Supporting my partner suffering from anxiety triggered by health problems

[RubyDiamonds]

My partner suffers from anxiety triggered by medical issues. He will have symptoms (at the moment these are heartburn, indigestion, digestion problems, stomach pain etc) and will jump through so many possibilities as to what it could be but is hesitant to see a Dr. He will just search for his symptoms online, decide what it could be and start taking medication (prescription and OTC) in the hope that it will work. Then a day or two later, he's not feeling better so he'll try something else. I've tried to explain to him that unless he sees a Dr and gets proper medical advice, he won't know the appropriate treatment and that he could be making it worse but he just says he doesn't have time to see a Dr, to which I've replied "you don't have time to NOT see a Dr".

He's barely sleeping, not eating much, suffering from a racing heart, hand clenching etc and has started saying things like "I can't take this anymore" which is obviously seriously concerning. I'm trying so hard to be understanding and supportive but it's frustrating for me because I feel like we could get to the bottom of it sooner if he would see a Dr. I've offered to make the appointment for him, to go with him and he still makes excuses. It is affecting his work and our lives completely. I don't know what else to do.

[Swan_13]

Hi RubyDiamonds,

Your partner is extremely lucky to have you… I can imagine how frustrated you must be when the next step is so obvious to you… On one hand he’s saying he can’t take it anymore, but on the other hand he’s refusing to get the best possible help. Perhaps he is scared of what getting an answer will mean for his future.

I think you’re on the right track with challenging his belief that he doesn’t have time to see a doctor… it seems like a good idea because the decision ultimately has to come from him.

Maybe you could ask him what life might look like if he continues to not see a doctor and keeps guessing what’s wrong with no success?

Also, asking him to imagine that he saw a doctor and they were able to pinpoint what was going on and help him may be helpful. You could get him to reflect on what that would look like if they could help him sleep better etc.

It so challenging supporting someone when they haven’t reached the point of accepting that they may need more help. I really admire your persistence and compassion. Sending lots of strength and hope your way.

[RubyDiamonds]

Thanks for your reply.

He's not in a good way at all. He's now saying things like he's sure that he's dying, there's something seriously wrong with him, he can't deal with the pain anymore etc.

I've tried discussing his hesitation about seeing a Dr and I can understand where he's coming from. He feels that he often gets the run-around, is not taken seriously or just offered medication. I've suggested we spend the next few days eating really simple, clean and gut-friendly food to hopefully help with his pain and discomfort. If that doesn't help, then he will need to see a Dr, even if just to get a diagnosis that we can use to guide us back to getting him healthy, e.g. dietary suggestions. I have told him though that if it's something more serious that needs medication, like a stomach ulcer, he will need to follow the Dr's orders and he has agreed.

Hopefully the plan works, I am worried though with some of the things he was saying.