needing support with partners disocciative itentity disorder

intentional_joy · ‎03-05-2014

This is my first post and I feel very fearful. I have PTSD and associated anxiety. I have worked really hard to heal and have done really well. However some events recently have triggered my anxiety and panic attacks and I am needing some support and any helpful advice you may have to offer, and really I need to just be able to say that sometimes things are hard. My partner of 11 years has disocciative identity disorder. He has 3 personalities that we know of. I love this man and believe he or at least his main host personality loves me and yet at times it is so very challenging and sometimes I feel so alone. Until recently he didn't like me to have support for living with this or talk to anyone about it. Whenever I tried to tell him that I needed help or someone to talk to because I was finding it difficult to cope with some things he would minimize my challenges and tell me it was him that had the challenges it should be easy for me.I squashed it all down inside and just tried to keep smiling and keep going. It is difficult sometimes because one of his alters may be angry with me. may tell me things, do things and my mans host character may not be aware and then thinks Im crazy if I tell him things that were said. sometimes it plays with my mind and the anxiety has been horrible when I feel like Im walking on egg shells in case I say something wrong. Recently he has gone through a lot of personal growth and change and realises it is important for me to have support and has told me he has sought support. This is something he had not disclosed to me previously. He suggested I may find support on here. Im afraid and anxious and sceptical but also hopeful because I need support. In the last several weeks he has come to me to tell me that his protector alta has grown and gone through changes and wants a girlfriend of his own. This has devastated me and triggered my anxiety big time and I have also had panic attacks. I feel lost and alone and so need some advice and support. Can anyone help

geoff · ‎04-05-2014

dear International joy, I wish it was for you at the moment, but welcome to this site.

I wonder whether he has sought help himself on this forum, and he suggests for you to seek it out, never the less you are facing a very difficult situation here with your partner having dissociative identity disorder, and not knowing who is going to be home when you arrive there.

I have to say that you must be a lovely person to be able to live with someone like this, but now it's telling it's toll on you.

I wonder whether he is taking any medication, firstly, and you need to see your doctor for help.

.Does he have multiple personalities and how often do these occur, either when he is stressed out or when you are having a panic attack, and your anxiety kicks in.

Can I ask how old the both of you are, and if he has any family support, and with you also.

Panic attacks will only get worse unless you yourself can get professional help, but I would like you to please reply back to us. L Geoff. x

intentional_joy · ‎04-05-2014

Hi Geoff thanks for replying. We are both 50 . oops lol I turned 51 last week. I have no family. My mother is alive but an abusive drug addict. I have her in the best of care and make sure she has all she needs but I had to cut contact with her about 3 years ago to protect myself and my son from her continued abuse. I do have the most beautiful 16 year old son in the whole world who was a miracle birth and the joy of my heart. My man has family but no contact with his parents or brother because their abuse of him caused his DID. He is estranged from most of his family because of the issues with his parents He has two supportive sons who are grown but he has regular contact with. He has always refused medication because of the side effects. His coping strategy was smoking which he gave up recently which caused his protector alta anger because his protector said smokes was all he had which maybe what triggered him to want a girlfriend. Im not sure. Unfortunately he has relapsed into smoking. Unfortunately I have had to see the dr and go back onto medication for the anxiety. Im so disappointed I was doing so well. However Drs aren't interested in what is causing the anxiety they just want to give you a pill and put a bandaid on it. So Im researching what I need to do for me. It is a very confusing time for me. I used to love my facebook as an outlet but my partner gave me so much grief over it, he this week told me he felt threatened by it, I even became anxious when using my facebook because of his disapproval. funny thing is he now has joined and is on it a lot and loves it. If im honest and that is something I always try to be it hurts that he gave me so much criticsm and told me how bad FB was and now goes on it all the time. I must chose not to feel resentful about that. I must rejoice in his personal growth and change and that he said sorry for the grief he gave me. He has sought support on different support sites.He says it is helpful.lol Geoff my name is intentional joy because that is my desire my aim my intention to live a joyous life and be a joy in others lives. to heal and be whole from the things that caused my PTSD and anxiety.Yes my partner has 3 personalities. All of which I care for and try to have relationships with and help. But my main relationship and partnership is with the original. All personalities are present at different times most days. Mostly I am aware of the switches but sometimes I miss a switch or when I am anxious I don't realise Im talking to an alta who is angry and I get stressed because I don't understand why Im being treated with anger. I don't know how to explain and Im not in any way ever want to disrespect my partner because it is difficult for him. He has many beautiful qualities and as I said I believe his original personalty loves me lots. He went for many years for counselling but stopped. I have tried to encourage him to go again but that has to be his choice.yes its taking its toll on me. I kind of feel bad and unsure opening up but I need sincere support and friends who understand. I don't need or want pity. In fact I guess what I need at times is just a safe place to say how I feel or just have a place to chat where its safe emotionally and I can have a little break from the challenges Im facing at present. I feel some fear I have said al this. I hope my partner is sincere and all of him knows he encouraged me to reach out because it scares me a little if they don't all want me too and I don't want to cause him any hurt or pain there has been enough of that in both our lives

intentional_joy · ‎04-05-2014

do you have anxiety Geoff

intentional_joy · ‎04-05-2014

it scares me some how vulnerable I have just made myself by posting on here

intentional_joy · ‎04-05-2014

today is not a good day. I feel desperate for understanding without judgement that I find some parts of living with someone with DID difficult. It seems as though Im supposed to love it all and not have any challenges

intentional_joy · ‎04-05-2014

discussions with my man today. today is very hard. Im confused and lonely today and wish we had some support to help us through this. I would like to seek out a counsellor or psychologist that works with DID and anxiety to help us through what is a difficult time.

Rain_Girl · ‎08-05-2014

Darling International Joy

I feel sad that you feel regret about opening up and it appears that you may feel betrayed, I'm sure Geoff is just preoccupied.

Anyways, I'm here for now, and will be every couple of days:) I just joined tonight. I've heard of DID but never really known anyone who has had it, it must be really difficult for you to try and maintain a balance and I get the feeling you are walking on egg shells with the protector alter.

I totally agree with what you said about doctors just handing out pills willy nilly. I'm 20 with severe anxiety but I refuse to take anti'depressants. Instead I see a psychologist and have grief counselling as my father passed away in November.

You need to be prepared to address issues and work on healing them before masking them with drugs. Having said that, there are people who do need that extra bit of help that medications provide so that they are able to function enough so they can go out and work on their issues.

I think that your situation must me really hard, because as well as being faced by your own hurdles, you're trying to make your partner comfortable and in a way i think you may be letting yourself fall a bit short. Don't be afraid to tell him you need help in coping, you need to love and cherish yourself before thinking of others. If you miss the support you need yourself, how will you be able to possibly cope with supporting someone else.

xoxox

intentional_joy · ‎08-05-2014

thankyou. Yes egg shells. Im so sorry for your loss

geoff · ‎09-05-2014

dear Intentional Joy, I'm so sorry I haven't replied back to you, it's just that when I logon I usually start at the top or I go looking for individual posts, but I do miss many which I am sorry for, because I get caught up in replying to other posts.

That's a lovely reply from Rain Girl who I am very sorry for her loss.

You are a remarkable lady dealing with 3 different personalities from your partner, and to be supportive for him, I'm sure people like you would be very hard to find, however in the back of my mind I tend to worry about you, firstly because of your PTSD which I would like to hear about, your anxiety and I can understand this because you're not sure who is going to home, or what person he is then undertaking to be, so you have to be alert all the time.

I know that everything could be going along well, but then he changes personalities, so what this means is that you yourself also has to change so that you can cope, and maybe try to work out why, which unfortunately might not happen.

It's a complex illness, and again it's not his fault,just like any depression.

Well I suffer from OCD which is related to anxiety, but I've had it for 54 years, so it's just part of my normal day, but I still take antidepressants and probably will forever.

I am just wondering whether you have rung the 'web chat' line above who maybe able to get you both in contact with someone who deals with DID.

Please get back to us and I will watch out for your posts. L Geoff. x