Partner with Depression

[EFIE]

Hey there, I was looking for some advice or feedback to my situation.

 I'm currently in a relationship and we've been together for over a year now. When we started seeing eachother we couldnt get enough of eachother ( as you do in the honey moon period). He told me about his past and that he had suffered depression before but he was feeling good again when we met. 4 months into our relationship, he faced alot of hardships that had brought him down again. Because he was feeling down again it has greatly effected our relationship and he'd always need his space when i respected and gave to him, but it was hard to feel distant to him. As the months have gone in its been ups and downs and going in and out of different mood stages, and i've stuck by him because he's my bestfriend and we've never really had a fight and he's really good to me besides when he's down. His depression has immensely effected our intimacy and sex life and it really hurts for me. He has a great lack of interest in any intamacy and i'm always being rejected and hardly recieve affection from him. He knows this hurts me but he says he doesnt know what to do if he doesn't feel like it or (not in the mood). He is the greatest boyfriend and knows his distance and lack of affection hurts me but I just hate feeling not desired and wanted from him and I dont know what to do. Neither of us want to not be together but i'm just really struggling with how things currently are.

 Maybe someone has been in a similar situation??
Thanks.

[Neil_1]

Hi there Efie,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for your post.

Ok, the great thing you’ve written that really jumps out at me is:  “Neither of us want to NOT be together …”   that’s a biggie and from that, it’s very good to know for both of you and I hope that both of you have shared this with each other.

Now I believe a lot then revolves around that statement.

Your boyfriend is now doing it tough and as a result, you are feeling it tough also.

Has he in the past (when he had depression before) sought out professional help – gp’s, psych’s, possible medication?    If so, did those sorts of things prove to be useful for him?

And if the above hasn’t been done this time, it might well be a very good time for an appointment to be made?   And IF he’s accepting of you going along as well, this could be very beneficial to both of you – so he can be assessed and hopefully referred onto an appropriate psych, but also for you, in that you will hopefully be given some further insight into this mongrel illness.  And from that, you might be given some tips and suggestions for how you might be best able to help and support this man of yours.

Other options for assistance are if he works, he needs to be encouraged with that – as work is a very good distraction for us with mental health issues, plus also other avenues like sports, hobbies, interests, exercise is a biggie, diet, drinking water (adequate amounts), etc.  I could go on, but I’ll send this off for the time being and do hope to hear back from you.

Neil

[EFIE]

Thanks for your reply.

Yes he did seek out help when he first suffered from it a few years ago. He was on anti depressants and he said they helped him at the time but he'd rather not take them again and try and find natural medications instead. E.g. ​taking supplements for the different vitamins and minerals that he lacks in. 

One of the contributing factors to him feeling down is that he's been struggling to find work and not having an income really affects him and I can see it makes him feel useless or 'not manly'. He's had a few jobs since ive been with him but they havent quite worked out. He's very much aware of the fact that exercise, a good diet and work are good for him and we both try to eat well and be active but alot of the time he lacks motivation (side effect of the illness im guessing). 

He's also very internal about his feelings and doesnt completely let me know how he's feeling. I can tell alot of the time and know when he's not doing well though. He says things like when he's down he's not attracted to me. Hearing this really hurts me but I cant help to think maybe its the illness talking?

Thanks.