What to do?

[TheRock]

My partner and I have been together for almost 2 years. He was upfront about him having bipolar and explained a lot to me. He has been medicated for over 7 years and it works. I have always seen him in through his up's and downs(and they were not fun) when they decided to change his medication a year ago, but, now he is quite depressed. More depressed than I have ever seen before.We have cancelled holidays and outings because he just can't be bothered or doesn't care.

He has always been diligent about seeing his psych, being medicated and been on top of his diet/ exercise (as most people with bipolar know, this has a big effect on your moods) but now it's like there is nothing. He won't talk to his psych, barely talks to me and gets "hot headed" over the smallest of issues.

We have a bit of financial stress where I am searching for a job and he is in a job he hates but pays well (not the company or his boss, just the fact he is in a position he has done for 10years) 

We are best friends and talk about everything, but now I feel like I am a complete stranger living in the same house. I have always encouraged healthy eating and exercise everyday but it is now getting harder and harder to be motivated for the both of us.I feel my health has taken a dive and I am trying to get it back on track.

I want to continue to help but I feel like I have been talking to a brick wall for a month. It is getting harder and harder to be on the same page and is draining my energy as well. 

I don't want to end our relationship because I love him more than words can say, but I can feel myself drift away from wanting to be by his side.Help, anyone?

[white knight]

Hi Crazy inlove Welcome to Beyond Blue forum

Well, you both are doing so many "right" things. Medication, psych sessions etc. It seems your husband has found a hole and jumped in!!

Jumping down your throat- yeh I do that with my wife. not good. I have bipolar 2, depression etc. It's like I am being interupted at the wrong time eg when I'm busy but no time is the right time. It's wrong but I cant control that and my wife usually is tolerant and I thank her for that all the time.

Can I suggest you accompany him to his psych next time and explain the current situation or even his GP?

It seems out of character, he might have deep depression.

Take care.   Tony WK

[AGrace]

Hi Crazy Inlove,

I'm wondering whether the medication change was worthwhile, if it appears as though it's now not working. Have you been able to speak with your partner about getting back on to his previous medication?

I'd also suggest it's time for you to get some support. That could be seeing his Psychologist/Psychiatrist or seeing a Psychologist individually on your own. It sounds like you have some decisions to make in terms of how you can move forward with these new behaviours and low mood.

I'm not familiar with Support groups for Bipolar but it would be worthwhile speaking with his Psych about whether there are support groups for family and friends available for you.

I'd also suggest joining in some of the other discussions under the supporting family and friends section of the forums, particularly those with similar experiences to yours. It can be really helpful to be able to chat with people who are in a similar situation.

I also think, give yourself a bit of a break as a carer. The time is such that right now you need to care for you. This can be difficult when you have been so used to caring for someone else. If you have been cancelling outings and holidays because of your partners condition then maybe it's worth considering whether you can go on your own to some of those outings, or if there's somewhere you can go by yourself to get away for a little while. It's really important that in all of this you don't lose sight of you and what's valuable to you.

I hope this is helpful, please let us know how you get on.

AGrace

[TheRock]

HI Agrace,

Unfortunately we had to change medication from pills to injections as the pills were taking a drastic toll on his liver. And the injections include a mood stabilizer that wasn't as potent as what was in the pills. We had a chat about when we go back to the doc's and changing the injections again but he is worried that any more drugs in his system will make him vegetative again and really "bleh" for a better term. (which is what happened when he was first diagnosed) 

We have scheduled a psych appointment so we can both go and we can both talk about these issues .

 Thanks 🙂

[geoff]

dear Crazy Inlove, there can be a slight problem which may arise when the both of you go to the psych appointment but I have to say that it's a great idea, however I am just worried that you may hold back on what you want to say, only because you may not want to upset him, so perhaps you could write down the main points and hand it over to the psych to read, so that they know the whole facts.

The other concern is that as he may begin to get worse with his depression, there maybe a chance that he will throw his job in, which will put more pressure on the relationship, which will in turn affect yourself. L Geoff. x

[TheRock]

That has definitely been an issue and he seems to have bounced back over the weekend. Whether or not it is him just hiding it and trying to be "brave" which is not one of his traits. We had a wonderful weekend just being together and appreciating one another. we even had company over which was wonderful!

Going to the psych has been on my mind and what exactly I will say because I know how easily hurt/frustrated/angry he can get. So I have actually put a list together about the positives he has brought to this relationship and given it to him. I tell him all the time how thankful I am to have such a wonderful, hardworking man in my life but i think he physically needs to see it.

Fingers crossed he is getting better and not just hiding how he feels because that is a blow up I am afraid to see.

Thanks Geoff 🙂