Struggling family -- need advice.

[Blank123]

Hello,

I am the youngest member of my family and am seeking some advice on what to do to help my family who are all struggling with my sister's depression. My older sister has been living with anxiety and depression for a little over three years however she only sought help a few months ago. She has gone through three different doctors and has now been put on medication. She doesn't get up anymore out of bed, despite everyone's best efforts and she rarely speaks to anyone anymore as she finds conversations 'pointless' - much like she has now decided life is.

I am a teenager myself and I am seriously struggling. I have no idea how to help her or how to handle this situation as I have tried many different things to help her and encourage her.

I am seeking advice as I am completely out of my depth and do not know how to help my family who are currently falling apart. My mother and father have both suffered from depression earlier in their lives and I worry for them now too. My mother is so stressed, she is going out of her mind trying to do every possible thing to help my sister, however, she is forgetting to look after herself and is not sleeping and cries a lot of the time. My father has taken a liking to sitting on a computer and not engaging with the family anymore. My sister has maintained a job doing over night shifts and so whenever she is out the house there is a big fight behind her back as we tip toe around her. The nights in my household now consist of screaming fights and tears that occur from the smallest thing. My older sister (the middle child) has become resentful and constantly argues and tells my parents they no longer care for her and that has been forgotten. My family never used to be like this. We are so broken at the moment, we are all trying to cope best we can but it seems impossible at this moment.

Everyone is tiptoeing around my sister and her condition because we are afraid of what will happen. I just don't have anyone to talk to about any of this. I feel like my family is drowning.

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[geoff]

dear Blank, I want to thank you so much for deciding that you need help and for coming onto this site.

My goodness me it must be so stressful for you, your sister and the rest of the family to try and have a pleasant day or so, because it's far from this.

I am also pleased that Beyond Blue have been in contact with you, because it's certainly a major problem and they would be doing their very best to sort this out.

I was going to write down places for you to contact but it may be more appropriate for your parents to contact them, however instead of me giving you the details I have found a site for you to google or perhaps show your parents and it's

'government counsellor that come to your house and counsel children'.

Now you may have problem contacting them yourself, which I am so sorry and I just wish it was so much easier to do, however if you do then get back to us.

It's also very important that either you or your mum ring the BB 24/7 phone number which is above and to hook up with the web-chat which is also at the top of this page.

Your post is an extremely concerning one indeed and requires our full attention, not meaning that the others aren't important, because they definitely are, because we all take every post as they are posted, and to every individual their comment is also extremely concerning not only to themselves but also to us.

I will watch clearly when you reply or when others reply back to you. Geoff.

[White_Rose]

Hello Blank

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forum. We are a safe community where you can talk about anything that troubles you.

First of all I want to direct you to the BB information resources. The more informed you are the better you will be able to cope. Browse under the tabs at the top of the page and click on the areas you want. BB will send any information to you free of charge. Also look at the Families and Friends section as you may find some helpful hints there.

It is important that you look after yourself as much as possible. BB has a 24/7 phone help service where you can talk to trained helpers. You can also access the Web Chat between 3:00pm and midnight. Click on Web Chat at the top of the page. These are immediate places to get help or talk about your concerns.

I appreciate how it must feel living in a dysfunctional household. It is scary and upsetting. What I am going to say may be hard for you because you love your family. You are not responsible for their well-being. Your sister is responsible for her own health. If she cannot cope then her doctor or psychologist must intervene, but I suspect from your post that she does not see a psych.

You need to take yourself to your GP and tell him/her how you are feeling. This is important for your mental health and well-being. You cannot help anyone if you collapse. It seems everyone else has retreated into their own worlds, probably hoping the problem will fix itself.

Have either of your parents talked to a doctor or psych on behalf of your sister or themselves? If not, can you suggest to your mother that she does this? The first step to get out of this muddle is to ask for help from a skilled practitioner. Please, go to your doctor and explain everything. Copy your message above and show the doctor if you feel unable to explain. It is vital that you do this ASAP.

Again I want to stress this is not your problem to solve. You will collapse under the strain  if you continue trying.

I'm not going to write more at the moment. Please write in again and tell us what is happening. Use the BB help line or chat line.

Mary

[weigheddown]

I can completely relate to what you are going through and even seeing that someone else is going through it makes me feel a tiny bit better.

Thanks for posting. Makes me have hope that we are not alone.