Worried and concerned mum

[Honey]

My daughter is 22 and is currently studying at university. She has lost all motivation to go to classes lately and this is not the first time this has happened. We try to talk to her but she will not talk about it. She has drifted in and out of different courses since leaving school, she starts off well and seems happy but soon loses the motivation and does not finish. Her dad and I are so worried about her and just don't know what to follow. She has tried applying for part time work but has not had any luck. What should we do.

thanks

[Zeal]

Hi Honey,

I’m sorry to hear your daughter is a bit lost.

I struggled with my mental health after Year 12, which caused me to unsuccessfully complete 6 months at uni, and then discontinue studying in 2012. In 2013, I realised I wanted to become a psychologist. I am now in my second year of a psychology degree. After this, I hope to be accepted into Honours. To become a Psychologist, I need to also complete Masters. If I don't get accepted into postgrad study, I will study to become a Counsellor instead. I turned 22 this year, and sometimes it seems I am a tad “behind”. Some people my age are working full-time, and some are even married!  However, I don’t compare myself to others now – I am happy with where I’m headed.

Why did your daughter decide to go to uni? If she went because she was self-motivated, that’s great. Some people go to uni because they feel it's an expectation. Don’t get me wrong, university is a great option. I’m just saying that some school leavers feel obliged to get a degree. Some manage to complete a degree despite this, but others struggle, and become unmotivated and unhappy.

It would be great for your daughter to make an appointment with her GP to discuss how she is faring. If she is really struggling, she has the option of being referred to a psychologist or counsellor. During a relaxed conversation, ask your daughter what she would like to do more than anything. Her answer could surprise you. I’d also recommend that your daughter try the counselling service at her uni. These are usually free for enrolled students. Also, it’s important that she catches up with friends regularly. I socially isolated myself when I was unwell.

I started volunteering for the first time earlier last year. I act as a mentor to a teen girl, and I help out a staff member on group activity days for kids with intellectual disabilities. Volunteering fits around my uni schedule. Even though volunteering isn’t paid, you still gain so much. I received free training, including a full-day first aid course. Plus, helping others makes me feel happy. Your daughter could volunteer in an area that appeals to her. For example, if she likes art, she could be a volunteer at a community arts centre.

I hope your daughter is able to find something she loves doing 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

[Honey]

Hi SM

My daughter wanted to be a primary school teacher from when she was in year 10, she even did some work experience at her primary school, unfortunately she did not achieve the mark she needed to get into the uni degree even though she worked hard and studied at her best. I think she then lost her confidence from then on. Her other love is music so tried that and studied at tafe and then a diploma of music. We thought then she had turned a corner but not to be. Last year she decided to study an arts degree but again she seems to have become lost even though she was getting very good results in the beginning. She does socialise although not every week and is happiest in her room reading or watching movies. 

I will mention again about possibly volunteering,I feel that it would help her. She sees a lot of her friends in successful jobs or having babies of their own so I am sure this is also on her mind.

thank you so much for your reply, it has helped a lot. Good luck with the rest of your study.

thanks

honey

[demondee]

hey Honey,

I'm a 23 year old uni student similar to your daughter. Firstly, I wanted to say that it's awesome that you want to talk to her about it. It seems to rare these days, or maybe I rarely ever hear about it. 

Your daughter may not be ready to talk about it. I'm sure she has her own reasons why, and I'm not sure how she expresses herself when you try to talk to her about it. I know I have heaps of trouble admitting anything is wrong. Even if I'm in tears - I am okay! Could you write her a letter expressing how worried you are about her and that you're there for her if she wants to talk about it? Or even inviting her to write back? 

I agree with SM; volunteering helps me heaps as well. I prefer volunteering with plants and animals instead of people, partly cause social situations can really stress me out. Sometimes just getting out there and doing something for someone else returns two fold. 

You sound like a really supportive parent, you and your partner. 

All the best. 

D. 

[Zeal]

Hi again Honey,

Your daughter sounds as though she has great areas of interest. Perhaps she could get into teaching via a different pathway, such as TAFE. It's good that your daughter has already completed a diploma in music! Once she gets her confidence up a bit, she could look for jobs as a music teacher, for example. I used to have a piano teacher who would teach kids and teens at his home. I can't play the piano now though, nor do I have any musical talent....ha-ha

As long as your daughter has friends she can spend time with, I don't think there's too much cause for concern.

Thanks for your good wishes; hopefully the upcoming exams will go smoothly 🙂

Take care,

SM