Pregnant and a depressed husband

[Kmh158]

My husband has had depressive episodes on and off for the past few years. He is good about going to the gp when he feels them coming on and has had counselling in the past which he says he learned a lot from.

 this time, he is more down then I've ever seen him. We have been to the doctor and he has started new antidepressants. He has an appointment to see a counsellor next week, and has been doing everything the doctor suggested, such as daily exercise etc

 I know that I have to give the medication time to work, but it is really hard to watch him struggle so much. Added to that is the fact that I'm 7 months pregnant. I feel like for most couples, this is the time where the wife can put her feet up a bit and b supported by her husband, but obviously that can't happen in my situation. 

He is mad at me for confiding in my mum about his depression, but I feel that I need someone I can talk to about it. While I feel I am quite mentally strong, I still need to cry to someone at times. Am I wrong to be talking to my mum? 

Not really sure what I'm looking for by posting this as I know things should improve as the medication starts to work and he sees the counsellor, just need to know I'm not the only one who is in this situation and to know it will pass  

cheers  

[Jacko777]

Hi kmh158,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, I am glad you have posted.

It sounds like you are both doing the right things and I am glad your husband has a fresh mental health plan, it sounds like he is activating that plan. With the new AD's and the counselor, lets hope for some noticeable improvement over the next few weeks. I think you should be able to talk to your mum, she is your mum after all and I presume it helps you to talk to her. Is it worth making a compromise for now and only talk to mum when your husband is not around? I'm not sure what is best for him, you could ask the counselor if you are going too?

For the sake of you and your baby I think it would help if you can find as many happy and peaceful moments each day as you can. Perhaps you can practice unplugging from your husbands struggle for the next few months, keep your focus on the moment, know that your husband is on track and you are both doing what has to be done in this department, no more further thought is required! 

I am sure that your husband would be more supportive if he were not unwell, hopefully this will change soon, meanwhile is this something your mum can help with? Talk any time.

Jack

[Kmh158]

Thanks for replying jack. Unfortunately my mum lives 5 hrs away so while I can talk to her on the phone, it's hard for her to do anything.

I think that my husband is embarrassed about his depression and doesn't want me to talk to anyone about it, apart from a counsellor, as he doesn't want anyone to know. I've told him it's nothing to be ashamed of and that it's no different to having a physical illness, but not sure he believes me  

It is easier when I'm at work as it is a distraction and I enjoy my work. I suspect I'll cope a bit better during the week than on weekends. 

Thanks for your reply  

[Chris_B]

Hi Kmh158, you're definitely not alone in this situation. Have a read through some of the threads below, and feel free to reach out to our other members in them:

 Feeling lost re depressed husband

Struggling with depressed, destructive husband

How do I support my husband suffering depression?

My depressed husband won't get help

See also the following beyondblue resources:

beyondblue guide for carers

Emotional health during pregnancy