Partner has suspected BPD

[Helpforpartner]

Hi everyone,

I’m new here. My partner has suffered depression for a couple of years. She has been on medication on and off. She seems happier overall now as our relationship has improved, however she has anxiety and seems to have most of the symptoms of bpd. My mother worked this out and my partner looked at the symptoms and confirmed she thought she had it.

she has been to one psychologist but didn’t like her. The problem is she never tells them the truth. Think she is scared of getting locked up.

she was going to attempt suicide once. I stopped her. She hasn’t again but she does sometimes drink. She is not good with alcohol.

it seems like she sometimes has other personalities which is very scary and she can never remember it afterwards.

she stopped taking medication now and for the most part is off meds. I don’t know what to do but it is so bad I am scared to leave her on her own for long.

should she see a psychologist or psychiatrist? Any other recommendations would be appreciated. She does not want to go to hospital. She was scheduled 3 times but when the mental health dr speaks to her she tells them what they want to hear and she is out again. I don’t want her locked up but I have a bad feeling she may kill herself. She says she is no longer suicidal and I believe her for now. I work about her other personality though.

shr has issues due to a bad relationship with her mum. She also has issues because I was very distant for many years. I yelled at her the day she tried to kill her self. I feel horrible and regret it. She fell apart and was going to kill herself. The fear of losing her has actually improved our relationship but she is very broken. Any help would be much appreciated.

I’m having trouble sleeping and working as she seems to need constant attention.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Helpforpartner,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out and being so supportive towards your partner.

The best advice that I can give you is to find someone who specialises who has an interest in BPD. Personally I don't think it matters at this stage whether it's a psychologist or psychiatrist.

People who are familiar with BPD will know that it's really common for clients to not tell the full story (or lie) and have suicidal ideation (think about suicide but not necessarily plan it) or even history of suicide/self-harm. This part is crucial so that your partner can feel comfortable talking about suicide without being worried that they'll be involuntarily admitted. Especially if this is the reason your partner hasn't really been able to open up yet.

It might help to start off being upfront about suicide without necessarily telling him/her what's going on. This way the psychologist or psychiatrist can be really transparent about how they handle things and hopefully this can allow your partner to build up that trust. I've done this before with my own and now I know where the boundaries are.

I hope that this is helpful. I think even if your partner can go more than once (even if your partner does tell them what they want to hear), at least then they can start to build up a relationship.

[Helpforpartner]

Thank you so much for the reply. I will seek out someone with experience in this area.

Do you know the best way to seek out a good psychologist or psychiatrist? Also finances are currently incredibly tight. Is there any way to get good free help or at least good cheap help or am I best waiting until we have some money again?

thanks again

[MsPurple]

HI Helpforpartner

I struggle financially also and am not wanting to spend heaps of money on therapy and psychiatry. I told my GP this and she gave me a few names of psychiatrists I could see in the area so I could look them up. She then gave me the referal and he has been great since. A lot of doctors have websites which let you know what areas they have an interest in which I found helpful

[amlo]

Hi Helpforpartner,

I'm not sure what benefits are offered in your location but, in some states you can request what's called a mental health care plan from your partners GP. Basically this will give you 6 subsidised counselling sessions with a psychologist and once complete your partner will have a review with her GP to determine if more sessions are needed. Although I think the rebates capped at 6 per year. In this treatment plan there will also be a plan for current medications. If she is not currently on medication I cannot stress enough finding a good GP willing to get her on a suitable medication which is then monitored weekly with your GP. Yes this initial phase will require regular if not weekly visits with the selected GP. It is also normal with suspected BPD patients to have major trust issues. Though you can support your partner by asking her each time after her apt. To talk about it & she felt it went. Encourage her to continue going to the GP for the sake of continuity and consistent mental health care. If she is comfortable go to the visits to GP with her. It is just as inportant to find a good or at least willing GP just as it is a psychologist. However; if you do have some savings or can mange the initial upfront assessment of seeing a psychiatrist it is well worth it. As a psychiatrist is the only professional who can really diagnose major mental health illnesses. The psychologist has a rough idea but is there to help manage the feelings and negative thoughts assisted around that illness. They will provide strategies, techniques and suggestions but will work best with knowing the actual disgnosis. The GP is the one who can refer, lol after medication prescriptions and offer medical certificates for lengthy periods of leave to trial medication. Other useful things to do is take an interest in her health and wellbeing by encouraging her to have a chat and coffee with a friend, book in to have nails or hair done. Also print or show her brochures from beyond blue website about anxiety/ depression. There are also online counselling programs that may be useful.

Hope that helps!

amlo

[Helpforpartner]

Thank you so much for all the info. I will get started on all of this. She does not let me go to the gp with her. Don’t know if she has a good relationship with the gp or not. Will look at finding a good gp and psychiatrist.

Only update I have so far is she has started doing the Jordan Peterson self authoring program. We are actually going to do it together. Hopefully that is useful.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Helpforpartner,

Sure - so I think the best option would be to get a MHCP: Mental Health Care Plan from your GP, which will enable 6 visits with a psychologist, and then with a review another 5 (it's recently changed). So then with whatever the psychologist charges there will be a significant medicare rebate, making it either free or just cheaper.

You can also go here for the 'find a psychiatrist' website and filter by 'bulk bill medical patients' and same here with this one for psychologists - https://www.psychology.org.au/Find-a-Psychologist

Also, if you can let me know your state I can have a look at services around. There are a few organisations that help people with BPD get some free counselling, so this might be something you're eligible for.

Hope this is helpful,

[Helpforpartner]

Thank you so much for that. I’m in NSW and in the Liverpool area. Very much appreciated. I’m very new to this.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Helpforpartner,

You're so welcome. Here are some sites specific to NSW + BPD.

https://bpdfoundation.org.au/bpd-service-guide-treatment.php

https://bpdfoundation.org.au/services_nsw.php

Note: look for 'community' when accessing treatment if you can, as these are often subsidised or funded by the Government, which means it will be significantly cheaper (or free) then going through private. You can also try a google search using the terms "BPD" and "bulk-bill" which will use the MHCP.

Best of luck,

[amlo]

You're welcome! There are also some online self paced counselling courses such eCouch, eCentreClinic & the MoodGym and Centre For Clinical Intervention website is a very useful resource

https://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome

https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/etherapy

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/looking-after-yourself