Coping with coming off strong medication

[Guest_3712]

Hi all,

Its been a long time since I posted here but I've never forgotten the support I received during some very difficult times. Without going into a lot of details I have had major depression and anxiety for a number of years. Several admissions to psych hospitals, countless medication addictions and ongoing therapy and still I'm not "well".

I have tried to live a 'normal' life these last couple of years, as possible as that is while still heavily medicated, I've had a job ( retrenched before Christmas) , seen my daughter marry and the birth of my first grandchild- all good for sure.

But the price for this normality is that to function I have to take a lot of medication. But no more. I decided a week ago I cant live in this twilight world any longer and stopped one of my meds that left me so zoned out I could only take it at night or if I knew I wasn't go anywhere. not to mention the 30 plus kgs I've put on.

I have a supportive psych who I see regularly and while he wasn't happy I stopped without talking to him first he understands my need to try and gain back some control of my life.

Dear Readers I know I'm doing the right thing, but I have been on these meds for so long I'm scared I wont be able to hang in there. Its not my first time coming off strong medication but before I was in hospital and it was still very hard. I can feel some of the old anxieties creeping back and that dark cloak of depression I have managed to kept above my head, is beginning to slip further over my shoulders.

If anyone has gone through similar experience I would appreciate any support or advice.

Stressless

[Guest_3712]

Hi Paul

ok fess up you're really my psych undercover aren't you ? Ha!

seriously though he tells me all the time how strong I am and I never believe him - this disease takes so much from us doesn't it ?

its not that I don't recognise strength as such but I seem to only see it in a physical/ action way eg following a massive panic attack while driving I was unable to drive for 2 years

then one day I looked at my car sitting in the driveway as my community transport pulled up and thought why not ? and made myself drive

this i can relate too - sure some mental strength needed too. Anyway if telling my story and admitting all my weaknesses makes me strong then I must be King Kong !

hope my ramblings help others relate though I would like to think so

thanks again Paul

take care

Stressless

[Neil_1]

Hi there Ess Elle,

I think by you going off this type of medication is a very good move on your part ... but really only you and your gp would know this, but especially yourself. Given your history when on such kinds of meds. I can see that, cause I have my own addictions as well, and the part about getting off them is the mega hard part. So good on you for taking the plunge and going off them.

I hope you're still going 'ok' at the moment.

With regard to your fam though, that's the other point to all this. You say you put them through so much drama and the like in the past with the detox and those affects. Do these symptoms continue on for a while for you?

Does your husband understand and is he supportive?? I know from my own side of things, that it gets to a point where it can get too much for them ... which then is bad for the person who is suffering. Sorry possibly waffling here, so I'll sign off for now.

Neil

[blondguy]

Hey Stressless (King Kong) 🙂

Ok...Ill fess up....its me lol

You are spot on about the forums being a great place to vent. My self esteem/confidence has increased heaps since I joined in Jan last year. My self worth is still a bit 'left of center' but I'll get there.

You never ramble on here...You are a bonus to the forums.

Hows the driving going now anyway? (I still have an issue with a severely blocked freeway but much better now)

I hope you have a good weekend 🙂

Paul

[Guest_3712]

hey Paul,

It took me a very long time to gain the confidence to drive again . When I had that massive panic attack I actually had to get out of the car , in traffic, because I was hyperventilating so much. I had previously had panic attacks during MRI's, and a couple of small ones because of pain but this was epic.

Anyway after that initial OMG why am I letting this cripple me, ( after 2 years) I developed some techniques to cope. I would have a family member drive behind me, I would sing at the top of my voice just to divert my thinking, lots of breathing especially in traffic or when I stopped at lights. Just little trips at first and it probably took me 12 months before I felt confident enough to say Ok I can do this- now I love driving long trips on my own with George Michael or Phil Collins for company.

I guess when I think back on these last ten years this would be my greatest achievement- here's hoping my new challenge of successfully stopping these meds, as in able to function effectively without being doped out of my mind, is my next great achievement

Happy Weekend to you to Paul

Take care

Stressless

[Guest_3712]

Hi Neil,

Hope you are doing ok at the moment, I appreciate you getting back to me. I do remember back when, you talked about your addiction issues too. I t is so hard to know if you do need these drugs or if it is just the addition after a while. I mean they certainly have their place and goodness knows I really needed something for my out of control anxieties, but I think as Ive said before I think it is something I need to try and tackle on my own .

After all my hospital admissions I should be able to apply some of the techniques they showed us right ? OMG who am I trying to convince? there have certainly been times over the last few weeks where I have been so tempted to fill that script - heart starts to race , sweaty palms the whole bit. So far I have been able to resist- largely in part to all the positive feedback from you and other posters.

As to telling the family, I think I'm going to wait on making a decision until I feel a bit stronger- I don't want to risk falling off the wagon when I'm not even sure if its the right thing to do yet.

Have a great weekend

Take Care

Stressless

[blondguy]

Hey SL

George Michael & Phil Collins for company 🙂 Now your're talking!

I envy your recovery with the mega anxiety in traffic. Thats a huge accomplishment which you should be proud of

I remember trying to explain it my friends/family and they all looked at me like I was from another planet.

The anxiety was crippling. I remember sitting there at a red light at it bad stuff. I checked my right then left then right again and drove through the red light (1983) ]

Back then it was so sad that no one knew what I was talking about.

I was on meds within 4 weeks (which I didnt want) to help me with the driving anxiety as I needed by job. There was no addiction as I needed them. I just stopped them 2 years later after having super regular therapy with no withdrawals 🙂

I love your attitude SL. No matter what direction you take with the meds you will come out on top

Great to have a chat with a person that has felt 'real pain' in traffic too!

Happy Weekend to you too 🙂

Paulx

[Guest_3712]

Hi Paul,

I am constantly amazed at how delusional I can be about my condition. I mean seriously I should know by now it is always going to be one step forward and at least ten backwards. Ok by now you're going "what the hell?" Well today I had a very important job interview- important because we are in grave financial stress- I was re-trenched back in November and since then I have had minimal casual work- not enough to keep us going.

Back to today- it was an info session and testing on computer skills and I totally stuffed it up. I was a mess. basic stuff that I know and should have aced left me confused and shaken. What a total screw up. A friend recommended me for job and now Ive let her down too. Guess what I did when I came home? Manic search for some of my anti anxiety meds which as you would remember I so smugly declared I didn't need any more. Couldn't find any so having the next best thing - Dutch courage or more accurately scotch courage.

I have probably applied for 30 plus jobs since November and this was the first call back and I totally screw up. I am really beside myself with so many negative thoughts. I have tried so hard to make positive changes in my life - for what? To not only lose a great opportunity but to also give in to my addiction, because believe me if I had those damn tablets I would have taken some.

I can only be strong for so long- I keep getting knocked down and I'm not sure how long I can keep getting up. King Kong was eventually defeated you know, all those planes coming at him, he swatted them away as long as he could.

I was going to ring my psych, but as good as he is I'm not sure he gets it sometimes- He once said to me that he can understand my problems but he can't feel them. Where as the folks here can feel as they have been there. I don't want to slide back but it really feels like there is too much crap piling up again

Sorry to unload

Take care

Stressless

[Guest_3712]

Neil1 said:

Hi there Ess Elle,

I think by you going off this type of medication is a very good move on your part ... but really only you and your gp would know this, but especially yourself. Given your history when on such kinds of meds. I can see that, cause I have my own addictions as well, and the part about getting off them is the mega hard part. So good on you for taking the plunge and going off them.

I hope you're still going 'ok' at the moment.

With regard to your fam though, that's the other point to all this. You say you put them through so much drama and the like in the past with the detox and those affects. Do these symptoms continue on for a while for you?

Does your husband understand and is he supportive?? I know from my own side of things, that it gets to a point where it can get too much for them ... which then is bad for the person who is suffering. Sorry possibly waffling here, so I'll sign off for now.

Neil

[Guest_3712]

Hey Neil,

So guess what? I am a total screw up yet again my friend. Great chance to really make progress with my life choices with a great job opportunity and I just completely stuff up. Couldn't do the most basic of computer skills test which of course I can do and therefore didn't complete assessment. Great work! - not.

As the job deals with handling pressure and problem solving, I'm pretty sure I have been eliminated from next round. Why does this happen? I really wanted to just up and leave there and then, and if it wasn't a locked door I probably would have.

The worse part is as I said to Blondeguy , if I had those meds handy that I just so smugly gave up then I would have been back to square one. probably knowing that I made sure a month ago not to have any just in case. No cause for celebrating my foresight or willpower because I didn't get rid of the other temptations- alcohol.

I know I have to keep challenging these negative thoughts and actions but it is SO HARD! I am tired of the constant backtracking and the do - overs this illness requires of us. My commitment is wearing thin and it is getting really hard- this probably sounds like all of a sudden, but believe me that wonderful mask we all wear at some stage that tells the world "we're ok" is starting to slip.

I need this job so much. We are in a financial mess , and my self esteem took a big hit after I was made redundant in November. What else do I need to do ? I was so sure I could do this. Maybe I shouldn't have stopped meds after all, But I felt good until I didn't . So defeated right now.

Take care

Stressless

[Guest_3712]

Hey Blondguy

just thought I would touch base in case u had seen some of my other post as we had a common thread ie anxiety panic attacks while driving

Despite all my current issues I have managed to not give into my desire for the meds I stopped

yay for me ! However I almost succumbed to a panic attack recently again in traffic, the whole hyperventilating, shakes, sweats and then I remembered your words about me having guts among other things and damn if I didn't talk myself out if it

pity I can't apply this technique to other areas of my life

hope u are doing ok

Take care

Stressless