A year and a half ago I first began to show signs of having major
depression. It was several months after I had begun university and the
shock of moving away from my family had begun to set in. For a while I
tried to deal with it on my own, and ended...
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A year and a half ago I first began to show signs of having major
depression. It was several months after I had begun university and the
shock of moving away from my family had begun to set in. For a while I
tried to deal with it on my own, and ended up driving my girlfriend -
the only person helping me at the time - to break up with me. In a way
this was good, because it allowed me to realize just how much I needed
to change things in my life. I went on antidepressants and started
seeing a therapist, and signed up for clubs in my university which
provided me with some acquaintances etc. to lessen the loneliness. At
present I am much better than I was, but I am sort of suspended in the
mild-moderate area and feel unable to break free completely of my
depression, which is frustrating. I am continually tired and lonely and
feel as if the few people who are around me are mostly uninterested in
me. Part of the problem is that I see myself as an eccentric, and have a
constant sense that I am bound to be lonely because of my difficulty
relating with other students. For one, I am an American in a foreign
country (Australia), and to compound that I have niche interests
(literature, philosophy, current affairs) which do not lend themselves
to small talk and light humor. My current therapist is good, quite good
compared to what I've had before. She is sympathetic, a good listener,
great at switching angles and bending to my arguments rather than
butting up against them. My issue is that, first of all, she is rather
beautiful, and because she is so caring I have slowly grown attached to
her. Most of the time I stifle it well, but on some weeks my attraction
resurfaces and I will refrain from telling her things, especially in
connection to relationships and women. This is bad, since I think
relationships and women make up a large part of why I am still
depressed. The second problem is that, while extremely clever in her
way, she is somewhat practical and less able to talk about abstract
ideas with me; this is only important because I believe that my
worldview is at least in part causing my mental issues to go on. Without
going into too much detail, I feel that my materialism (the view that
everything has physical causes, including consciousness and mental
states) feeds into the depression because of the logical conclusions
which follow from it. My question is one, should I go on with her, and
two, how might I break through this stage and complete my recovery?
Can anyone offer advise on alternative medicines?
