When is the best time to approach someone who is obviously struggling?

[OjOj]

Hi, thank you for allowing me to be on your forum

My 23 yo son has some form of depression, I believe.  He has episodes of feeling like he doesn't want to talk to anyone or do anything and has currently been in bed for the last 3 days. Just before these episodes, which he's had for years, he's really happy and "normal".

He has just come back home to live with me after losing his job and not being able to support himself.  He can't keep a job and just walks away from others.  When you ask what happened the standard answer is "I don't know" or give a really convoluted answer that makes no sense.

I went into his room the other day and asked if he was alright, that was when he told me that he didn't want to talk to anyone or go anywhere. His friends were trying to contact him, via facebook, his mobile, his brother and lastly the home phone - he wouldn't talk to any of them. I told him, gently, that being in bed and doing what he is currently doing is not good for him and did he think he needed to see someone, GP etc  He told me that would never happen.  I told him if he needed anything to let me know.

My question is - Am I better to approach him when is is back on a high or happy? My thought, and my husband's thought, is that he would be in a better or more rational frame of mind.

Cheers

[Doolhof]

Hi OjOj,

I am a person who has suffered from depression for many years and sometimes quite seriously. I am certainly no expert, just a fellow person here on the forum who is trying to reach out and help others.

If I was you and your husband, I would definitely be taking your son to a Dr. It sounds to me like your son is deeply depressed.

When we cut our selves off from our friends, family and can't cope with life, it can certainly be depression causing it.

One suggestion is to look up a website that lists things to look out for in a depressed person and compare those to suggestions to how your son is feeling and acting.

Your son may well tell you he does not want to go to a Dr. but I would like to encourage you to take him anyway and attend the appointment with your son.

He may give you a hard time, but once he has talked with the Dr. and has an assessment or what ever the Dr. suggests, then in time I am sure your son will thank you.

Your son is very fortunate to have you both there willing to care for him. Take the next step and make an appointment for him.

Here at Beyond Blue you can also phone someone and talk to them and they will offer you advice and explain where you can go to get help for your son.

As I have no idea where you live and how easy it is to see a Dr. sometimes it helps to explain to the receptionist that you believe your son has an urgent medical need and he requires a Drs. appointment as soon as is possible.

I hope some of this helps you and your son. I also hope that others get back to you with advice as well.

Thanks for sharing your story with us and if you are up to it, then please let us know how you progress with your son.

Going to see a Dr. will also rule out if there is anything else that needs some attention medically.

All the best, from Lauren