Dear Obie
Hello and welcome to the forum. I am impressed that you want to learn more about mental illness in order to understand and help your brother. Beyondblue has a number of facts sheets on various illnesses such as depression and anxiety. I think they would be helpful for you to read. Look under The Facts at the top of the page and navigate from there. You can download the fact sheets and send for the booklets free of charge. I also suggest you look at the Black Dog Institute for other material. http//www.blackdoginstitute.org.au
It's important that your brother is correctly diagnosed and treated.
The most helpful way for me was to have people who would listen to me when I had bad days. No judgement and no "shoulds". It can be almost irresistible to want to fix your brother, tell him what to do and expect him to get over it quickly. Sadly it does not work like that.
Depression for me felt as though I was at the bottom of a black pit with no way out. I could see and hear people at the top of the pit but they appeared too far away to help. Always lurking in the dark were the panic attacks which emerged at seemingly random times. And they were frightening. The urge to give up trying was very strong at times which made thoughts of self harm attractive.
I have been told I am selfish to think in that manner, what about my family etc. I agree, my family would be devastated. What is hard to grasp by onlookers is that I could not 'see' anyone at these times. I know that sounds silly because I could talk to people but there was a very real sense of being alone, unwanted and unloved (despite also 'knowing' this was untrue) and simply a nuisance to everyone. It's a very common thought that the family and the world in general would be better off without me or anyone in my position and genuinely believe this. This makes it very difficult to listen to anyone and hear what they say.
It's not readily explicable. This absolute knowledge, as it appears, that I did not belong in the world and should get out ASAP for the benefit of everyone. Why would I think that? I have no real idea. The best thing you can do in those circumstances is get help. Your doctor, the emergency dept of the hospital or an ambulance.
I remember fighting this feeling, this belief on many occasions. I promised myself I would wait one hour, or one morning, or one day. I knew I was trying to fool myself but I needed a reason to live and sometimes it was so hard to find.
Mary
