Supporting Depressed Partner Using Alcohol to Cope

[Ziggy86]

Hi All,

My partner experiences depressive patches here and there and when he is stressed or unhappy he drinks as a coping mechanism.

He doesn't abuse alcohol daily and but more binge drinks and he has admitted to me 2 days ago that he feels like it's a problem he needs help with as he cannot control how much he drinks once he starts.

He is currently working away and is very unhappy with the environment that he has to live in while he completes this job which is hopefull yonlu for another 2-3 weeks. He has to share a room with someone he doesn't like and this man snores loudly so he feels like he has to drink so he can get any sleep. He also suffers from social anxiety and the camp is overcrowded and has no alone time. The job itself has not gone to plan and as he is a contractor he is worried he is losing money and not getting anywhere.

I want to know how I can help him and not add to his woes and how I can nudge/assist him in getting the binge drinking etc under control. My partner is a very rugged Aussie type of man that doesn't like going to the doctors etc so I'm worried that he'd never consider counselling/psychologist appointments?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[Emmen]

Hello Ziggy86,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out.

I understand your partner may not be receptive to getting medical help, but I do think you still have the ability to nudge him towards it. What gives me hope is the fact that he has admitted to you himself that it's becoming a problem, which shows that he is at least self-aware about his binge drinking.

His binge drinking is a result of various stressors, including his work and living environment. I wonder if he's keen on looking for another job? As for the living circumstances, you can encourage him to hang on for another 2 weeks (if it's really that short), but if it extends, how does he feel about looking for alternative accommodation? Since he has social anxiety and needs time alone, living in a crowded camp doesn't sound like the place for him at all - even if he were doing well. The constant presence of people would become a stress point and trigger his binge drinking. In all honesty, more than controlling the binge drinking, I think your partner needs help addressing the cause of these stresses so that it never leads back to binge drinking. Another suggestion with regards to the overcrowding is whether your partner knows of any quiet place near his accommodation that he can go to, where he can spend time alone before he returns.

Counselling is best, of course. But you cannot force him into it, and if you keep pressing for it, he may just become more resolved not to do it. I'd actually try asking him what he thinks of counselling first and see if he sounds receptive. Don't push the matter if he's against it. Instead, try to let him come to the realisation himself that it would be the best way forward for him, perhaps by letting him realise how out of control his drinking is.

Your support will mean a lot to him during this time, so do stand by him and encourage him to get better.

Kindly,
M

[Ziggy86]

Hi M,

Thank you for taking time to comment - Im trying to find balance between smothering him and just trying to help him cope and give him the support he needs. I want to make sure the support Im giving and what Im saying to him is effective if that makes sense?

This job will all be over in the next few weeks so it's really just helping him get though the next little bit. He is working remotely and he doesn't have anywhere else he can stay. Although it is only for another few weeks I am just concerned that it will drive him towards breaking point and in a bad headspace even after he returns.

I will pick my timing with the counselling conversation and see how we go.

[geoff]

Hello Ziggy, can I get back to you?

Thanks.

Geoff

[geoff]

Hello Ziggy, I am very sorry but understand this is something you are concerned about, his social anxiety, the job and the binge drinking, and once one of these starts leads onto the others.

I also used alcohol to self medicate for my depression to a wife I loved but unfortunately, we divorced, now I haven't had a drink for a long time.

It will be difficult trying to convince him while he is away because any excuse will be mentioned, 'the money he'll be missing out on', etc, and from what you've told us, he is probably drinking every day, but that's not for me to say.

There is always a soft spot in any 'man', rugged or not and the main aim is to get him to see his doctor, where a physical is performed, they will be able to access him by the way he answers, behaves and notice the mood he's in.

We'd really like to continue this thead as this is only the start, so we hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[Ziggy86]

Hi Geoff,

Thank you for your reply.

Things have improved since I created the post - he's a lot happier within himself because the job has picked up quite a bit and I'd say he's had time to settle into his surrounds.

He's still having 4-6 beers most nights and hasn't written himself off but we still have a long way to go with this once he is home. I just hope that he is open to exploring the root causes of his problems so he can better himself. I don't think we have any hope of correcting anything until he is willing to get some sort of professional help. I don't want to push it too much and be acting like a nagging mother!