Partner with depression and eating disorder.

[Nala]

Hello, my boyfriend and I have been together for about two years now, we live together and have recently become a new auntie and uncle.

I have always noticed that my partner gets down sometimes, sometimes napping for long periods during the day, but it was nothing to raise any major concern. I did recognise that he may be suffering a slight depression, however he absolutely did not want to talk about it, so I kind of just let it go.

Last night he confided in me that he has been battling depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder since he was 16 years old. It came absolutely out of nowhere and I was very shocked. My partner told me that he binge eats, and then makes himself throw up in the bathroom. We have been living together for a year, and somehow I have never noticed. He said the most recent time that he made himself vomit was last week. He is extremely fit and works as a personal trainer, and confided in me that he has a lot of issues around his body image. He also told me that when he was around 17 he used to self harm. He gets quite anxious, often overthinking a lot of things and worrying about the future, unable to remain in the present. I'm not sure if he will be willing to access help at this stage, because he has never told anybody about his depression, anxiety, eating disorder, however I feel that I can be a huge support to him, even if he is not wishing to receive professional help. Any advice would be so appreciated. I am going to try and linking into headspace, but I'm not sure if he's ready yet to talk to a professional.

[Dr_Kim]

Your boyfriend is really lucky to have you. He clearly feels very safe with you as it was a huge step that he took to expose the most secret and often shameful part of himself to you.

My suggestion is to not rush . It sounds like he is not in any immediate danger from his bulimia or depression and it is important to allow him to feel that 1. You are concerned 2. You will be by his side on the journey to back to good mental health but 3. You won’t try to take control away from him.

It is his battle, his journey, his challenge and his (hopefully) success !

I suggest that you read up about this illness and feel that you can develop an understanding . http://www.nedc.com.au/eating-disorders-in-males 

If you feel confused, ring the helpline at the Butterfly Foundation to ask questions.http://www.nedc.com.au/helplines

Remember that the Eating disorder is only part of the picture. Depression and /or Anxiety is often a big part of the picture and often more troubling for the person affected. They all have to tackled and dealt with. 

I think you give him some time to “get over” the fact that his secret is now shared with you. Then you ask him how he would like to proceed with respect to getting better. If he says “ I don’t know” thats when your research comes into action. Have a list of things for him to choose from .. like “go to the GP” or "go to Headspace” or speak to to the helpline together.

If he says “ I don’t want to do anything"..then you maybe talk more about how you understand how scary it is to challenge his internal thoughts and feelings but standing by and allowing him to remain unwell is not going to be ok for you because you love him. So you guys might need to keep talking about why he doesn’t want to change, or what he is frightened of with respect to seeking help. 

Professional help is ultimately the only option but I feel positive about his outlook as he has YOU by his side !