Things you wish your depressed loved one did/said/addressed?

[Aurora_B]

I’m looking for responses from those supporting a loved one through depression, specifically a significant other.

I’m a sufferer and not a carer. I have had dysthymia my entire life but the Covid situation, and related life stressors, has sent me into a pretty serious depressive episode. I’m flat and disinterested in everything and unable to keep up a facade. I know that I am very different from my usual self and I worry how it’s impacting my partner.

I’d love if people could tell me things that they wish their depressed loved one did, or addressed, or said that would make them feel better. I’m acutely aware that me being disconnected and disinterested is going to make him feel terrible and I want to get perspectives from those in a similar situation to him.

I hope this is an appropriate thing to post here! I know that he feels uncomfortable talking to me about his wants and needs, because he feels like he needs to be supporting me. So, I’m hoping I can glean some little things I could do that could help him feel supported and seen too. Because that is important.

thanks!

[815]

Hi Gypsy70,

I hope you are doing OK. I know how tough it is. I am glad that we can be of some support to each other through these things if only virtually through words.

Take care.

[Zozza]

Yes 815, this. I agree so much. Sometimes I would like just anything. A sign, some show of affection, no matter how small. But I don't know if this is too much to ask? I feel like sometimes my partner is coming from such a place of emptiness and deep, inexplicable sadness that any attempts to connect with me cause him pain. And I think the pain of not being able to express any love for me causes him more anguish. It's easier for him just to withdraw and not face that pain.

[815]

I will give credit to my husband though. There are little things he does randomly, that I can only put down to his way of being able to show me his love right now. And so I hold onto those things. I hope that anyone reading can find little things too, to help you through the really dark days.

[815]

Hi Zozza,

You are probably right in what you wrote. And it makes me so sad to think that someone I love is in such a place of emptiness that attempting to connect causes more pain and that it is easier to withdraw. I think we might just need to try and remind ourselves of this...as painful as it is. Because I'd imagine that their pain is probably worse...

I hope you're doing ok.