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shelleagle
Community Member
I have a nearly 16 yr old daughter who was diagnosed with depression and general anxiety disorder 12 months ago.  However, has suffered all her life, and after being told that she would 'grow out of it', finally got some answers.  She is currently seeing a psychologist fortnightly and up until 2 months ago was coping well.  She was back at school, playing sport, socialising with her friends and had a wonderful supportive boyfriend.  For the past 2 months, she has gradually withdrawn back into herself, not wanting to go to school, panic attacks happening more often and eventually broke up with the boyfriend.  This has now sent her into a complete downward spiral, telling me she just doesn't want to be here anymore and continual crying, non stop.  Psychologist has told me to be strong with her and challenge her, but I am at a loss as to what to do.  I get so frustrated as she is ostracising herself from her friends and support network, and we are all there to help her.  It is totally destroying our family unit.  we live in the country and therefore cant just 'pop' in to see the pysch.  Are we doing enough?  Should we be looking further?  I have resisted medication, but consented to her being on one type of medication, which she managed to survive without until a couple of months ago. Any advice or support from anyone would be greatly appreciated.

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

5 Replies 5

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi shelleagle welcome here

You resisted medication? And now your daughter is declining? It is a no brainer for me that us humans need a helping hand throughout our lives if we are diagnosed such serious illnesses. She needs any medication recommended by her GP or psychologist. The latter is likely behind the scenes wishing you had consented for they can only do so much. Recovery takes a mix of therapy, medication, aging (maturing) good environment , eliminating toxic people from her life (eg bullies) and a stable home life. Losing her boyfriend would not have helped.

I think you are doing all you can and you are a good parent. Try not to be critical of your actions. You are learning on the run. Its tough on everyone in the house.

One thing that might help is to provide her with a future projection of entertainment. Tickets for a concert, movies and the like. I live in a regional town and we travel 75kms to a major town for that activity. Just a thought. At 15yo I was interested in aircraft. My dad took me to an air show. I joined the RAAF at 17yo.

Finally, Beyond Blue often has teens writing in with their issues. You might want to recommend her try this. Its anonymous and it might help.

Tony WK

Neil_1
Community Member

Hi there Shelleagle

 

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you so much for coming here and providing your post.

 

I’m really sorry to hear of the struggles that your daughter has been facing – though it’s excellent that you’ve been able to have it diagnosed and further followed up.

 

Our son (now 17yo) had some tough times during the last couple of years, but last year in particular and he was supported really well through his school and in particular a “House” teacher as well as the school counsellor.  I find it awesome of you that you are willing to help out as much as you can (believe me, not all parents fit into this category), but like you, we did everything we thought was right to try and help.  But you can only do so much and I’m actually not quite sure what the psych meant about ‘challenging your daughter’.

 

I think if we were to have done something like that with our son, it may have cause further problems and issues.

 

My own psych at the time, suggested to make sure they know that we are there for him, but to definitely not harp on it and so much so, that to leave it in their court if they feel able to raise it with you.  But our son pretty much shut us out of his troubles and so for us, it was very frustrating.   We wanted to be there for him and were so open for him to share and talk – I think largely because of how I suffer from my own mental illness, it makes me more receptive to these kinds of things.  At least he knew that, which was important.

 

But he received good support from his school and this year he’s going much better.

 

Do you think your daughter’s school may be able to offer some kind of support in this way?   

 

I guess another thing I really tried to find out was whether he was having certain difficulties at school – either with the work, home-work, fellow students or even teachers – just to see if there’s some thing that comes up as a possible trigger?

 

I might send this off now and do hope to be able to hear from you again

 

Neil

Thank you for supportive words.  The school has been fantastic, after missing almost a whole term of school last year, we got her back to going everyday, small steps at a time.  They have been very supportive and doing everything in their power to get her back to school and mAke it more comfortable for her.  Small schools are an advantage sometimes.  She gets good marks in school and doesn't seem to have a problem with the work, except if she has to make a presentation.  The main problem that we can work out is social, there are a couple of kids who intimidate her but without bullying.  Think their confidence is what is threatening to her.  She had a couple of incidents where her so called friends stabbed her in the back, like all teenage girls go through, but she just can't seem to cope with life's little bumps.  She now believes she has no friends and that everyone hates her, which I know is not true.

 It is really hard to know what to do, you want to support them but at the same time you get so frustrated.

it is really comforting to read comments on this page and realise we are not alone. We have a great support network of friends and family and I wish that she would see this sometimes.    On top of all this, she is still a teenage girl with normal teenage issues and sometimes it's hard to distinguish between the two. 

Im glad that your son is recovering well, let's hope it continues.  Again thank you for your support

 

pipsy
Community Member

SE.  Sorry about the abbreviation.  The first thing that springs to mind, is it possible she is being bullied.  All the classic signs are there.  Maybe her boyfriend is also being targeted.  If she is being bullied, try and get her to tell you.  I wouldn't come right out and ask her, unless you have a real close relationship with her.  Does she have a computer?  If her classmates know about her background, they are inclined to 'gang' up on anything they see as different.  Maybe she is being cyber-bullied.  Have you tried talking to the principle, sometimes that helps.  Unfortunately, if she is being bullied, she is going to be terrified to tell you for fear of back lash.  You mentioned where she was stabbed in the back, did you mean emotionally, this could really send her into a backwards spiral.  If she was literally stabbed, that's assault and needs to be dealt with.  If she is being bullied, sometimes talking to other parents helps, sometimes.  Do you have an association where parents/teachers socialize, this would help bring whatever the situation is to a head.

There's always been bullies, but they seem to be getting worse.  It needs dealing with before your daughter has a breakdown. 

Hope you can get some help for her.

Pipsy

Allthree
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
My heart aches for you. It is such a horrible thing for a mother to see her beautiful baby hate her life so much that she doesn't believe she has a future.  I went through that with my oldest two and just yesterday took my son home from hospital after a fortnight of suicide threats and attempts. So, here are my thoughts, I hope they help you. Accept - it is as it is and all you can do is work with the experts and your daughter to help her through the dark days and make the most of the good days. There could very well be a number of both.  Love her unconditionally and let her know often, in ways she likes to be shown. Let her know that she can always talk to you and you won't judge. That's resulted in many trips to the hospital but it's saved my childrens' lives. I liken mental illness to diabetes - it's something that's part of you and you just need to learn to live with it. I strongly suggest you accept the professionals' advice and use medication. It isn't the complete answer but it helps. My middle child is much more resilient and open to learning strategies to manage her condition when she takes her medication. When she misses it, she hits a very fast, very deep downwards spiral. Remember that your happy, confident and carefree daughter is still there, you might just need to dig deeper to find her. My almost 20 year old, who has tried several ways to try and harm herself, but is now a beautiful, confident and resilient young woman and we have a wonderful relationship. If she won't come out to you, go to her. Choose your language so that it's positive, focuses on the beautiful things in your family's day (and some days you have to dig pretty deep!). Stay well and find something healthy that helps you. I run and do ridiculously hard training sessions at the gym. I also practice mindfulness and meditation. I accept when it's beyond me and I ask for help. I am tough enough to ask for my child to be admitted to a mental health unit, and I let myself cry. I also take medication, eat chocolate and drink wine (not a lot and I'd rather not, but I pick my battles).I'm not perfect but I am doing the best I can. Stay strong and be kind to your daughter and yourself. Parenting isn't easy and parenting a child with a mental illness takes the challenge to a whole new level. I wish you the very best and hope your girl realises that she has far too much awesome to give to this world to do anything other than shine x
 

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.