Seeing him for the last time, what should I say?

[droth]

Hi, I am heartbroken because my boyfriend of a year broke up with me last week and the thing is I think his depression is coming back. He had always been a person who was fine with being alone and doing things by himself (only child) but the past year we practically spend every day together and it had been fine. Recently he tried to break up with me but came back and now he's breaking up with me again. In retrospect a lot of things were red flags, such as he's living in a stressful enviornment, worried about school and the future (he stresses out about these things internally and he's a very reserved and headstrong person, saying that he needs to find strength within himself). He also said he had no libido but still loved me and just needed time to decompress. I know he won't have time with all these things going on and he doesn't have many close friends he can talk to. After reading the forum I have seen that a depressed person would likely think breaking up is the solution, but the adviceis to stay with them and help them through it. I'm going to talk to him later tonight perhaps for the last time and I wanted some advice as to how to approach this problem, thank you for reading. 

[Zeerose]

Hi pipsy,

It hurts to hear but I appreciate all advice to so thank you very much. The thing is the last time I saw him he told me we could be friends .. I'm starting to think He said that not to upset me. But then he says I'll call you later and one day seemed in a good mood  even suggested to go for a walk with me and then it just stops there. I know with depression it's up and down but he was obviously trying with me. I told him where I stood and he told me to basically take a step back give him time and then says we can be friends. We're both very passionate people and have always told each other we would fight for one another no matter what.  I'm torn confused I'm trying . I'm standing alone sadly but I'm ok with that considering he's circumstances because I know he would do the same for me and has in the past.  He was my best friend my diary told him every little thing. And just like that it's gone. I've been doing a lot of reading on depression which has helped but some days are so hard like today..  I will try harder to give more space.. But how do u turn your back on someone u love I saw his eyes he seemed so broken and told me himself. 

[pipsy]

Zeerose.  I'm so very, very sorry.  He sounds very confused and lost.   He's asking for friendship more than love.  I know how hard it is to step back, but you have to respect his wishes or you'll lose his friendship.  I think love is too hard for him at the moment.  It can be very frightening when someone expresses undying love, the person you're telling sometimes panics and feels as though they can't breathe.  I'm wondering if he has Bipolar, I'm not suggesting you ask him.  But you say he's all over the place, emotionally.  With Bipolar, that's one of the symptoms.  If he does have that, it's up to him to get whatever help he needs.  If it is just depression, again, he has to be the one to get the appropriate help.  All you can do is be there for him.  Is he on meds, maybe he's having problems adjusting.  As I said before, if he loves you, he'll come back.  From the way you speak, I think at the moment, you just have to get on with your life.  Ask him no questions, let him know he can trust you, as a friend.  Don't turn your back completely, just let him breathe, sort himself out.  Is he having problems at home?  That can really turn you upside down too.  Remember, what's to be, will be.

So sorry I can't wave a magic wand.

Best wishes Pipsy.

[Zeerose]

Hi pipsy,

Yes I'm thinking the same thing our love was quite high.. a lot of  passion. It perhaps is overwhelming for him. He's basically told me that he can't be intimate , his lost desires for everything in life but assured me it wasn't me.  I said to him that's fine. He just wants to do normal friend things but like I said he has avoided and completely ignored me. I don't want to lose him or our friendship . You might be right but I had to be true to myself when I seen him that day I had to tell him how I felt I mean I'm still the same person he might have changed but I'm still me.  you have just raised a question in my head .. Bipolar? What is the difference between depression and bipolar? Because highs and lows occur in depression too. He  is very impulsive type of guy always very high with me but away from me he can be very down. He has has had a very hard childhood .. I just remembered a few things in the past that I can relate to mood swings ..but I don't know.i don't think He would seek help for anything or even tell anyone about it. He actually told me  before that he puts a mask on in front of everyone no one knows anything but me (as he told me this).  I don't know about meds .. I don't think he would even tell me . Could be ashamed . He has good family support but no immediate family . I keep thinking of how we were together and the bond we shared we both have never felt like this . So I'm holding on to that thought and your right it's reassuring that if he loves me the way he says he will come back if it's meant to be . Friend or no friend. It's hard coz I just want to know he's ok ... When I know he'll never tell anyone he's struggling. unless I go to his house and see him face to face ! He can't lie to me or avoid me then the eyes never lie. I'm like that when my family or close friends are down or in need. But with him I feel kind of scared ..

[Zeerose]

I just thought I'd share the latest ... He messaged me saying to let him be he needs his own space and that he's getting pulled in all different directions he doesn't want to be . I told him that he can trust me as friend I'll understand and support and I'll give him whatever time he needs . And that i don't want to lose him . I feel at ease but im  Heartbroken, scared and confused .