New to the forum, not overall new to the forums per-se and it's
environment - greetings. Before I would bring up my questions, I would
like to post my background and the usual web of thoughts an ideas that I
try to sort out on a daily basis. July 201...
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New to the forum, not overall new to the forums per-se and it's
environment - greetings. Before I would bring up my questions, I would
like to post my background and the usual web of thoughts an ideas that I
try to sort out on a daily basis. July 2018 - one fine day I was at the
park, and I experienced something I never have - a feeling of crushing
sadness that nothing could alleviate. After consultation with a friend,
he recommended I see a GP because it sounded like depression. Initial
results pointed at a mild stage of it, so without further ado I went on
the SSRI's. By then it was October 2018, when I noticed the
anti-depressant stopped working and was making me have suicidal
thoughts. So I went cold-turkey off it. Was fine for the next few
months, and I thought the depression has passed. Cue the relapse 3
months later, this time more severe then the previous one. Got
prescribed an NDRI, and to this day I maintain it had a partial effect.
Then it started giving me panic attacks and increased suicidal thoughts,
so without further ado, I went off that. So here is my web of thoughts -
the pattern above is me being really unlucky or is this pointing at the
fact that my body is resisting it? Seeing how I have tried an NDRI and
an SSRI, which neurotransmitter is responsible for my depression? Do I
want to go on a placebo pill where I get nothing but side-effects with a
possible repeat of me developing what appears to be a resistance? My
psychologist doesn't really help, as I feel I constantly preempt what he
is going to say, and the only thing that genuinely works is 5-htp. But
then I wonder whether the 5-htp is making the anxiety worse, while
making the depression better. I am an astrophysics student on his last
straw with university, which honestly this semester is looking to be,
I'm set to fail. My parents don't acknowledge the diseases existence,
let alone myself, and aside from a overly sympathetic landlord and a
family friend I got no-one to talk to. I'm frankly terrified nothing
will work, and I don't want to go on MAOI's, TCA's, ECT therapy or
whatever the other treatments are, as they are too dangerous. I've spent
weeks if not months researching every form of answer I could find, be it
in neuroscience, genetics, drug interactions, psychology, supplements,
lifestyle changes. It feels I am running out of options and time with my
depression/anxiety getting worse. I don't know what to do, and so here I
am.
Wanting to see a GP rather than a Psychiatrist due to cost
