Running out of people to talk to

[Jabrjori]

So as my title suggests, I feel like I have run out of people to talk too.

Mum: is a mess, depression, anxiety at extreme levels at the moment, the alcoholism that goes with it isnt numbing the pain, I spent 45 min on the phone listening to her cry tonight

Dad: also suffers from depression but has his under control, he has lost half his nose to skin cancer and is having to have plastic surgery. He has a lot of trouble supporting my mum, and doesn't know how to help, so he drinks with her and as much as her. They have both been told they are suffering from severe damage to there livers, water off a ducks back

Aunty; also suffers from depression (even though "I am TOTALLY Fine, I have a positive outlook, I don't dwell on the past and life's good) she was my rock to talk to about my mum as its her sister, that's until I started getting like, "your mum is being selfish and will take you down with her," the best one "she needs to snap out of it"

1 of my best friends is suffering from depression and anxiety and i listen to her on the phone, (as she doesnt live close) and I tell her I am fine, mums life is fine too even though its not

Another bestie, also isnt great, whenever I talk to her about stuff, she always turns it back and tells me she knows what its like. She has her Mum as her Mum, I have my Mum as someone who is more my daugther at the moment

My final best friend has just been diagnosed with PTS from a workplace bullying in the last fornight

My Mother in law, is having problems with my brother and sister in law, and my brother in law died 4 years ago, so I don't like to burden her with my problems

my HUSBAND is the best, he is always here, gives me a cuddle, but sometimes you just need someone else, bless him. We are very busy with a struggling small business and 4 little kids between 6 and 2.5

I am worried that all of this in my life is going to bring me down too. I am doing my best to leave the conversation with my friends and my aunty on the phone, or email or however. Unfortunately with my mum its much harder. My mum needs more help than she is getting, she spent 20 days in a private hospital last year and I think this is where she needs to be, She lies to the educators and the doctors about whats going on. I am to scared to ring these people for a chat as I am "the daughter'

 Sorry for the big rant, there is no need to reply, unless you want too, I sometimes feel its easier to write this shit down!

Take care people, someone loves you!

[Narniakid]

Hi Jabrjori!

I am sorry to hear that you have so many people in your life feeling so down, however I applaud you on your job of supporting them all - you sound like a really strong person!

Remember that there is a fine line between supporting a person and taking on their problems as your own. It's one of the most valuable things my psychologist has taught me, as I tend to worry about my loved one's situation so much it effects my own mental health. The best thing you can do for them is listen to what they have to say, offer advice, and let them know that there is plenty of professional help out there for them. I strongly suggest having a look at BB's resources for carers of depression sufferers, as I know it is a huge role for you.

Remember to put your own mental health first! And well done on being such a supportive daughter! Stay strong!

Crystal

[Carmela]

Hi Jabrjori,

You certainly are taking on a lot which leads me to the question, what are you doing for yourself? As caregivers, it is easy to take on our family/friend issues and try to solve and  be there for them.  The hardest part I find in supporting someone is realising and accepting that it's not about me. I will love, support and be there for them, but it is ultimately their journey, not mine. Crystal has provided some sound advice on this.

So, what about your wellbeing? Please make sure you take good care of yourself. Build a strong support network and this does not necessary mean relying on friends and family. Carer support groups provide a very useful service. They offer counselling, advice and education that can assist you with coping in stressful and challenging situations. Carer Australia and Mental Health Carers (ARAFMI) Australia are both worth looking up. I joined a local carer support group close to home that allows me to vent and talk about my journey as a caregiver.

It’s also important to take some quiet time for yourself. I understand this could be challenging with children and a business, but just 5 to 10 minutes can make all the difference. If this means a short walk or reading a book, do it.

You are doing a great job Jabrjori. Your family and friends are privileged to have you support them. 

Hugs to you. 

[trustlife]

Hi Jabrjori,

Wow! You've really taken on (and been handed) quite a lot. I would agree with Carmela & Crystal and probably the single most important piece of advice is to take time for and to look after yourself. You number one priority is your husband and family. Getting swamped by the depression around you is no benefit them or yourself.

Here's an analogy that I find explains depression quite well. Imagine your playing in the see standing waist deep in nice warm water. Somebody throws you a basketball and you try to push the ball under the water. It's not easy. Now, depression is when a person pushes their life energy down (like the basketball). It also takes a huge effort. When you speak to someone who is depressed they normally tell you how tired they are, and that's not surprising. What happens when you stop pushing the ball under the water? Does it gently rise to the top? No it shoots up in exactly the same way your life energy soars when we step out of depression.

You will find Jabrjori, that your children and family will help you keep your energy up. Don't try to take on everybody else problems. You need to be the pointer. You get professional people involved and your job is to point them in the right direction. Then your doing the best possible job for them, yourself and your family.

Let that basketball go!

[Kathryne]

Hi Jabrjori,

I would like to say that maybe talking to someone not close to the issue may allow you to unburden yourself .

the following services are available:

 emergency phone numbers  for Lifeline 131114

  SANE 18 SANE (7263)

  Beyond Blue 1300224636.

Take some time out for you even a play in the park with your kids.

Maybe organise a date night with your hubby . mother in law will she babysit?

Its great that you have taken the first step to seek assistance for your self and your loved ones

Kathryne

[Jabrjori]

Thank you very much for your replies. I will try to source these helplines etc out, I was Chatting to my husband last night and he who the hell are you suppose to talk to who doenst have a probelm.. My point exactly thanks again