Confused as to whether I should persist with current therapist

[Janie223]

Hi All,

thanks for taking the time to read this. 

over the last ten years I have had three different therapists and very different experiences with each of them. The first was a short term therapist and I saw her for ten weeks.

The second I did not gel with at all and it was very clear after three appointments that it wasn’t going to work out. 

My current psychologist I have been seeing for two years and I really like her and we have developed a really nice relationship. She suggested I have social anxiety and depression as a result of the anxiety - I think she is spot on. 

im just unsure as to whether to continue seeing her because we just do a lot of talking without much of anything else. She always has insightful things to say but I wonder whether there should be more to therapy than just talking? 

and I know I have improved in the time I’ve been seeing her but I am just waiting to feel better and hoping it will happen soon. 

I have had anxiety since early childhood and now at 35 I worry this is something I will always have to deal with so therapy might just be something I have to do forever. 

or are there therapists who are more structured in their approach and I could get a quicker outcome with another therapist?

I’m very much at a crossroad as to whether to keep with it and see the little improvements as a win and think of this as a long term relationship or do I need to find someone who can help me make more changes more quickly? If there is such a thing??

I wish there was a quick fix!

and also, I know how hard it is to find someone to work with and have them understand, so I am reluctant to have to start the process of building rapport with someone else. 

[indigo22]

Hi Janie223,

Thank you for giving us some background, it always make it easier to reply.

You are right, it can be difficult finding a therapist you feel comfortable with so my suggestion would be not to discontinue, but to express the feelings you have written about to your therapist. Perhaps you can ask your therapist if there are any other methods she can try with you in addition to the talk therapy or if there are other suggestions she can offer you. It is important that you feel you are achieving or gaining something from the therapy, so if you don't feel you are getting enough from your sessions at the moment, don't be afraid to speak up about it.

I think we would all love it if there was a quick fix, but to my knowledge, one does not exist at present. You can however, read books about your mental health to gain additional knowledge and understanding along with being able to discuss what you are reading with your therapist.

I hope this is some help to you. Please feel free to continue this conversation if you wish.

Take care,

indigo

[mmMekitty]

Hello Janie223

Over many years I've seen a few different psychiatrists & met several more in my search for the psychiatrist I now have.

Indigo's response to your post is a very good one. I would like to underline the suggestion to talk more with your psychologist about your concerns.

You say you think "there should be more to therapy than just talking"? That's a very good question to ask your psychologist.

Maybe you are wanting some 'homework' to do between sessions, or to learn ways to manage your symptoms for yourself? You could ask about if she could show you some practical things to do 'when (this  sympton) happens'.

It can feel frustrating when feeling your mental health is not improving, & it's been weeks, or years. I've found, though, when I look back to how I was thinking & feeling 10. 5 & even 1 year ago, I can see that my mental health has improved. I've gained a lot over the years, learned so much, often so subtly I didn't think I was progressing & sometimes I've felt my mental health has declined, or something else is happening which I now need to address... a mental health journey is not a simple road, with an evenly graded road uphill to the top. Twists & turns, sometimes feeling lost as I've ever felt, sometimes able to see, no I"m not. I have learned so much I didn't know before.

Practically speaking, it's not very easy to find new therapists these days. Should ou decide to find another therapist, I would suggest staying with your psychologist while you are looking for someone else.

If you raise this option with your psychologist, she might even be able to help you find someone you might be able to work with more like you want.

I hope this has been helpful.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Janie223,

I think given you have good rapport with this therapist and you really like her, I agree with what indigo and mmMeKitty have said, that the best starting point would be to ask her about some more practical, goal-oriented approaches. Talking can certainly be therapeutic, just having someone hear you in itself can be very helpful. However, if you are not moving past a certain point with where you want to be with anxiety, it may be that there are some other approaches your therapist can employ to begin to move through things (e.g. anxiety states) as well as talk about them. I think most therapists do various forms of professional development, so she may have some additional skills and knowledge she could bring to sessions.

I see a psychologist and there is often a practical component to the session. Even though it is via Telehealth/Facetime this still works. A lot of my issues have been trauma-related and we have used an approach called Somatic Experiencing which is processing things through the body in real time with her. In only my second session with her we did a practical somatic exercise that cleared a trauma trapped in my body. Attempts to clear that with other people in the preceding year and a half had been unable to do that. She is specifically trained in this method and that is why I sought her out as I didn't want to just talk about things but actually shift and transform things in my body. I had done therapy involving more just talking before but could feel my body desperately wanting to go beyond that and experience change at that felt, physiological level. So it has worked well for me and it is definitely practical. I'm also able to translate and employ the skills beyond the therapy session itself. Having said that, some sessions are just talking like the last one where I was debriefing about things I'm currently experiencing.

One thing you could do is research practical therapy approaches to anxiety states and see if there is something that resonates. If your therapist doesn't have the skills to deliver a certain approach you'd like to try, you could temporarily give someone else a go who does that approach. However, this can be trial and error and you might not get the right person for you straight away, even if the approach is one you want to do. The quality of the therapeutic alliance is probably the most important thing of all as that trust and rapport is essential for any good therapy work to be done.

So maybe see if your therapist has something more they can bring to progress further with working with anxiety. At the same time you could be researching approaches yourself. I often listen to podcasts from practitioners, psychologists etc, read books, watch online conferences that are freely available relevant to mental health and basically access whatever I can to learn and progress myself forward. I find that also works in a complementary way with the work I do with my therapist.

Best of luck and I hope you find some helpful ways forward soon,

Eagle Ray

[P12]

Hi Janie223,

I think you can be proud of whatever you decide. It is your choice, where no-one can tell you what to do as effectively as you can, and that is quite empowering when I think about it.

One strategy you might like to try is to visit a different practitioner (or more) without immediately leaving your current one. It could allow you to evaluate your experience and decide whether to continue. You could learn how they compare to others. I have used this strategy and I think it is part of my values.

I have visited approximately twelve practitioners in my life (since 2016). However, only three of them have been Clinical Psychologists and listed on a Mental Health Care Plan, for whom I have needed to decide whether to continue or not. The other practitioners have been through short term programmes where I was limited to a maximum of six sessions, and some I visited only once or twice. Although MHCPs are written for only one practitioner, with persistence I have devised ways to receive free or low cost support. 

I met my first Clinical Psychologist after participating in three short term programmes. He was clear that I was free to visit him openly regardless of my commitments to others. Additionally I desired support between our meetings. After approx eight meetings in two years, I tried a second one but it was clear after one session they weren't for me. After a further three meetings and three and a half years total with my Clinical Psychologist I decided to try a different one. I have meet her six times in one year. I figure that I will return to my first Clinical Psychologist if/when I feel I have learnt everything from my current one.

I think your mind is quite strong because I think being able to question whether you are missing out on something is a more powerful skill than needing immediate basic support.

I believe there is rightly no easy solution to mental illness. I think eliminating it requires a fundamental change in one's subconscious. If this were different it would remove some of the positive qualities of human life. 

I think we have some similarities. If you like feel free to ask me any question and I will share my experience.

[Janie223]

Thank you so much to you all for your replies. I really, really appreciate the advice and gain so much insight from reading the replies. It’s really helpful. 

I think you’ve all said a similar thing, in that I could raise these concerns with my therapist. I just have to find the courage to bring it up! I’m sure she will be fine hearing it but I struggle with awkward conversations. But taking more ownership of my experience is important and probably a skill I need to work on. 

I like the idea to test out other practitioners while still seeing my current therapist. It’s so hard to connect with new people and if I’m honest, given how long it took to find who I’m currently working with, I am not really looking forward to it. I will google Somatic therapy - that sounds really interesting. 

thanks again. 

[Kelpies23]

All the responses you received are terrific and I am glad that you found them helpful.  I am experiencing a not dissimilar situation myself.  It is driving me crazy trying to resolve it. I have discussed it back and forth with her and am not reaching a satisfactory conclusion.  I so often leave Sessions so frustrated and angry with her.  So hard to have the confidence to trust my gut that perhaps it is time to move on.  It is hard though, when you have developed a relationship over years, revealed and opened up, but you just don't feel the better for it. I do sometimes and she has helped so much but ..... Is it me, her or combination!!!! Thank you for  your post as it is very validating to read others have been through such dilemmas.  Having some experiences with another Therapist as a transition is a great idea. Thanks