Worried About My Son

[Ranga-1]

Hello. I have anxiety, but I'm doing this post about my son. He turns 20 in a few weeks. He's showing signs of depression. I have asked him if he's okay, but he says he is. He's withdrawn from study, and although he has a casual job, he doesn't get many shifts. Therefore, he is at home a lot and on his new computer. 

The good thing is that some of his habits have changed - he hasn't touched weed for ages and he drinks very little, if at all. I know he's interacting and chatting with people when he's on the computer - I hear him talking, so I'm relieved he's not isolated.

I'm concerned because some of his routine has changed - he hasn't been practising his drumming, and he is a keen drummer (this could be because of the novelty of his new computer). Also, he rarely showers. He will shower if he's got work etc, but he gets bogged into his computer and forgets to shower. It's not too bad because it's winter, although I'm sure if it were summer, he'd get into the shower! 

I'm concerned about his neglect of everyday hygiene and loss of interesting in his music. How can I help him?

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Some of the topics you mentioned are worrisome and some could be your anxiety, let me explain please.

Teenagers or young adults often change interests, this is a process that mirrors searching for what ultimately interests them. I recall I went from many different hobbies right up to 50yo before I settled on one interest. It occurs more to those that havent got a passion, a passion is not a hobby, it is far more intense than a hobby and its one that comes naturally and is often lifelong. Your sons drumming might have bene an interest but not a passion yet he might take it back up again down the track. This "fluidity" of interests comes and goes... he might well burn himself out with the computer also.

The same could be guessed with the weed and drink, he's been there done that and the result (for him) is to move away from that stuff. That's good. But it could also mean his friendships have diminished so the computer takes their place so to speak.

I could suggest you ask him to put an alarm on in his mobile phone every second night to shower, no ifs or buts. After dinner not late as he'll just think in the morning will do. Living with you he has to understand there is regulations to abide by and there is no exception. His focus should be to not upset family members, say that to him.

The positives are that he is home most times, not mingling with the wrong types nor into crime and so forth, remind yourself of that so you can lower your anxiety. 

I have a thread below that could interest you.

Anxiety, how l eliminated it - Beyond Blue Forums - 183873

I hope you are ok and its nice to read about a caring parent.

TonyWK

[Ranga-1]

Thanks. He has worked a shift today and is around at a mate's place. He walked there, so I'm glad he's got some exercise. He loves music, so I was a bit concerned that he hasn't been drumming.