and counsellor, Dr Kim, who pops into the forums regularly.

PLEASE NOTE as per our community rules, Dr Kim won't be able to answer questions about medications, these are best discussed offline directly with your mental health professional.

UPDATE - 01/03/2018
BEFORE YOU ASK DR.KIM PLEASE CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING POINTS:

• Dr Kim's time is limited! We cannot provide an ongoing dialogue with Dr Kim in this thread - one post/question per person please
•  We'd recommend you have a look through the forums before posting here to see if your question has already been answered by Dr Kim, our other members, or if there's information about it already on the beyondblue website. If a question pops up that has already been answered previously, or if alternate resources are available, one of our moderators will reply and direct you to the link.
• When writing your question, imagine you are speaking to someone in person i.e. provide a clear and detailed post with enough information that outlines how Dr.Kim can help you.

Background

After 20 years of experience working as a GP, Dr Kim realised in 2003 the aspect of her work she enjoyed most was talking to people and understanding the way they think and behave – and so she underwent training in counselling and therapy, where she now solely works.

Her experience includes working with a wide range of mental health issues including anxiety, depression and adolescent mental health.

“Given my training I also see couples, siblings, parents with their children and entire family groups,” she says. “In this work I hope to give families the skills to understand one another and have the strategies to communicate and manage relationships that are distressing them. I believe strongly that best therapy is achieved when there is trust in the therapist's ability but also their genuine desire to understand and help.”

[swimmer]

Hi Dr Kim

I am 56 , in a long term relationship and have suffered depression and anxiety my whole life. I have seen a psychologist for ever, fortnightly for past 6 years.

How do I respond, when in a 'conversation' with my partner, my depression is thrown back at me in anger?

It totally disarms me, I feel a gripping in my chest, I feel sadness.

I try to breathe through it, but I feel disarmed.

Thanks

[Lizie]

Hello Dr Kim,

I've been feeling very down. I've no good friends whom cares enough to have time for me. People always say, "Let me know if you need me!" But then they go on with their lives and never really remember I exist. Why is it that I'm so unlucky..?! I'm always searching, hoping for that true friend who cares... but sadly there's no one! To top it up, It took me a long time to realise that my brother, sister and cousins have disowned me. All these years I've been away living overseas, I put it down to distance. However, from my end, Although being far, they've always in my thoughts and my love for them has never waned. But for nearly 2 years since coming home to live permanently, I realise my sister and brother never find time for me nor for my children. I feel that unlike me, They don't have any need to have time for my kids to be with their cousins. I wonder, Why do they dislike me so much? I know I've made mistakes, but shouldn't sisterly and brotherly love forgive us for our mistakes and try to find ways to maintain our family bond? Today too, something happened that confirmed that my Uncle, Aunt and cousins want nothing to do with me. All This upsets me so much and constantly feels my mind with sadness. Is this depression? That's why I searched online to see if anyone is experiencing this... However, part of me is in denial and of course we're financially strained, so I can't afford to go see a therapist/Psychologist. I think I need to do something for my own own family sake and for my own mental health. Is there some forum / centre I can seek help without the cost?

[Sophie_M]

Hi Kate, we can't provide a diagnosis here on the forums. We would suggest having a good look through this section of our website, which has some really good general information about anxiety and what it is:

https://www.youthbeyondblue.com/understand-what%27s-going-on/anxiety

 

[Dr_Kim]

DesperateForChange said:

Hi Dr Kim.

I have been previously diagnosed with obsessive compulsive personality disorder (OCPD) and clinical perfectionism.

Hi,
 
I think your statement about struggling with decisions and procrastination is SO common in anxiety and especially when there is either perfectionism or low self esteem. Both of these conditions cause an intolerance for getting things wrong- a lack of self forgiveness or compassion at not getting things done “perfectly" or being judged as not good enough.

The anxiety voices can be so strong in ones head that they literally can cause you to be frozen with indecision - stuck on a starting line and unable to move forward. This is really tough and I guess we need strategies to work out how to recognise this frustrating process and go around it .

This is NOT an impossible ask for a trained therapist .. but it will take a lot of hard therapy work and maybe even medications if the thoughts are really intense and unresponsive.

I suggest you look at a few options and assume you have already asked your GP.  I’m not sure where you are geographically .. but have a look at this site . It allows you to put in your condition and your postcode. I checked the suggestions it gave me around my area and I recognised some of the names which was reassuring!

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/find-a-professional 

Also look at these guys for people in NSW or Vic 

http://www.anxietyaustralia.com.au/find-a-therapist/

If you are under 24 yrs old ,call a local Headspace centre for a recommendation.

You don't have a specific “phobia" I dont think. It seems more like bad anxiety and OCDPD to me as I have heard this story from so many anxiety sufferers as part of their mindset.

[Dr_Kim]

swimmer said:

Hi Dr Kim

I am 56 , in a long term relationship and have suffered depression and anxiety my whole life. I have seen a psychologist for ever, fortnightly for past 6 years.

Hi there,

I feel sad to hear that you feel so hurt by your partners comments about your history of depression. Depression is not something to blame someone for. It is not your fault. It is not a personality flaw. Yes, it is important to take responsibility to control it in the same way that someone with Diabetes needs to take responsibility to control their blood sugar, but I think that's different to blaming someone for having it. It is also sometimes important to acknowledge the struggle the person may have in that battle to keep the illness under control. 
 
There may be a number of reasons that your partner may do this …here are some of many possibilities..
 
They may be insecure themselves and feel that in order to maintain control of the conversation, its easier to put someone down. However, clearly its not a very kind way to make someone feel more in control, get a point across or feel a sense of power. 

Or it may be that your partner doesn’t know how much it hurts you?

Or it may be that the comments may alluding to your depression limiting the things they feel they can or can’t say and that makes them angry? 

Or maybe they are upset and angry at the depression, not at you .. at what it robs you of in your life and what it robs the both of you.. It can certainly affect partners and maybe instead of having an open honest conversation about this .. it is coming out in angry hurtful bursts.
 
I’m not sure , but I guess it would be worth discussing with your therapist and maybe even bringing your partner in to a session if that is appropriate to really look at it together. 
 
I also recommend talking with your therapist about looking at calming, breathing , soothing techniques for the actual episodes , so that when they are occurring , you have a way to not feel so affected , to avoid the “ gripping in your chest”.
 

[Dr_Kim]

Lizie said:

Hello Dr Kim,

I've been feeling very down. I've no good friends whom cares enough to have time for me. People always say, "Let me know if you need me!" But then they go on with their lives and never really remember I exist. 

I can certainly understand why you feel upset at the attitude of your family. We humans inherently prefer to be part of a “pack”. I guess in caveman times it was a survival technique , so its in our DNA somewhere. When the pack ostracises one, it feels very uncomfortable. 

Here are some thoughts :

1.You can’t make people like you or want to be with you, but you can work on being the most likeable version of you so that it makes it more likely that they will !  What I mean is that we don't have control over others , just ourselves… so work on that. Be great ! Be some one that others WANT to have in their lives, whether you are family or not. Hopefully your family will see who you are and trust that you are indeed someone that they want to be with and will start to reinvest time into. 

2. Find things that bring you joy- you are searching for a true friend , but I suggest that maybe you search for friendship via hobbies and interests . Join a mens shed ( if you are a guy!)  or a walking group or a sports team or a church group or a choir or a volunteer organisation or do something with your kids that interests them.  It doesn’t matter what it is , but getting out and finding YOUR thing and feeling happy and focused and interested means that the dependance on others to supply this happiness for you is reduced. 

3. You might like to talk with your GP about seeking therapy support via the ATAPS system . It can provide psychology support to those who need it but are finding it hard to access under the usual ways ( here’s some info on this programme - https://mhsa.aihw.gov.au/support/ataps/  )
 

[MissBethM]

Hi dr Kim,

first of all, thank you! Second of all, I have a long history of depression and anxiety. After hospitalisation several years ago I decided to be proactive and have since regularly been seeing a psychologist. Long story short (kind of) I feel I have out grown the help. We talk through issues, which helps and is great but I need to learn coping mechanisms and how to get through my episodes. My question is should I find another psychologist or would some other kind of medical professional be more suited? Thanks

[Dr_Kim]

MissBethM said:

Hi dr Kim,

first of all, thank you! Second of all, I have a long history of depression and anxiety. After hospitalisation several years ago I decided to be proactive and have since regularly been seeing a psychologist. Long story short (kind of) I feel I have out grown the help. 

Super great question! I wonder if you may have indeed just got what can from this wonderful therapist and may need “fresh eyes” on your situation . You clearly are not the person you were those years ago so maybe your needs now are different.  It may be that the sort of therapist that suits you now may also be quite different from the therapist you needed back then.

I would raise this with your current therapist and say something like you feel your journey with them may be coming to a close and you need a fresh start .. I dont think your therapist should feel threatened by this . I think you should both feel proud of the work you have done to get you to his point.

Part of being a strong person with good self esteem is being able to clearly identify your needs and state them without aggression or anger to another . So in doing this to your therapist you are modelling to them that you have “graduated” as a person in so many ways!

You should be proud of yourself and stand up for what YOU need. This is not about what works for your therapist or their feelings. This is about getting you to a place where you are your best self.
 
You may need someone who for example works in the Positive Psychology model .. who can help you to develop better ways to identify and strengthen positives in your life and cope with difficulties. You may need someone who is very CBT focused at the moment with very concrete ideas of how to manage things , or maybe you need a mindfulness programme , maybe even a group mindfulness programme.. there are many avenues to explore . 

Open yourself to many ideas and explore a few things before you decide what might help you on this next phase. 

You may even ask your current therapist that in the future, if you feel the time is right , would you be able to return? That way you are keeping your options open and it may not be so scary to make a change. 
 
In any event, I think it is great to talk openly with your psychologist about this … they may even have suggestions for the next “ phase “ of your journey! 
 

[Chris_B]

Hi everyone, thanks for all your questions. Dr Kim is going to be away for a couple of weeks, but will return to answer questions in this thread as usual from Monday 3 April. We'll be closing the thread off until then.

[startingnew]

Hi Dr Kim

ive recently been put onto antipsychotic medications- dont think im allowed to name them on here.

but i was wondering is there any long term side effects associated with these?

the plan is to get off them when i can but i dont know when that will be so looking at long term effects