struggling with special needs children

[Matchy69]

Does anyone else have children with special needs.I am struggling with mine.My youngest cant use a toilet when their at the age they should be.I am getting tired of changing them,does that make me a bad parent?The constant hyperepisodes are taking their strain especially that i am going through other personal stuff in my life

[Matchy69]

Hi Boudica that was good you gave them a hand with cooking on the camp.Sounds like it was a bit of hard work with your sore hands.

Their is a lot of people on here really struggling and a lot of caring people on here giving their advice from their own experiences and just someone to listen and know that they are not alone.It can be just a matter of saying you are listening.Sometimes people post not for advice but to just let it out and just for someone to say they have had similar experiences can help.

It is hard at times to read people stories and you can feel their pain.its just matter of having compassion knowing that someone needs the same support I have been getting.We are all supporting each other on here.It is great to have a site where we can talk about are mental health.

Take care,

Mark.

[Jstar49]

Hi Mark, wave to Boudica,

Thats so true what you said Mark, it is good just to have this space to talk about how we are feeling whether that be good or not so good, struggling or having a win. I may not have the same types of struggles as someone else, but I guess empathy is about finding that place where we can relate. To the pain, to the event, to the effect on someones life. I know when I feel heard, it strengthens something inside me, makes me feel not so alone.

Boudica some days I can become a bit overwhelmed with ppl's stories, and the effect it has had/is having on their life. And some times I will read a post and have nothing I can say, either because I don't have a good perspective on it and can't really relate or empathise, or because it just feels too hopeless and its bringing me down. But then I remember that even the smallest bit of encouragement can bring light to my day. It might just be, hi, That really sux, I'm sorry that happened to you. ....Like many ppl wrote to me when I shared about my daughter who is engaged and not going to invite me to her wedding. So many ppl shared a similar story! Devastating, but each person had learnt something and shared that with me. It really lifted my spirits (after I finished crying lol).

Sometimes ppl's stories stay with me and I find myself mulling it over in the garden, or during a cuppa tea, and the world feels less lonely....does that make sense?

I do like sad stories tho....

Cheers,

J*

[Boudica]

Hello Mark and J,

Hope you both had a nice day today 🙂

Thanks for your perspective. You are right, it is comforting just to feel heard and know that you are not alone, even if the person listening cannot really help to change the situation. I will try to remember that when I read others posts. I am not very good at supporting people with emotional stuff though, as although I want to help, I am aware of my inability to say the right things, so I am worried I will make people feel worse by opening my mouth. You both are very good at responding in a positive caring way, it is just your natural way.

I am also learning that I need to regulate where I go on the forums if I am in a delicate mood, as some muck in my past is best left alone at these times, or I just get stuck in a loop of sadness.

Jstar, yes it makes sense, and I too use cups of tea and gardening to help me process the worlds problems 🙂

[Jstar49]

Hey Boudicca, wave to Mark (lol),

I keep reading quotes that say we don't want to be fixed, but just want company on the journey.

You being here, and bravely providing that company, is all that anyone can ask of you, including yourself. I rewrite my posts all the time! And struggle with knowing if I've said the wrong thing! And then, if it's getting to me (and this might sound harsh but it saves my own MH) I can say to myself, it's ok, ppl on the BBforums don't really know me, and if they don't like what i say then they can say so, or ignore me, or I can stop posting and its' ok.

I see ppl apologising all the time (probably becos we are all a pretty sensitive bunch) even when no offence was taken. And usually everyone seems very quick to accept the spirit behind an apology. I almost feel like I'm practicing for real life... Let me explain. When I had some bad stuff go down in my family a while back, I started to feel like I couldn't say the right thing ever, and blamed myself for the way my words were misinterpreted etc. So being here, communicating here, has been good for me. Its given me confidence to take risks again, and express my thoughts, practice being a friend. I've gotten so much lovely positive feedback, and so much confirmation just from ppl being similar in some way to me, that I feel stronger now. I know I wouldn't be back in the working world without this place right here!

Thaks Mark for letting me say all that on your thread!

How your hols winding up? I think I read that you've got some time with your son?

Cheers,

J*

[Guest_1643]

love that, Jstar, great noticing and describing the way the forums help us speak out and speak up and "come as we are"

i can relate to that a lot. Ppl do apologise a lot here, me included... i don't want others to feel excluded ever here so that worries me the most. that i'll make someone feel like i don't care.

Welcome to all, the more the merrier etc...

Hey Mark just wandering how your weekend is going and how ur kids are going

[Matchy69]

Hi Sleepy,Boudica and Jstar and everyone who is reading,My weekends going ok.I had some nice time with my son ,only ended up having by son over.He liked the present I bought him.We had a rainy day here yesterday and woken up today with a beautiful sunny day with plenty of birds singing welcoming to this new day.The kids will be off to see their grandparents today for a late Easter.

Take care,

Mark.

[Guest_1643]

J thanks for ur beautiful post.
I relate a lot to what u wrote, I was initially unsure how to post here and felt that I'd offend ppl if I gave them advice. It is amazing to see how ppl here react with an open heart and it has made me feel more open myself. It's a special place. Hope u are well

Hi Mark,

What present did you get for u son? How's ur daughter going at the moment? Hope u had a break while they were with their grandparents and got to rest. I was meant to clean my apartment and did only a little bit today... (very little!!) My relative came over and there was heaps of junk around. I hope they didn't mind. I have a sparkly picture on the wall I got from Kmart and everyone seems to like it and look at that, so hopefully that was her focus and not the mess of my home.

[Matchy69]

Hi Sleepy I decided to go for a ride and have a look at the weir and see if it had any water in it after all the rain we had.I bought my son some traffic signs he loves that kind of thing.He was sick on the way home back from his grandparents.I think he ate to much.Hopefully he's better today.

Take care,

Mark.

[Boudica]

Hello Mark,

It is so satisfying when the creeks and rivers fill after a long dry isn't it? Water is life giving after all. I live in SA and the rainfall this year has been okay, but we have had some terrible bleak droughts in the past. I secretly dream of moving somewhere with higher rainfall so I can grow all the plants I want to (average annual rainfall only 450mm where I am). Hope you are having a happy day.

Boudica

[Matchy69]

Hi Boudica we have such long dry spells here and it is good to see creek running and farm dams full.Tough it seemed to be more towards the West and when I go east the creeks are dry.I wanted to live on an island and even looked up houses and I could have afforded it but moved out west to be close to my kids.Its peaceful and quiet here with views of farms and mountain ranges.

Take care,

Mark.