struggling with husband suffering from depression

[AKP]

My husband has struggled with depression as long as I've known him, anxiety also but that seems to be managed well with medication. We have  a happy healthy 2 yr old, our own home, life should be pretty good. My husbands depression is not great again lately and I really struggle with it. He is an amazing dad without question 100% of the time. As a wife I find the lack of emotions so difficult,  no sex drive, no enthusiam for anything. Sometimes I feel like Im carrying a brick behind me, dragging everything out of him , organising everything. I know that sounds bad, but some days I just wish someone would look after  me.  I cant help him and he wont/can't help himself. He hates therapy. I feel like im trapped between the life I wish for   and this one. I love my husband and my family  but I dont know how to help him and I also want to start getting the things I want out of life as well.

[white knight]

Hi AKP

I think I can help you both. The effect of zero sex drive from your husband is perhaps more overall devastating than anything else IMO.

Many years ago my then medication had the same result. I went to the doctor and I was prescribed Viagra. Over the course of the next 6 years my then partner and I got used to the procedure of taking that medication in a more "planned" event.

Then my medication changed and my sex drive returned.

So, maybe you can approach your hubby and suggest to him that you wont pressure him to seek therapy but you would like him to see the doctor and obtain a script to assist him in this manner.

take care

Tony WK

[Pixie15]

Hi AKP,

You cannot help your husband if as you say he is not willing to help himself. You can help yourself however. Have you considered maybe trying some counselling to sort out how you are feeling and help get you focused on you.

I have found since I have been doing more for myself and focusing less on my partner it has been positive for both of us. It is hard to watch the person you love suffering the effects of depression. If you start doing some of the things you both enjoy without him you might find your partner will join in.

thanks,

Pixie.

[geoff]

dear AKP, hi and welcome to the BB site.

If my ex was typing this, then she would absolutely agree with you, as it's exactly identically the same as what happened in our marriage, as she got sick and tired of trying to help me, with no success at all and told me that she can't do any more for me, and then left to live in flat taking her mother with her.

Unfortunately she then divorced me, but we talk on a regular basis and remain friends, and it would be safe to say that we both still love each other.

We are better off being friends now, as I have overcome my own depression.

She did say that I have been going through therapy for a long time, but nothing had changed me, she maybe right, but my psychologist was open and I could talk about anything, so in actual fact it was working for me, not that it could be noticed.

Our sexual life was non existent for a long time, but she was never one to suggest something happing, but that's unfair because I'm talking about her and she can't respond.

I just wanted to let you know about our situation as it's so similar to yours.

L Geoff. x