Opioid withdrawal/ PAWS

[HeartSparks]

Hi there, I have chronic pain due to multiple skeletal issues and fibromyalgia and have been on DSP for 5 years.
I have just made it to 3 weeks clean of opioid pain medication - from high dose 'worst of the worst' which I detoxed from 18 months ago  which were replaced by a well known synthetic opioid that I was assured was non addictive. ( Not true. ) I got to where I am now by reducing, then stopped completely, last dose on 30 June. I didn't have cravings to take the drug - just so over it - so just had to ride out the withdrawal.
So here I am at 3 weeks and the physical withdrawal symptoms have passed but I'm experiencing the full gamut of psychological symptoms - depression, anxiety, insomnia, irritation, frustration, confusion, mood swings. And 'brain fog' - which is really scary. Plus my pain levels are sky high - I'm only using paracetamol for pain relief. I have diazepam as part of my normal medication which was prescribed to help wth muscle cramps through my spine, but have been using it cautiously to help with sleep and anxiety issues.
I have been really alarmed by the psychological issues that have arisen. Dr Google (!) assures me that what I am going through is known as Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome and may last from months to years. Yikes.
As I want to get my brain chemistry normalised and fully functional again I'm reluctant to use any anti-depressants.
Just wanted to reach out here and see if anyone else has been through this and can share their experience. I have had moments of not wanting to wake up tomorrow, feelings of complete isolation ( I am a bit of a recluse - people find chronic pain so difficult to deal with I have found) and confusion that makes me wonder if my brain will ever get back to healthy functioning.
As I have recently moved house to a rural area where I don't know anyone ( cant afford to live in the city any longer - savings have run out) I have an appointment this afternoon with a new Dr. So we will see how that goes. I ended up phoning a crisis hotline yesterday as I felt like I had hit rock bottom. Todays not so bad, but its an emotional roller coaster.
Thanks for this space to express myself.

[Guest_3712]

Hi HeartSparks

I believe I was in a very similar position to you. After sustaining a work injury and then subsequent surgeries I became addicted to many opiates.

First off I believe all meds are addictive- maybe not the way doctors class addiction, but if you find you can't cope without it then you're addicted.

I have chronic pain too and have been free of prescription pain meds now for 3 years.

Unlike you I was already on anti depressants . My last detox was in hospital with an infusion of another drug .

I also recently gave up my anti anxiety meds- this was very hard but I felt necessary to my overall well being.

I believe my AD 's have kept me fairly stable and I know I will probably be on them long term .

Maybe it's too soon to stop your AD's .I find when I'm depressed and anxious my pain is worse- and then when my pain is sky high like yours I get depressed - a vicious circle.

Maybe you should see your psych to get assessed - maybe a lower dose of your AD'S will help in the interim

I know you want to get your brain chemistry right but this too takes time and it's not worth making your pain worse-!you don't want to be back wanting the opiates again after all your hard work.

Just my thoughts

Be kind to your self

Stressless

[HeartSparks]

Thanks for your reply, I really appreciate you taking the time to respond. It sounds like you've had a really bad time of it too. It helps to know that there are people out there who understand.
I'm not on any AD's at all and don't want to go there. I absolutely won't be going back on the opioids. I don't want to interfere with my brains bio chemistry any longer. I went though a period of depression 20 years ago and went though hell to get off the AD's back then. That was when SRI's first came on the scene and they had me on one of the notoriously addictive ones.
The new doctor who I saw today has agreed to work with me through this and has given me a stronger non opioid pain killer for the short term which has given some relief. He seems to think that it will take a couple of months to get back to normal brain function - I hope he's right and theres no permanent damage. He's also referred me to a psychologist, although I don't know if that will be useful - we're dealing with PAWS here and not old trauma or anything like that. But hey, I've got an open mind and willing to look at anything that might help me get through this. Sometimes I wake up having a full blown panic attack like I have PTSD. It feels like madness. Maybe someone who's paid to listen will be of benefit!
Its important to me to get a support network happening - and being here is part of that. Somewhere where I can talk about whats happening to me - it helps.
Did you feel like your brain function was impaired apart from the neurotransmitter disruption ? Sometimes I think that this is what early dementia must feel like - confused panicky thoughts that aren't normal for me and forgetting everyday things that I know. What might I have completely forgotten?
Sudden anxiety. Manic mood swings.
Well I guess its just a case of one breath at a time and trying to stay optimistic. I will manage to cope with the pain. The pain is in the body but the suffering is in the mind and mediation helps keep that in perspective.
Those damn opioids are just so dangerous, people are dying from them every day. So scary. Grateful that I'm still here to fight this battle.
Thank you Stressless. Even this anonymous on line contact helps me to feel less isolated.

[Guest_3712]

Hey HeartSparke

Glad to hear you had some positive feedback with new doc and you are getting some pain relief.

I found what you said about pain being in the body but the suffering is in the mind very insightful .

If meditation helps you then that is great .

I'm sure my opioid addiction has impacted on my thought processes a lot but as I also had several courses of ECT over several months it's hard to pinpoint.

All I know is my memory is crap- huge portions of my life gone - but ironically the bad stuff is still clear as day.

The major change I have concerns with is actually forming the words I want to say. I have to picture the object or place in my mind before I can say the word- frustrating and scarey.

I also worry I have increased my chances of dementia with my use and subsequent abuse of certain meds- that and the fact it runs in my family .

Still hindsight is a great thing - out of my mind with chronic pain as I was, I probably would have sold my soul for relief .

Happy to chat whenever you like

Be kind to yourself

Stressless

[geoff]

hello HeartSparks, being on opiates may serve a purpose for extreme pain and I've been on them several times coping with hip surgery by 3 times, but it came to the point where my doctor said 'no more', so coming off them isn't easy as they are an addiction.
No one really knows how long PAWS will last, it depends on how each person is able to process it, but as I have an addictive personality due to OCD my doctor has always been very careful on how to monitor it, but while I was taking these opiates I was still taking my AD's, and as you are suffering from psychological symptoms then I would really suggest you consider asking your doctor to prescribe them to you, it may not be long term just to get you over this hurdle.
Today all the AD's have changed so much, there is more variety and much more for your doctor to decide on giving you, considering what a terrible time you have been through, and a small dose is what you will be given just to see how you cope with them. Geoff.

[ChuckyN]

I'm trying to come off medication. Been on it many years. A few doctors seem to have no idea on how to handle the situation.

Massive anxiety while trying to ween myself off. At lower dosage at night now. Where can I find the latest official stuff about stopping.

One doctor prescribed some expensive medicine for my night time anxiety The cost was prohibiting me from buying it. So what actually happened is I went to the doctor to add to my anxiety. Ironic yeah?

[ChuckyN]

Probably the first thing I can offer to others is run or walk around the block with upbeat music. It's simple but rewards for no cost. You do need to push yourself. But what have you got to lose to try.

Exercise has been my biggest weapon against anxiety and D and is a pill in itself