Coping with coming off strong medication

[Guest_3712]

Hi all,

Its been a long time since I posted here but I've never forgotten the support I received during some very difficult times. Without going into a lot of details I have had major depression and anxiety for a number of years. Several admissions to psych hospitals, countless medication addictions and ongoing therapy and still I'm not "well".

I have tried to live a 'normal' life these last couple of years, as possible as that is while still heavily medicated, I've had a job ( retrenched before Christmas) , seen my daughter marry and the birth of my first grandchild- all good for sure.

But the price for this normality is that to function I have to take a lot of medication. But no more. I decided a week ago I cant live in this twilight world any longer and stopped one of my meds that left me so zoned out I could only take it at night or if I knew I wasn't go anywhere. not to mention the 30 plus kgs I've put on.

I have a supportive psych who I see regularly and while he wasn't happy I stopped without talking to him first he understands my need to try and gain back some control of my life.

Dear Readers I know I'm doing the right thing, but I have been on these meds for so long I'm scared I wont be able to hang in there. Its not my first time coming off strong medication but before I was in hospital and it was still very hard. I can feel some of the old anxieties creeping back and that dark cloak of depression I have managed to kept above my head, is beginning to slip further over my shoulders.

If anyone has gone through similar experience I would appreciate any support or advice.

Stressless

[startingnew]

hi stressless

i dont have experince with medication addiction or withdrawals but i do have the smae feelings as you with the struggling to live a normal life with depression.

its good you have a supportive psychologist or psychiatrist .. or both..?

if you gut says thats the rigth thing to do then i think you should continue with what your doing.

i too joined BB as i have no suppirt from friends or family esp since i disclosed early last year (was 19 now 20) and im finding them to be very helpful

hopefully someone can help you more than i can but i thought id repy to let you know im for you too

[Ken1]

Hi Stressless!

I completely understand the place you are coming from. I was on meds for depression and anxiety last year (which I never really wanted in the first place) and HATED it. I decided to go off them October last year without consulting anyone because I was 100% determined that mental illness did not have control over my life. I wanted to be myself again. I admit that it probably would've been easier to go off them gradually instead of cold turkey, and while I suffered major withdrawal symptoms for 2 months I am now fully recovered.

So often have I battled with seeing the anxiety and depression coming right for me and not knowing how to jump out of the way. The way I learned how to do that was to totally take control of my head and say out loud, "My head is not a home for mental illness! I will not let it harbour mental illness." And tell it 'No,' over and over.

I also made sure I had an incentive to work towards - something to give everything I was doing meaning because the fight so often felt meaningless to me.

I also spent time in a Psych ward and after seeing and getting to know other people experiencing mental illness and seeing how broken they were and being able to help them through my understanding conversations with them, I realised that I HAD to get to the other side so that I could help people escape their brokenness. That's my incentive. Perhaps yours is your children/grandchildren now! Would love to know what it is for you.

I believe the difference between you coming off your meds successfully and staying off them is whether you tell yourself you can or you can't. If that means you have to regularly post on here to receive support throughout the process, DO IT! If it means taking time off, DO IT!

If you can fill up your seratonin levels again (which your meds have probably successfully been doing for a while) then YOU will be your own antidepressant or whatever you were taking!

Mental illness is a rotten, rotten thing and I admire your strength and resilience to come this far, let alone making the plunge to come off your meds, because you're right, it's scary but you won't be you until you do it.

Remember, YOU CAN and YOU WILL! Not 'might', 'try' or 'maybe'.

Keep us in the loop! We are rooting for your recovery.

Bonnie

[Dr_Kim]

Hi Stressless,

I hope its ok if I add something to this thread. I am a little concerned about your decision to cease medications without checking with your health professionals. Why? Not because you don't have the right to question your medication regime, but because it is clear from your long history and multiple hospital admissions that you have a pretty serious case of depression/anxiety and I believe it should not be taken lightly.

Depression can be a serious, even life threatening illness and the treatment of it is taken very seriously by professionals in the area. We know that the medications are far from perfect but you yourself said "But the price for .. normality is that to function I have to take a lot of medication”. I took that to mean that the medications have allowed you some respite from the symptoms of depression , enough to at least have some chance at “normality”.

We know that for many people, including it seems you, they come with the downside of side effects. That can vary from fatigue to a hazy feeling, to feeling “dulled” or “zoned out”. You mention weight gain, and for most people luckily with new SSRIs that is not the case. With old fashioned antidepressants and with some mood stabilisers , yes that is certainly an issue.

I guess you are in a tough situation - you need to sit with the question of the list of things the depression makes you feel VS the list of things the medications make you feel. Which is worse? Which can allow you to live a somewhat normal existence with your children and grandchildren ? I am concerned that unmedicated severe anxiety/depression is maybe too great a burden for you to ask of yourself and even you say at the end of the post

"I can feel some of the old anxieties creeping back and that dark cloak of depression I have managed to kept above my head, is beginning to slip further over my shoulders”

Stressless, I would really encourage you to take a list of the symptoms that you find intolerable to your health professional ( GP or Psychiatrist ) and see if you can work with them to either reduce dosage or change medications to relieve your side effects without the dramatic step of ceasing medications.

It may be that you do end up going off all medication at some point , but I would have as a goal “feeling my best” not “ getting off medication”. Granted your best may never be totally depression or anxiety free.. but in working with your health team to maximise your lifestyle factors , cognitive interventions AND your medications - you have the best chance of being your BEST self. Good luck !!

[Guest_3712]

Hi there,

thanks so much for your reply. It means a lot to talk to someone who has been through the same experiences and come out the other side.

My incentive is definitely my family and trying to make up for all the grief I've caused them over the years. My shame is tangible when I remember the things I've done to my loved ones. My psych says I'm too hard on myself but its hard to erase those memories with words alone which is why I must succeed in this.

Thanks again for your support and I would love to keep in touch

Take Care

Stressless

[MsPurple]

Hi Stressless. I think what Dr Kim said is very valuable advice, especially coming from a professional point of view.

I thought I would add in you are definitely not alone in the medication struggles. I too have struggled. I was on a normal first prescribed SSRI as teenager/young adult. They upped the dose after a while as they felt baseline wasn't enough. When I first started uni I stopped taking it and I ended up going down a dark spiral of depression and anxiety. It came and went for 3 years. I initially stopped taking them as I had moved towns and I didn't have my dr to give me the prescription and since I didn't have a diagnosis at the time and I didn't want to get one either (I was young and uneducated and thought a diagnosis would discriminate me to some dr) I decided to stop taking it. That wasn't a smart idea for me. Skip ahead 3 years and I was at my worst. I went to headspace and was put on the same meds at the same dose. Still not enough to stop the anxiety, put on another different med. Then one for my sleep. They didn't want to change my SSRI as I was still at uni and they were concerned it would affect my studies, plus I had placements and wasn't always able to come in often enough for checkups required for a med change. Once I finished uni I moved cities, got a new psych who changed me again this time to an SNRI (she had her reasons but she did this because of my situation, not all need to change classes of meds but for me she believed it was necessary). Finally after a few dose adjustments I feel ok and functional. Probably better then I have been ever. However, I am unhappy with some weight gain but at the moment it is worth it. I am keeping my weight under check with my GP and am going to the gym to help with my personal fitness and body image and satisfaction.

Point is that I was more successful changing meds with the help of my team then alone. It can be frustrating going on and off stuff, and sometimes the side effects outweigh the benefits and if this is the case as Dr Kim said, you need to have open communication with your physician to work together and find something that will work for you.

If ever you are struggling please come back to the forums for support. Many of us are in (or have previously been) the same boat. We are a great community. Hope your journey goes well and you can feel more in the moment

[Guest_3712]

Hi Dr Kim,

Part 1

I really appreciate your comments and concern, much like what my own psych expressed. My story is a very long one but basically I have a very bad relationship with medication. I have suffered chronic pain for over 10 years following a work accident. Following multiple surgeries and loss of career, I was put on all manners of addictive pain medications followed by anti depressants, mood stabilizers etc.

I have now been on a cocktail of medications for over 10 years. Unfortunately during those first few years I abused the meds , resulting in my many admissions to hospital for detox and depression. After detoxing off one i would somehow find myself addicted to its replacement. This cycle continued for 5 years.

In desperation I underwent ECT - 3 separate times over 2 years . Successful to a point but this treatment also came with its own set of problems .Just talking about these times cause me enormous anxiety , but also some pride that I have come such a long way- something my psych constantly tells me. I understand the enormity of what I've done , but what i have been doing is worse.

Regards

Stressless

[Guest_3712]

Hi Ms Purple

Thanks for your reply and support. As I said to Ken1 it means a lot to talk to some one who has been through the same thing.

I totally respect Dr Kim's advice and replied to her in an effort to try and explain/ justify my reasons.

I welcome any and all advice and support so please keep in touch.

Take Care

Stressless

[Guest_3712]

Hi Starting New,

How kind of you to offer your support. I am sorry you too have been dealing with depression and hope you also find the hep you need.

Thanks for taking the time to reply

Take Care

Stressless

[startingnew]

Thats ok stressless we are all in this together.

I hope you also get the help you need.

Hugs xx