Things can get better

[copingwithdepressedpartne]

I wanted to write to give some hope to those out there with loved ones who are suffering depression. I was reading everyone’s posts about six months ago. This forum was a great support.

My partner and I have been together two years and six months (2 months one time then 4 months another time) of those two years he has suffered really bad depression. I knew he was sick so I stuck by him and supported him the best I could. It was hard, really really hard to stick by him. He withdrew and wouldn’t talk to me for weeks, it was awful. Slowly he started coming out of it, his fog cleared. He says he now feels like he did 10 years ago. Happy and at peace. We meditate together, exercise together and try to eat healthy. I’ve seen him change into someone who is excited about life again, it’s wonderful. I hope others out there can see their partners get through it too.

[Dorothy1]

Hi,

I am not in this situation but I read your post and I thought it was so beautiful!

Good on you for supporting him the way you did! He is so lucky and you re a good person.

That s all I wanted to say

All the best

Dot

[Rosie_Red]

Hi, just wondering what you did to support your partner when he withdrew from you? Did you live together or separately? I’m sort of experiencing the same with my ex partner/father of my child and am clueless at what to do to support him, we live apart and we had a breakthrough moment about 4 weeks ago but now he is completely ignoring all contact with me and has blocked me on social media, I don’t know whether to give them space, keep texting him with support hoping one day he will reply or if he just genuinely doesn’t want to speak to me and I’m making myself look like an idiot? I’m very new to all this and he hasn’t been diagnosed with mental health problems but I am positive that he is struggling in some way (also with drug addiction) but I don’t know if my brain is just trying to justify his actions towards me or if it’s my instincts telling me he is genuinely hurting.. sorry to bombard you with my problems but sometimes you need a positive story to provide advice and hope!

[geoff]

Hello Rosie, I feel for what you have told us and we do suggest couples who have separated to offer their support if that's what they want to do, however, if drugs are involved, it now complicates the issue.

Whether this happened before you separated or whether it began after has to be determined but can confuse the situation.

You can't blame yourself for wanting to stay in touch with him but need to understand with an addiction his mood is going to change, one way to another and depends on whether you cope with him taking drugs.

My ex-wife left me a couple of times when we were in the hotel business, because I didn't spend enough time with her and our sons, and secondly because alcohol was involved, so it was up to me to try and get her back.

I'd like to hear back from you before I continue.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Gripo]

HI copingwithdepressedpartner, I am so glad it all worked out for you. It is very hard indeed to stick by someone with depression not feeling like you will end up being depressed yourself. My bf is dealing with depression and anxiety, i know he is, he still hasn't come out with me. I know he loves me, but he is totally disconnected from me. I would like to know, how does he manage to get up and get dressed and go to work, drive around in the car we bought together, go out to family dinners BUT the only person he feels is own, he ignores point blank. How is it possible? Then am i making up these stories about us in my head? am i embarrassing myself? He says, "everything will be fine darling, give me sometime." Its been 3 months since i have even seen him. 6 months since we laughed together. We exchange texts here and there, may be once in a week. What am i supposed to do so he opens up? or gives me the same priority as his work or other family members?

Looking forward to some inputs.

[Rosie_Red]

Hi Geoff, thanks for replying, I’m getting really desperate for some advice from someone who possibly understands my exs situation as I struggle too understand. I’ve never really been addicted to anything and not suffered much depression so I’m not sure how he’s feeling.

Hes always been addicted to marijuana, he’d used other drugs recreationally before we were together but It wasn’t ever an issue in our lives until we recently both moved home, then his anxiety increased and he lost all motivation to find a job, get his licence, help around the house even leave the house. Moving home was his idea as he hated where we worked and lived before. Then He started using meth and lying to me about it, I caught him four times before I kicked him out and he never admitted to having a problem and told me he was embarrassed and he will never do it again and so on but it was all a lie. Once I kicked him out he started doing meth more because he didn’t have to hide it from anyone and he had me to blame for it anyway but then he began saying he had an addiction and he was doing drugs to “drown his pain” and that he wanted to eventually end his life, but because he has lied to me so much for so long I can’t help but be doubtful on how real he’s being, I can’t tell if he’s truely struggling or just over exaggerating for attention?

[Jayne106]

My husband has moved out into a rental today... it is a horrible feeling looking at the man you adore and watching him in pain suffering.

I know he has seen a Dr although have no idea if he has depression as he hasn't discussed anything about his appt with me. He has had suicidal thoughts and made one attempt a few weeks ago.

He has simply told me he doesnt love me and wants out. Needs time and space. in my heart I am broken and confused. I am hurt I didnt see his level of unhappiness and feel guilty.

I am now finding that I think I am suffering from depression. I don't eat... dont sleep... cant get out of bed. my heart feels like it it going to beat out of my chest and i am constantly nervous and worried about him. our children are suffering and confused why their dad has left. he lived seperate for 7 weeks but now has taken out a lease for a house. this has broken me to the point I can't function.

i just want my husband i am madly in love with to be well and home so we can love him.

people have asked me if i would take him back given he has walked out on us and my answer is within a heart beat. He is my everything and I know currently he isn't himself.

I do however need to work out... do I now just ignore him.... do I only speak to him about the kids of necessary. they are 16 and 18 so run their own lives.

I don't want him to feel I have cut him out but I also don't want to smoother him.

Everyday is a new challenge and I am seeking help with a counsellor today and a doctor on Friday as I am worried my children will suffer seeing their mother like this when they have expressed how abondonded they feel that there father has turned his back on them and left without trying.

i have been telling them it is ok and dad needs some time and space and we have to give him what he needs so he can work out what makes him happy.

am i doing the right things....

I really want to scream at him for doing this to us but I just can't bring myself to it as I can see the hurt in his eyes and is awful