Frustrated at progress

[onthefence]

Hi!

I've been on a medication for anxiety for almost six years. I've tried to get off it before and it did not go well - the anxiety returned almost immediately, so I went back on it. After a long time of feeling good my GP and I agreed I should try coming off the medication again a few months ago, and I've been doing so slowly following the plan.

10 days after my last dose I started getting an upset stomach. I spoke to my GP who said it sounds like my anxiety coming back (stomach problems and nausea is often my first sign). I wasn't sure though as mentally I felt well. We discussed my plans which are to power through and see if I can get over this, or to go back on the medication. We set a date for a catch up so she could check in on my progress, as I felt strong and she could sense my determination. Today, after 4 days of struggling to eat and sleep with the upset stomach I'm feeling it mentally as it takes a lot of strength to power through such physical symptoms especially with so little food. The physical symptoms are getting less which is great but my brain is focusing on them more and my mental strength is suffering.

I guess I'm looking for some encouragement that I can do this - I have managed my anxiety in the past with diet in assistance with a dietitian so I know the safe foods to eat (very very bland things) and to eat little amounts regularly. How else can you build up your strength and brain power if you're struggling to keep food down? Especially if you're at the point where I am now - my stomach is calmer but my brain is thinking I will feel sick if I eat. I am nibbling on a cracker as I write this though as typing is distracting my brain 😉

[Tay100]

Hi onthefence

Welcome to the forum, we appreciate you being here! Thanks for sharing your journey with us. We are a caring community and we love providing encouragement when it's needed! We believe in you and are so proud of your journey so far-we know it can be hard sometimes. It's great to hear that you are engaging in positive health behaviours like reaching out on the forum and distracting yourself with positive things too. Feel free to use this thread to document your journey and find your connections, we'd love to hear more from you.

Sending kindness,

Tay100

[Maccas100]

Hi onthefence, it takes a lot of courage to admit that you are struggling. Well done you! That's a big step. I am new to the forum and hope that by sharing experiences we can all help each other. I am currently dealing with the death of my beautiful husband and I have noticed that sometimes the pain in my heart is so great I realise that I am not breathing - so I concentrate on "just this breath" - and then the next. Often with anxiety we breathe high up in our chest so we don't get enough oxygen and our heart rate goes up - and the anxiety, whatever the cause, feels worse. When your physical pain gets bad, maybe try focussing on "just this breath" - sounds corny but it works for me. My circumstances don't change, but I settle more easily into them.

Good luck with your journey of discovery of yourself.

[CalmCat]

Hi onthefence,

Thank you for such a raw and worthy post.

I can totally connect with your story as I conquered something very similar. All I can advise is that a psychiatrists answered my prayers, have you spoken to one about your troubles?

All I can say is stay strong and keeping powering through the anxiety, I can promise you it will subside!

Regards,

Doz

[onthefence]

Thank you all so much for your responses - Maccas100 that's not corny at all and it does really work! I need to learn to get stronger so that when I'm doing my deep breathing I continue to do it even when a wave of nausea hits - I'm often not very good at that, it throws me when it does.

Today is a very bad day mentally for me - physically I have very minimal symptoms but despite that my brain is in overdrive. This morning I have dealt with the physical symptoms on waking up, got dressed, washed face, brushed teeth, eaten (just a cracker but it's a start), drank water and all in 45 minutes which is something to be proud of but I still feel I can't do this and I'm too weak and I'm beating myself up for not eating more so I'm not stronger to deal with everything.

We don't get to pick when we have anxiety though and while it's here I can and will power through the best I can - staying hydrated and eating crackers and vitamins is the best I can do until I feel well for a more healthy diet my brain needs. It's such slow progress but it's progress and I can do this!

[onthefence]

Thanks Doz! I found the psychiatrist I was assigned to when I was hospitalised a few years ago very dismissive and unhelpful. My GP and my psychologist were more helpful and I am seeing the GP again soon, although I may move the appointment sooner if I continue to struggle mentally, perhaps see if I can talk to a psychologist again. I have also used the resources here to contact an organisation that does wellbeing courses that I think will help and they are calling me tomorrow.

We have so many good resources out there it's just reminding myself to use them, I have a bit of a history of trying to power through until it all gets too much and I need to break that and ask for help sooner, like I am this time.

[Sophie_M]

Hi,
We thank you for contributing to the forums and supporting other users this morning. It sounds like you have been working really hard to cope with a bad mental health day which is amazing. If you feel like you need some more support in getting through today our counsellors are always available for a chat at the Beyond Blue Support Service: 1300 22 466.

Kind Regards,

Modsupport.  

[onthefence]

Thanks Sophie! I haven't needed to call today which is wonderful but it's good knowing the support is there! This is a great avenue on the forum and I'm hoping I can contribute more especially as I feel the anxiety dissipating more. Trying to reframe my thoughts to see what I have achieved each day instead of what I feel like I can't do is helpful!

[Maccas100]

Hi again onthefence. Powering on is highly overrated!! And it also happens to be the way I deal with things. Usually. Even though these dark nights of the soul are very lonely journeys, I find it helpful knowing that I'm not the only one doing it tough. Focussing on what you have achieved instead of what you haven't is a great step forward. A little confession.....when I look at a list of things I haven't done and feel dispirited, I make a list of those things that I've already done - just so I can cross them off! Glad to hear that today is not as big a challenge as yesterday. Every day is different. Go well fellow traveller.

[onthefence]

The list is a great idea, thank you! It's good to see achievements written down. How are you doing today?

Physical symptoms were very manageable for me this morning but still feeling run down and mentally exhausted with it all. I alternate between feeling proud I'm getting on top of it and frustrated there seems to be no end in sight. I know I can get through this, it's just proving a little harder than I'd like. My plans for today to take a walk around my favourite trail in the sunshine with the family have been foiled by the weather so I suspect that's why I'm feeling a little more lost this morning. I enjoyed my walk in the sunshine yesterday by myself, it was good to get out, and even though I didn't go far a good sign I was getting stronger to manage it!

Will probably be able to come up with a plan for what else to do today with the kids once I've had more to eat and the nausea completely leaves, right now I just need to take it as easy as possible and nibble on some crackers.