What do you do when your family just doesnt get it?

[Linkala]

I've had a mental health variety pack of depression, chronic fatigue and hallucinations for about seven years now that has so far eluded a proper diagnosis. More than anything else after all this time I think the part that hurts the most is that my family still seems to think that it's all my fault, I'm not trying hard enough or even that I'm faking it. I still live at home with my parents so it's not like they never see my daily struggle, or maybe it's because they've seen too much of it and they're sick of it, but it seems like they hate me a little more every day. It stings just that tiny bit more when I also consider that my family has a long history of depression and other mental illnesses but they're so intolerant of mine and can never offer me words more comforting than "You just need to push yourself harder!" How does everyone else out there cope with it?

[geoff]

dear Linkala, welcome to this site, but I wish it was for better reasons.

When there is depression that runs in the family they are not capable of trying to understand that another person has been affected by this horrible illness, in other words they don't want to accept that you have it, so they turn their back on you.

This is certainly no good for someone who is suffering from depression, but because you have mentioned 'hallucinations' then this refers to maybe having a type which is very serious and needs to be investigated.

The meaning of ' the need to push yourself harder' means nothing because it's impossible unless you have some type of medication plus also the need to see a psychiatrist, so that they can determine what is really wrong with you.

It seems as though you are alone on this, plus you mention 'a proper diagnosis', so maybe contact the BB to find someone who will be able to take you on board, because you can't struggle with this any more by yourself, because without any help it will get worse than it is now, so I hope that you can get back to us. Geoff.

[Beetle]

HI

Geoff gave you greate advise:)

My family is like yours. I can now clearly see that they all suffer from mental illness. Undiagnosed certainly since " our family doesn't suffer from such things".

Their attitude was incompatible with mine, So I move away. To the other end of the planet basically. I didn't tell my family what's wrong with me. they wont accept nor understand it. I accept it and I understand. that's the main thing.

If u can separate yourself from your family. Bad vibes, bad energy there. No good for healing

Big hug

Kristina

[K8]

HI All,

Have to say I agree with the being away from your family part, however Im not certain you have the means to do that right now (financially etc). It may take a little while to work up to that?

My family also has a distinct record of mental illness, but alas they also are "being healed by God", or not receiving help or medications for other strange reasons. The rest of the family bury their heads in the sand and tell me to 'get over it'. I'm pretty sure if I was going to get over it: I would have done it by now 😛

My point is that I finally figured out about 5-6 years ago, that my mother and sister are quite toxic to my current state of mental health, and my recovery plans.

This does not mean I dont love them or care for them. I do. But Im not in a strong enough position to tackle my depression and them, at the same time.

I know this breaks my mother's heart. And I have tried to explain, but never can find the right words as for her the only right words are that I'll agree to see her. Which I won't. As those visits end up satiating her, but destroying me.

I am learning through trial and error, to value my own stability, above my family. Its definitely a work in progress.

One day this may change. But until then, I will remain apart from them both seeking my own sense of happiness, healing and strength.

Keep posting, 

[Vera55]

Wow. The above are all really thoughtful and kind responses and sensible suggestions. One of my psychologists suggested I move away from my family years ago and I never saw her again because I didn't feel she understood me nor was she  listening to me. I couldn't do that. My family is important to me. Totally dysfunctional and mad but there they are. I marvel at people who can move away, but I am not able to nor do I desire to. Mmmm, food for thought here. Actually I think I would feel quite liberated but don't have the courage. Mmm, interesting. Rambling on but I have just been caught by a surprise insight. Move away from the family and trust that I will survive? OMG! Very interesting. Not even sure I like my family. Bolt of lightening hasn't got me yet but I certainly feel a wave of anxiety wash over me. Oh dear. What a possibility, to live far away from them all. I will definitelly give this some future thought. Wow. I certainly feel caught in between these two desires. Interesting.